


The Insurance Girls Tell All

by Songstress of Solomon (Azalea542)



Category: Trigun
Genre: Bible Quotes, Children of Characters, F/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 21:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 46,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19797727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azalea542/pseuds/Songstress%20of%20Solomon
Summary: Meryl and Milly, now elderly, are interviewed by a reporter who wants to know all about their romances with the legendary Vash the Stampede and Nicholas D. Wolfwood.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who remember this story on that other fanfiction site, I have lowered the rating from M to T. I haven't changed the content, though. I just realized I was too cautious. I thought any sex scene at all was too much for teens to handle, LOL! I've since seen other author's T rated fanfics that are more explicit than my M rated ones. I am also posting it under a new pen name.
> 
> This is based strictly on the anime. I consider the manga an alternate universe, and its canon not the canon of the anime. Therefore, I depict Wolfwood as an adult (probably 27 so he can join the "27 Club", heh) and as a definite Christian, not a priest for some fictitious Plant-worshipping cult. Also, I do not like the idea, espoused more in the manga, that Vash cannot be killed. What suspense is there writing dangerous situations for him if he's going to always come out alive no matter what?
> 
> This story features three points of view. Milly's is in normal font, Meryl's in bold, and the OC reporter, Melinda Baker, has her text in italics.

INTRODUCTION

_Melinda Baker: The project began when I heard they were still alive—Stun Gun Milly and Derringer Meryl, the “Insurance Girls” of legend, companions of Vash the Stampede. Well, they weren’t “girls” anymore—they were old ladies of ninety years. In our modern age of airplanes and color TV, those so-called “Old Frontier” days seem so long ago. We think of all its citizens as having passed on to new frontiers in the afterlife. And indeed, renowned names from that time, the already mentioned Vash the Stampede, and his comrade, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, are a memory. I guess I just assumed that Meryl and Milly were, too, when an overheard conversation let me in on the truth—they were sharing a home in Inepril City._

_The Insurance Girls hold a special place in my memory. As a child, I would often play one or the other, while my brothers alternated the roles of Vash and Wolfwood. We’d reenact old adventures of theirs, some real and some from TV and movies, or make up new ones of our own._

_Now a lot has been written on Vash, including Emil Hector’s book Vash the Stampede: Hero or Villain?_ _, published when Vash was still alive and still in print. It cleared Vash’s name of many of the crimes and catastrophes associated with him, so much so that many people now thought him a saint, and even the government granted him a pardon. He was able to live a relatively quiet and peaceful life. That book detailed a lot of the specific adventures of Vash’s career, especially the ones experienced with the companionship of the Insurance Girls. Well, although I revisit some of those adventures in my book, recounting them from Meryl and Milly’s points of view, I wanted more to focus on romance. These women had loved Vash and Wolfwood, two of the most legendary men of the Old Frontier. Not just been in love with them, but had that love returned to the fullest extent. I couldn’t imagine what that was like, so I intended to meet with Meryl and Milly and ask them everything._

_I drove my truck to Inepril, site of many of Vash’s adventures, and pulled up in front of the Insurance Girls’ homestead, an old-style cabin with a front porch. As I walked towards the steps, I passed by a black cat lying on the ground. “Nice kitty,” I said, reaching down towards it. It trotted away, telling me, “Meow meow meow” the whole time._

_"That’s Neko Neko,” someone informed me. I looked up to see a tall, elderly woman on the porch. She was a little plump the way senior citizens sometimes get. Her gray hair was worn in a bun, out of which strands of brittle hair had come loose. She was wearing bifocal glasses, white slacks and a pastel green, collared sweatshirt with a cartoonish picture of a puppy and a kitten cuddling. From her neck dangled an ivory colored cross pendant, with silver thread winding around it. “That cat’s not very friendly.”_

_“How about you?” I asked._

_“Oh, me? I’m friendly.” She laughed._

_“I’m looking for Milly and Meryl,” I began to explain._

_“I’m Milly.”_

_I put a foot up on the step. “Wow, it’s such an honor to meet you!”_

_She laughed, as though not understanding why it would be an honor._

_“Does Meryl still live here?”_

_“Yeah, she’s in the house fixing dinner. Why don’t you come in?”_

_“But you don’t even know who I am yet.”_

_“That’s okay. If you’re dangerous, we know how to handle you.”_

_Meryl was standing in front of the stove, and raised an eyebrow at me. She was small, thin, and frail, the way some other senior citizens sometimes get. She had dyed black, short hair. She was simply dressed in a maroon sweatshirt and sweatpants, such as one exercising might wear, and these looked rather baggy on her slight frame. She also wore glasses, these thick-framed._

_I introduced myself, and told them about my proposed book. I told them I would conduct both separate interviews, and also chat with the two of them together at times. Plus I brought along a little serum—Truthgiver, both a memory enhancer and a method for loosening the tongue! (I figured the ladies’ memories weren’t as sharp as they used to be. Plus I I really did want to find out **everything** about their love affairs with Vash and Wolfwood!)_

_Melinda: Your men had mixed reputations—described as both heroic and ruthless. I have in my hand a testimony of one Susan Porter, who was an orphan living outside of Keybos over six decades ago. She says, “Nicholas D. Wolfwood was very kind to us at first, but then he shot one of us down, right in front of the rest of us. It traumatized me for life. I took me awhile to realize Bete wasn’t really a kid at all, but a member of the Gung-Ho Guns. But that didn’t heal all my scars. And I was never able to forge a friendship with a priest from that time onward.”_

**Meryl: You came all the way here to read _that_ to us? You should be careful; Milly is a sensitive woman.**

Milly: Oh, it’s okay, Meryl. Miss Baker, Nicholas was not proud of that incident, but his intentions were not evil.

 _Melinda: Believe me,_ my _intentions are not put down either of your men. I just want your take on the story._

Milly: They did have two sides to them. More than two sides, actually. They were very complicated. I’ve heard lots of lies—or maybe some partial lies—used to describe Nicholas. They say he was violent, bloodthirsty, and murderous. But when I looked into his eyes, I saw kindness. Any they say the eyes are the windows to the soul!

 _M_ e _linda: Just to play the devil’s advocate, but could it have been you were seeing what you wanted to see?_

Milly: Could be—but I noticed that about him and his eyes when we first met. And I didn’t fall in love with him right at that moment, so why would I be seeing what I wanted to see then? I did end up seeing in his eyes things no on else ever saw. Hmm-mmm. Feelings directly solely at me.

**Meryl: We saw our men at their heroic best, and we saw them when they hit rock bottom.**

Milly: I think seeing them in such a pathetic state actually made us love them more.

**Meryl: Yeah, you’re right. It wasn’t long after seeing them at their worst that we, well, _personally_ experienced the best they had to give us.**

Milly: Hee hee. So to speak. It’s been, what? A half a century for me—no, over sixty years, and I can still feel Nicholas’ hands on my skin as he—

**Meryl: Milly, shush! There’ll be time to tell that part later!**

Milly: I can still see his naked body by the light of the moons. Sigh.

**Meryl: Milly!**

Milly: All right, I’ll be good. Hm-mmm.

**Meryl: Sigh. Vash was so sweet—he’d cry every time we made love.**

Milly: I thought you said there'd be time for that later!

**Meryl: Oh, I guess so.**

_Melinda: Was Wolfwood really a priest? In one of the movies, he was portrayed as just a gunslinger masquerading a priest._

Milly: Oh, he was a priest, all right. He worked for an orphanage. There’s still an orphanage there today. Nicholas was just very..odd..for a priest.

**Meryl: So, you admit it! He was a strange and unusual man!**

Milly: I’ve never denied that, Meryl! It’s part of what made him so intriguing! Besides, you could never pass off Vash as normal.

**Meryl: No, I guess not. Karen thought we were both nuts for hooking up with the guys we did.**

_Melinda: Who’s Karen?_

Milly: What happened to Karen anyway?

**Meryl: I heard she had three husbands and died a bitter woman.**

_Melinda: Who’s Karen?_

**Meryl: Oh, just someone we used to work with back at Bernadelli Insurance.**

Milly: She’s not very interesting. You’re better off hearing me tell you about my Nicholas.

**Meryl: I hope you’re prepared, because she _loves_ talking about him. She won’t know when to shut up.**

_Melinda: **That’s** what I’m hoping for._


	2. Head on My Shoulder

Milly: Nicholas was the first man to notice me. It seems that way, anyway. I guess it’s not true—like one time, when Meryl and I had first set out to find Vash, some guys in a bar made lewd comments at us. But times like that don’t count.

I guess I looked all right, but I didn’t have a gorgeous face that stopped men in their tracks. I was too tall to appeal to most of them. Especially since my height made it hard to find feminine clothes my size—my mother didn’t sew, and goodness knows, with that many kids, she should have—so I took to wearing mostly men’s clothing early on.

I don’t know why, but Nicholas saw past that right from the start. That time on the bus, the day we first met, he put me in a state of shock when he leaned against me and fell asleep. Most women would have thought he was getting fresh—after my initial discomfort, I felt too flattered to care. As the bus continued on, I began thinking how handsome he was. Why hadn’t I noticed it right from the moment we met? Well, given I still hadn’t known him for a whole day, you could excuse me for taking a few hours to really notice.

Shortly thereafter, I must have fallen asleep myself, for the next thing I knew, I woke up to find him still resting on my shoulder. That physical closeness, it was making me feel emotionally close, too. I knew already I was falling. But would we ever even see each other again after today?

He woke, and looked at me tenderly, as though we had just made love. Then the last traces of sleep vanished, and an expression of sheepishness replaced the sweetness. “Uh, how long have I been out?” he joked.

“I’m really not sure.”

“I hope I didn’t make your shoulder sore.”

“It’s fine,” I said simply. It seemed like I should have said more, but I could not think of anything.

From her seat across the narrow aisle, Meryl shook her fist at Nicholas. “You’re lucky! She should’ve whacked you one!”

“Don’t mind her!” Vash insisted, lowering Meryl’s arm with his own, making her more irritable. “She’s just upset you stole her seat.”

**Meryl: We arrived in town, and Wolfwood and the three of us went our separate ways. Later, at Milly’s and my hotel room, I confronted her about the incident. “Proper young ladies do not let strange men sleep on their shoulders!"**

**“Oh, but he seemed nice!”**

**“You admitted he was a strange and unusual man!”**

**“Yeah, but, I…” I think she was ready to burst into song.**

**“You liked it, didn’t you?” I demanded.**

**“Well, actually, yeah. I guess so.”**

**“Don’t!”**

**“But, Meryl, you can’t tell me not to like something if it already happened and I already did like it,” she reasoned. “That’s impossible!”**

**I stared at her incredulously for a moment. Then I held a hand to my forehead. “Oh, never mind!” Already, he had more sway over her than I did—and I was supposed to be her leader. A warning bell went off in my head—Wolfwood plus Milly equals trouble.**

_Melinda:_ _All the girls are crazy over the latest actor to play Wolfwood on screen. How do you think he compares to the original?_

Milly: I prefer my Nicholas, of course! He was handsome, yet not perfectly so. There was a little bit of goofiness to his looks, as if he were apologizing. Maybe saying something like “I know I’m hardly the ideal priest, but I’m having fun.” His black hair was shaggy—but, oh, how dramatic it looked blowing in the wind! There was a little stubble on his chin. He was a sloppy dresser, seldom bothering to button his shirt all the way. But I must admit, I enjoyed sneaking peeks at his chest.

I like a bit of that imperfection in a man’s looks. Those who are perfectly gorgeous are a bit too, well, sweet, like candy you get tired of after only a couple of bites.

_Melinda: (She handed me a green glass bottle of cologne, labeled Rarity.)_

Milly: Here, sniff this. Isn’t it dreamy? This is what Nicholas always wore. I misplaced the original bottle. It took me forever to find that scent again. It really is a Rarity! When I did find it, and I took a sniff, it felt so nostalgic I cried.

That’s something I miss about the old days. Every man wore cologne back then. And they smelled so good! A whiff could get me giddy…

All us gals wore perfume, too. My favorite one to wear was Pure Snow. Meryl like something called Recollection, but she liked Pure Snow, too. Funny, I’ve never seen snow, but I imagine that’s what it must smell like!

Well, back to Nicholas. Nicholas—at the time, I always addressed him as “Mr. Wolfwood” or even “Mr. Priest”—he was there for a couple more adventures we had—the kind we always seemed to have when Vash was around. 

One night, before a big quick draw contest, I was playing cards with Vash and Nicholas. Being tipsy, I had stripped my top half down to my camisole. I didn’t get completely naked as Meryl seems to think. Besides, although camisoles can be worn as underclothes, they are modest enough to sport as outerwear! My bra straps were peeking through, but I don’t know that that was such a big deal either. And I guess if you looked carefully, you could see the pattern of my bra underneath the camisole’s thin cloth. But I trust the two gentlemen would never have allowed me go so far as Meryl thinks. Although both of them were rather drunk and a bit interested in a show. Meryl put a robe on me, but I took it off again.

“Mister Priest,” I declared.

“What?”

“You’re a priest.”

He nodded slowly, wondering what I was getting at. “Yeah?”

“Did you take any vows?”

“Well, what kind do you mean?”

“I mean, like vows to celibacy.”

He shook his head. “No, in my church, priests can get married if they want.”

I laughed, a bit too heartily. “That’s good.”

“There are rules about abstinence, though,” he clarified.

“Well, I think it’s good to abstain,” I declared, slamming my hand down on the table. “From alcohol! Um, and the other thing, too.”

“From alcohol?” he wondered, incredulous.

“Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m drunk!” I cried, stretching my arms up over my head and laughing stupidly. The chair nearly tilted over.

“Hey, whoa there, honey!” Nicholas exclaimed, nearly jumping out of his seat to make sure I didn’t fall over. But I was okay. He settled back down his chair. “Remind me never to get you drunk again.”

Vash spoke up, his voice slurred. “Priests shouldn’t get girls or infamous legends such as myself drunk.”

Nicholas grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, what was I thinking? Bad priest.”

**Meryl: You’ve all heard of the famous incident after the quick draw contest—where dozens of bad guys were going to jump Vash and Wolfwood, but Wolfwood shot them all down in what had to be called, despite it being in self defense, a rampage. He didn’t kill anyone, mind you, which makes me wonder why he ever had to kill anyone at all, if he was at good as Vash at sharpshooting. He could have just disarmed every bad guy that he met.**

Milly: I think we were all shocked at Nicholas’ taking everyone down, but no one died, you know. And part of me was just in awe. Whether what he did was good or bad, this was one incredible man.

**Meryl: To be honest, there were times I thought Wolfwood was no less than a madman.**

Milly: Nicholas took off after the tournament, and Vash, Meryl, and I ended up joining a caravan on the way to Demislad. In the caravan trailer, stopped briefly before reaching its destination, I sighed. “Thinking about Mr. Wolfwood?” Meryl asked.

I was startled. “How did you know?”

She smiled. “I think you like him.”

“Well, of course, I like him! Why, don’t you like him?”

“Oh, I don’t really mean like. I mean love.”

“Do I love Mr. Wolfwood? Why, I don’t know!”

“Maybe you just have a crush on him.”

“I do get to feeling giddy when he’s near,” I admitted. I looked around, making sure Vash wasn’t here, then I turned back to her. “Meryl, do you love Mr. Vash?”

She sat bolt upright. “What, him? You’ve got to be kidding! The man is a moron!”

“You do always get flustered when he’s near.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just an observation.”

“I don’t love him. I despise him.”

I looked at her with pure disbelief.

“Okay, maybe despise is too strong a word..Can we talk about something else now?”

Milly: When I woke up the next morning, after a sweet dream about Nicholas, I knew I really was in love. But why would any man fall in love with _me_?

I ran into him again at the caravan canteen. Oh, how my heart beat with excitement! I hardly even noticed when he snapped at me for moving his chess pieces. We had such an adventure together, helping two young lovers escape persecution.

Then Nicholas went away again. I wanted to see him some more, but I did not feel all that sad. At least, that’s what I told myself. After all, we had not started anything more than a friendship, officially speaking. Besides, I knew in my heart we’d hear from him again.

Actually, to tell the truth, I missed him something terrible.


	3. Catastrophe after Catastrophe

_Melinda: The Fifth Moon. Augusta. The effects were felt all over this world. And who was the finger of blame pointed at? Vash the Stampede. And he would indeed admit to these acts of destruction, though his biographer, and Meryl and Milly, too, of course, say he wasn’t to blame. It was the work of Legato Bluesummers, manipulating Vash’s “Angel Arm”. I still am not sure exactly what an Angel Arm is, but I do know it can unleash deadly force, like the nuclear bombs of the Old World, destroying entire cities in moments._

_The Insurance Girls weren’t with Vash when it happened, but they sensed the electricity in the air. They knew something catastrophic would soon happen. Meryl was in anguish worrying about Vash—the man she claimed to hate. She told me about how desperate she was to get to Vash, how Milly had to drag her away, literally kicking and screaming. But finally, the dust began to settle on Augusta, and the two office ladies returned to the site…_

**Meryl: Standing in the ruins of a once proud city, Milly suddenly exclaimed, “It’s him!”**

**My heart skipped a beat as I looked up. I would forgive him; he would tell me what happened and I would forgive him. Oh, it wasn’t _my_ him. It was _her_ him. Wolfwood, picking through the rubble. But what was he doing here?**

**He saw us—well, saw Milly mostly, and called out, “Honey!” She clambered over fallen bricks to reach him, and they hugged. I’m not sure either of them realized he blurted out “honey” instead of her name. Milly had for the moment forgotten about catastrophe and was smiling at him, her eyes shining as brightly as the North Stars. All this damage, all those people rendered homeless, and all she could see…I sighed. Would I be any different if I spotted Vash? Seeing them embrace made me ache.**

**Wolfwood and we two compared notes, but I don’t think he was telling us everything. He vowed to make it his mission to find Vash. We gave him our office card to contact us or Bernadelli if he did, but I don’t think he even intended to let us know.**

**I was devastated when Bernadelli sent us back to the main office in December City. We were no longer to accompany Vash. I guess you could say my heart was broken. I knew I would miss him.**

**Those days back at the office were spent on edge, waiting for news from or about Vash. It was a combination of both not being able to forget and refusing to let go that kept me in a state of waiting. Karen would needle me mercilessly, but I didn’t care.**

**I’m ashamed to say that my friendship with Milly reverted to a more casual one, though I spoke with her every workday and some weekends. She was sharing a flat with a sister or two, and I lived alone in an apartment of my own. I used to like living alone. Now it was more like living lonely.**

**Then we found out Vash was on the roam again. Thankfully, Bernadelli reversed its hands off policy, and teamed up Milly and I again. Soon, we boarded a sand steamer and were on our way to New Oregon.**

_Melinda: To make it short, the steamer got hijacked. Vash prevented a man from killing in revenge, but got multiple bruises to the face when the man repeatedly hit him. Don’t ask how these two events are related—it’s too complicated! Meryl and Milly whisked Vash to the outskirts of town…_

__

**Meryl: I was leading Vash away from the city when Milly ran ahead of me, pouncing on Wolfwood, whom we had not seen since Augusta. “Whee!”**

**“Umphh!” Wolfwood grunted, falling to the ground. He could have injured himself on the rocky terrain. “Say, will you look where you’re going?” he shouted angrily.**

**“Oh, I’m sorry,” Milly squeaked, her hands folded together pensively.**

**Wolfwood smiled, and held up an arm so Milly could help him to his feet. “Ah, forget it. I can’t stay mad at someone like you. Good to see ya, honey.”**

**“You found Vash and didn’t tell us,” I scolded, as the priest dusted himself off.**

**“Hey, it hasn’t been that long since I found him,” he defended.**

**“Meryl,” Vash broke in.**

**I turned my head. “Huh?”**

**“I wanted to lay low.” He sat down, staring off moodily over the town.**

**Wolfwood scolded Vash, then made the pretense of leaving. As I sat down next to Vash, Milly also made herself scarce.**

**“Long time, no see,” Vash said to me flatly.**

**“Yeah,” I said nervously. He didn’t appear happy about the reunion, much to my disappointment. We sat together, gazing down at the town of New Oregon. He was so sullen and brooding.**

**“You should be happy,” I said finally. “No one was killed. You won.”**

**“I must look like hell,” he remarked.**

**“Is _that_ what you’re worried about?” My mind flashed back to him shirtless, his multitude of scars lay bare, saying to Milly and I, “It’s not exactly something I like girls to see. I think many of them would run away.” Was he embarrassed that we had seen him with his face swollen and bruised?**

**“I guess I’m just sore about having my face used as a punching bag.” He winced. “Sore in more ways than one. Though I suppose I really can’t blame that guy, after his daughter was killed in such a terrible manner. I can only imagine how that feels.” Sounding surprised at himself, he added, “I’ve never had any children of my own.”**

**“Do you want to?”**

**“I don’t know that that’s a good idea.”**

**I looked at him curiously.**

**“You already know the reason why,” he told me, answering my question before it was asked. Then he turned it around on me. “Do you want children? Someday?”**

**“I can take it or leave it,” I replied. I was staring ahead, but I could feel his eyes studying me. “If my future husband wants one, I guess I’ll give him one, and see how that works out before having any more.”**

**“I think you’d make a great mother!” he declared.**

**I turned in his direction. “Why’s that?”**

**He smiled impishly. “Because you’re always bossing me around!”**

**“Oh, I oughtta smack you one!” I snapped, but I was glad to see him joking and smiling. “But you’ve had enough abuse for one day, so I’ll skip it.”**

**“Go on and hit me,” he encouraged. “One more won’t hurt.” It could have been a jest, but I could see he had returned to being sullen.**

**“Vash—you broke the cycle of violence between two families,” I told him. “Maybe now their feud will end.”**

**“It’d be nice to think so, wouldn’t it?” Vash returned in a soft, nearly timid tone. When he wasn’t bellowing about something, his voice was so kind and gentle, so easy on my ears. I had missed that voice so much.**

_Melinda: Vash and Wolfwood’s next adventure (sans the Insurance Girls) was aboard the last remaining Project Seeds spaceship, still flying in the atmosphere. Although both men tried valiantly to save the ship, the Gung-Ho Guns prevailed and the ship plummeted from the sky. The crashing ship was like nothing the office ladies had ever seen before. Blocking out the sky, it was frightening. Milly and Meryl just wanted to hide under a bed like a couple of cats. But the girls knew they would find Vash, and maybe even Wolfwood, at the crash site. What they didn’t know was that they would find a bunch of newly homeless—and clueless—“settlers”._

Milly: I saw Nicholas lying in the sand, and at first I thought it was strange for him to relax, then I realized he was hurt. I ran up to him and fell into a kneeling position beside him. “Mr. Wolfwood!”

He smiled. “Ah, my angel of mercy.”

“Can you get up?”

"I don’t think I should.”

“Oh!” I said solemnly. “Back injury.” I glanced down and, seeing his bloody leg, winced.

“That’s nothing,” he assured me.

His back injury ended up being only temporary—it would clear up in a couple of days. The leg wound was cleaned and bandaged, and it caused no long term harm, either. Vash wasn’t seriously wounded, either, except emotionally. A young man named Brad had died taking bullets for him.

Residents of New Oregon intermingled with the former spaceship dwellers. Even though they had just been hit by Typhoon Jacqueline, they were convinced to help the reluctant newcomers. The two parties could help each other, actually.

A camp was set up, and one evening, the four of us were sitting around one of many fires. A young woman named Jessica, who looked more like a child, also joined in. From what I gathered, she was either Brad’s sweetie, or imagined she was Vash’s girlfriend. Meryl would have given her the cold shoulder, but she realized this was no time for jealousy.

I shivered—it was a cold night. Nicholas placed a blanket around my shoulders, then extended it to fit over his as well, wrapping the cloth around us. “Yeah, you’re my angel of mercy, aren’t you?”

I giggled as he put his hand on my waist to pull me closer. Meryl looked up. “It’s nothing,” I explained. She couldn’t see—for all she knew, he was behaving lewdly under the covers, but I didn’t think he was.

Jessica looked wistful. Vash just looked miserable.

The air was solemn, but I still relished the nearness of Nicholas’ body, and felt aglow with love. It’s funny, but I still wasn’t sure how he felt. I guess it’s like that with love—no matter how obvious the signs, you don’t know how your darling feels until he says those three big words.

Being with him like that was wonderful, despite the tragedy of the surroundings. Oh, he had to be the most incredible man on the planet! Well, Meryl insists that that title belongs to Vash, and Vash the Stampede is, admittedly, the most legendary man on the planet. But though I once thought I was developing a crush on Vash, when Nicholas came along, my heart went to him instead.

Nicholas was handsome, he was heroic, he was big-hearted, he was holy. Although he had some habits peculiar to a priest! He sure was different from the reverend back in my home town!

I finally asked him about it, the night before we drove into Keybos. We picked a cave to spend the night. While Vash and Meryl were preparing the inside, I walked outside to where Nicholas was taking a cigarette break. “Are you staying with us this time, Mr. Wolfwood?”

“I may tag along a little while longer.”

“I don’t like it when you go away,” I said, on one hand, hoping my romantic feelings showed through, on the other hand, hoping he thought I was just talking to him friend to friend.

“I have work to do, you know that.”

“You could collect money for the orphanage with us. Mr. Vash doesn’t have a job to speak of, and Meryl and I—all we do is follow him around from town to town. And that’s what you do—go from town to town. And besides, Mr. Vash needs a buddy.”

Nicholas stared at the ground, kicking a pebble. “Vash isn’t wandering aimlessly. He has his own problems he has to take care of.”

“Well, you always have a place with us, you know.”

“Did Vash and Meryl tell you you could say that?”

“Well, no, but I’m sure—”

“Never mind. It’s good to know that regardless.” He put the cigarette back to his mouth.

“Why do you do that?”

He pulled the cigarette from his lips. “What? Why do I smoke if I’m a priest?” he asked knowingly.

“Yeah, I was wondering why you drink, too, but I drink sometimes, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”

He explained, “The way I see it, Milly, being a Christian’s not about obeying every verse with total strictness. It’s doing something to make the world a better place, and relying on Christ to cover your sins.”

I smiled. “Yeah.”

He continued, “Vash isn’t a preacher, but he’s probably holier than me. But the problem with Vash is he’s too idealistic.”

“What do you mean, Mr. Wolfwood?”

“He thinks there’s always an alternative to fatal force. The problem is, there’s a lot of people on this planet who aren’t about to talk things out peacefully. Gunfire is the only law they understand. I’m not saying I like it, but that’s just the way it is.”

"In this day and age,” I began slowly, trying to recap what he said. “A priest has to be a warrior.”

He grinned at me, and I felt my heart beat faster. “A warrior, hey? I like that. Ha—Nicholas D. Wolfwood, priest and warrior.”

“Onward, Christian soldier!” I shouted. Then, quieting down, I asked again, “So why do you smoke?”

“Ahh—at first, it was to rebel against the man who raised me. But I got hooked on it. Besides, gives me something to do on my long treks through the desert.”

“I’m not judging you,” I insisted. “My father and two of my brothers smoke, so I’m used to—” I stopped. Used to kissing men who smoke, is what I had wanted to say. “Used to it,” I finished instead, rather lamely.

He looked at me curiously, then asked, “So, where’s it say in the Bible not to smoke?”

“Well, it’s just not a healthy habit.”

“True—but it also acts as a sexual suppressant.”

“It does?”

“Yeah. So every priest should probably smoke—in order to keep his chastity.”

I laughed. “You’re funny.”

“You think I’m kidding?” he asked, one side of his mouth curling up slightly. “And about swearing—all it says is don’t take God’s name in vain. That means so-called bad words without religious connotation are fair game. And it seems to me it’s okay to drink as long as you don’t become a drunkard.” He turned the spotlight around on me. “Do you think priests should be celibate?” he asked bluntly.

“Well, I think there’s certain rules—”

“I mean get married. I’m not talking about fooling around.”

“Oh! No, I don’t see why they should be denied love..unless that’s what they want. And besides, people who are denied a way to, um…” I tried to think of the phrasing. “…Let it out end up doing crazy things. Like molesting boys. Not that you would ever do that,” I added hurriedly.

“I would never hurt a child,” he said solemnly, and despite what would happen in the near future, I am sure he meant that.

“I know. You’re a very intriguing man, Mr. Wolfwood. I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You’re even more..interesting..than Vash.”

He gazed at me and smiled. I smiled back, holding his stare for a second or two. And I think, at that moment, although we said nothing, that both of us knew how the other felt, that we were in love. Deep down anyway—on the surface, we were still unsure that our love could be returned. 

Before we could say another word, Meryl told us supper was ready.


	4. Alternative Conversation

**Meryl: At and around Keybos, there was quite an adventure. Plucky orphans. Angry townspeople. And ravenous giant worms. Vash figured out one kid named Bete was behind it, and disabled the apparatus he used to control the worms. On the tall building’s roof top, as Vash talked to Bete—or Zazie the Beast, as he preferred to be called—I felt hope that even the darkest souls could find redemption. Then, before Zazie could decide to surrender or not, he was gunned down.**

Milly: As Zazie fell, I suddenly realized I hadn’t seen Nicholas around. He wasn’t the one who shot Zazie, was he? _Please don’t be Mr. Wolfwood, please don’t be Mr. Wolfwood_ , I thought desperately. We all looked over—there he was, his cross gun smoking.

Vash marched over to where he was. “Why, Wolfwood?” he snarled. I have to admit, I wanted to know why myself. It seemed so unreal. He had always loved children, and acted as their guardian and protector. I could give countless examples, many from earlier that very day. Now he had killed one and traumatized the rest. He must have had some reason.

Some reason Vash would never understand.

I don’t like confrontations and arguments. I don’t like being part of one. I don’t like even being witness to one—I get the same knife-in-heart tingle I do as if I was participating. But I can’t turn away—my ears are somehow fascinated by hearing the others argue. Such as Vash and Nicholas. They really tore into each other.

I still couldn’t believe it had happened. I wanted to go back in time to not long ago when the four of us—Nicholas and I, and Vash and Meryl—had been cruising in a car, Nicholas and I joking with each other, and Vash and Meryl quietly enjoying each other’s company in the back. We had never been more a quartet than that moment, never more like family. In my heart, that’s how we’ll always stay.

Nicholas walked away, quietly, fallen from grace and no doubt fearing that if he didn’t leave our gang, he would be thrown out. His eyes—I will never forget his eyes—he refused to lock them with mine, seeing me and quickly looking away, ashamed. At that moment, his eyes held no rage, no bloodlust, no indignation—just sorrow. And despair.

My heart ached. I felt no anger against him. I just felt sorry for him.

I looked for Nicholas before we left town. Some guy said he had sold him a used motorcycle, and I knew he had left town without us.

The ride to the next town was, for the most part, in unbearable silence. Vash, his sunglasses on, drove, and Meryl sat up front with him. I lay in the back, sighing a lot.

“You shouldn’t worry about him,” Meryl advised me after one particularly long and loud sigh. “He knows how to look out for himself,” she said with traces of bitterness. “He always has.”

“I wish you wouldn’t—” I began.

“What? Put him down? Milly, it’s not like he’s innocent until proven guilty. We all saw what he did. And don’t forget, not only did he gun down a kid, he hit Vash, in case you’ve forgotten!”

“Meryl..” Vash interrupted gently.

“Yes, Vash?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he explained quietly.

“But you’re not—”

“I don’t want to _hear_ about it right now,” Vash rephrased.

“All right,” Meryl agreed meekly, and closed her mouth.

The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

**Meryl: The town was silent except for the wind. Vash was certain that all of the former residents—every man, woman, child—apparently, even every pet—was now dead. The author of the crime, Knives, had left his bloody signature in the center of town on a monument. In helpless anguish, all Vash could do was shoot at the slab, as though killing Knives in effigy.**

**I did not know what to do. I had never seen such a desperate grief. Here was a man I had seen many sides of—goofy and idiotic, and self-assured and determined. Now he was hurting, in deeper pain than I could imagine. I wanted to comfort him, but how? How could I ease that great a pain even a little?**

**Warily, I placed a hand on his shoulder. “Vash, what can I do?” I asked timidly. “How can I help?”**

**For a second, I thought I saw a mischievous gleam in his eyes, but it faded before I even had a chance to ascertain it was there. Vash gestured at the name on the rock. “All this—it’s his fault. Even yesterday—that wasn’t Wolfwood’s fault. Everything goes back to Knives.”**

**“But how can I—?”**

**“Stay back when I tell you to,” he replied angrily. “Don’t follow when I tell you not to.”**

**“But I’m afraid I can’t do that—it’s my job.” It seemed to me we had had this conversation before.**

**“Yeah, well, I’m sure your job description never included getting killed to save people a few dollars on insurance premiums.”**

**I could have snapped at him for trying to order me around, but I didn’t have the heart. I just sighed.**

**“Just…look, just go back to Milly right now,” he said sullenly. “Thanks for the help, but I’d rather be alone, all right?”**

**I decided not to get offended. Reluctantly, I nodded and backed away. _This is why I’m so scared to console people when they’re in moods like this,_ I thought.**

Milly: In the house Meryl and I had adopted, the electricity was still running, the plumbing still functioning—indeed, it was like that all over town, as if the people were coming back any time now. We found a fully stocked kitchen and pantry, and set about making sandwiches. 

I was thinking of Nicholas all the while. I felt shame now for my love of a man who had done such a deed as killing a kid. But the other part of me rationalized his act. I had to talk to him, get him to tell me what he was feeling. I steeled my heart—I was determined to love him no matter what.

Meryl may not have made the sandwiches with Nicholas in mind, but when she left to check on Vash, I decided they were going to him. I could just hear what Meryl would have to say: “I hope you’re not going to see Mr. Wolfwood.”

I stuck my chin up in the air, and said resolutely to myself, “Regardless of what he did, he still needs to eat.” I left a note on the table. “I may be awhile,” I told her in it. “He may need to talk.”

Heading over, I felt anxious. What would his mood be? Still, in a way, I suppose I was blissfully ignorant, not knowing the fate that would await him tomorrow. Nor knowing what the two of us would do that night. My life would be forever changed.

But I had to see him. He had run away, ashamed. He needed somebody, someone who wouldn’t judge, to draw him out of his shell and bring him back into society. Show him he still had a home he could return to. Or else he would just keep on running.

Nicholas was sullen; he was angry—but when I begged him to eat the sandwiches, he shyly asked me to dine with him. “I would be more than happy to stay and eat with you, Mr. Wolfwood,” I agreed, pulling up a chair near the bed he was sitting on.

“Please—call me Nicholas.”

“Okay, Mr. Wolfwood,” I said hesitantly.

“We’ve been friends long enough. I want to hear you call me Nicholas.” He was desperately insistent.

“Nicholas,” I repeated, and giggled nervously.

He smiled with genuine gratefulness. “Now doesn’t that sound nicer than Mr. Wolfwood?”

I nodded, and took a sandwich in my hand. “Nicholas is a beautiful name.”

“Milly,” he said. “Is that short for Millicent?”

“Yeah,” I replied, blushing. “But I don’t like that name. It sounds snooty..well, to me anyway.”

“C’mon, it’s pretty!”

“I suppose. It sounds like the name of some rich girl.” This came out sounding rather garbled, for my mouth was full at the time. Bad-mannered me!

“But you’re not a rich girl.”

“No. My family..we weren’t dirt poor, but with so many children, money was spread thin sometimes.”

We ate in silence a moment, then Nicholas asked me, “What did you do with the orphans?”

“We left them in the care of the townspeople,” I answered. “There wasn’t much else we could do. They promised to take care of them.”

“I’d say send them to my orphanage, but I doubt any of those kids trusts me now.”

“Mister, er, Nicholas, who takes care of the orphanage when you’re away? You’ve been gone an awfully long time.”

“An elderly couple from the church, and their daughter. Grown daughter. You’re right, I have been gone an awful long time.”

“I’d like to see this place.”

“Ah, you would? I’d be glad to have you come along.”


	5. Confessions

Milly: I looked around the dwelling Nicholas had chosen to camp out in. It was small. The bedroom/living area was pretty basic—no special decorative touches. I wandered into an even smaller bathroom, and then into another bedroom, which looked like it had been converted from storage space. This one at least had some feminine touches, like pink paint on one wall, and floral wallpaper on another. I opened a wooden wardrobe and pulled out a dress. It was light green with dark green velvet shoulders. Holding it up in front of me, I noticed to my amazement that it was my length. Closing the door, I tried it on, then ran out to Nicholas. “Look what I found!” I squealed.

His eyes lit up. “You look very pretty. That color’s good on you.”

I shyly looked away, then ran back into the female’s bedroom. I changed back into my clothes, well, minus my duster, shoes, and tie, but checked out more of her attire to see if it was my size.

“You ought to take some of them with you,” Nicholas suggested, when I returned to the front room.

“Oh, I couldn’t do that!”

“It’s not stealing, Milly,” he said, perhaps taking my cue and kicking off his own footwear. “Unfortunately, none of these people are ever coming back.”

“I’m still not sure I feel right about it.” Still, I went back to her room, checking out a chest of drawers. It amused me to find several pair of pajamas the same cut as my own. 

I showed one pair to Nicholas. “I think I’ll keep these.”

He smiled. “All those pretty dresses, and you want to keep a pair of pajamas just like the ones you already have.”

“Well, she has more than one pair,” I rationalized. “She won’t miss them if she comes back.”

“Milly, she’s not—”

“Please, Mr. Wolfwood. I just like to imagine she would, even if she won’t, ‘k?”

“Okay, Milly, I understand.”

“I wonder if she was very much like me, and what became of her.” I put the pajamas on the window shelf, then I sat down facing Nicholas. He had one of his pistols in his hand. I didn’t know why. He must have gotten it out while I was exploring the wardrobe.

“Vash must think I’m bloodthirsty,” he said carefully. “But I don’t kill for thrills. It may seem I’m a bit, well, gung-ho, but I’ve always tried to act with justice. So, Milly, do you think I was wrong?”

I was startled by his directness. “I already said—”

“No, I want to know what you really think.”

“I don’t think you’re a murderer,” I said carefully, sweeping my bangs out of my eyes. “He did threaten us with his guns.”

“You didn’t fully answer my question.” His eyes bore into me. I returned his stare and he looked away.

“I wish you had waited a second longer,” I mumbled.

“That’s what I thought.” Suddenly, he pointed his gun at his skull.

“Don’t do that!” I cried.

He remained silent, but did not pull the trigger. His hand was trembling.

“You’re bluffing,” I guessed, trying to sound sure of myself. “Like that time with Julius and Moore in Demislad.”

“What do I have to bluff about? In one moment, I’ve ruined my entire life.”

“No, you have—”

“No kid’s ever gonna trust me again.”

“How would they know?”

“They’ll find out. Believe me, they’ll find out. Word’ll spread from one town to the next. I’ll be an ogre. I’ll never be able to work in an orphanage again.”

“I told them why,” I blurted. “When the children asked why, I reminded them that Bete had been ready to shoot Mr. Vash and Meryl.”

“I’ve lost them, too,” he mourned, still refusing to lower the gun. “You’re the only friend I have left. They hate me, don’t they?”

“They don’t hate you!” I insisted. To be truthful, I added, “Meryl’s mad right now, but she doesn’t hold on to grudges forever. Mr. Vash, well, he’s more sad than anything.”

“Yeah, I saw him today. We didn’t say anything. He just looked at me like some dog.” He lowered the gun for a second, but that just gave me false hope. He raised it again, testing how sticking it down his throat would work.

“Isn’t suicide a sin in your church?” I demanded. “It sure is in mine!”

He took the gun from his mouth and put it back to his skull. “Yeah, it is. But look at me. My very existence is blasphemy to the church. And yesterday, dragging my cross as I left the scene of the crime—I probably turned all those kids off Christ for life!”

“But it wasn’t a crime,” I argued. “Most courts in this land would excuse you as having done it in defense of your friends.”

“Yeah, well, my friends took offense at that. I should’ve waited. Waited just a second longer to see what that kid was going to do.”

“By then, it may have been too late,” I reasoned.

He sighed.

“Please put the gun down, Nich--Nicholas.”

"Are you _that_ sure things’ll get better?”

“My big sister taught me when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.”

He lowered the gun to his lap. Gently, I pried it out of his hand, and put it on the window ledge.

He told me of his past, how he was orphaned and left with an uncle who abused him—verbally and physically, even sexually at times—he wasn’t raped in the sense of being penetrated, but he was handled in places he shouldn’t have been. Who could have blamed young Nick for killing his guardian? I told him this, too, was self defense. 

Then he told me of his mentor, Chapel the Evergreen, who raised him to be a marksman and priest, in that order. “He deserves to be called a man of God even less than me,” Nicholas remarked. “He taught me to preach the Word of God, but he also taught me to shoot first, ask questions later. All in the name of frontier justice. You remember reading in the Bible about the Pharisees?”

I nodded.

“Well, he’s like that. Very holy on the outside—inside..that’s another story. You know, Christ came down harder on the Pharisees than any other group of people. That’s why I try to be open about my vices . Call me what you will, at least I’m not a hypocrite.”

“Did you get _any_ love growing up?”

He shrugged. “Not much.”

“Yet somehow, in spite of all this—”

“I became all mixed up.”

“No. In spite of how you were raised, you ended up with a good heart. That’s pretty amazing.”

He chose to ignore my compliment; at least, he seemed to. Instead, he continued, “I found some love at the orphanage. But sometimes it’s best not to get too personal. There was this one little girl, Ramona. She was eight years old. Very sweet. But she got sick and there was nothing I could do to help her. I remember, when she knew death was moments away, she asked me to hold her until..until she passed through to the other side. I never get over that. She lost her parents, and then she herself died.”

“But she’s in Paradise, right? And hopefully with her parents.”

“Yeah, you can look at death that way,” Nicholas said thoughtfully. “But somehow, it’s still tragic. I may be there, too, sooner than you think.”

“What do you mean?” I demanded, alarmed.

"The Gung-Ho Guns—”

“They’re after you?”

“Milly…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I am one.”

I gasped.

“Chapel joined them a long time ago. They lured him in by promising they would purge the world of evil and make a fresh start. I tried to stay away from them as much as I could, but now they’ve got the orphanage in a vise.” His speech sounded like sobbing. “I’ve tried to throw a wrench in their plans every opportunity I’ve had, but..there’s only so much I can do.”

“What are they making you do?”

He sniffed, and then continued with false calm. “They want me to bring Vash to their leader. Just to talk, they said. I should have known better than to believe that. Chapel just told me this morning to kill Vash.”

“You won’t do that?” I asked hopefully.

He shook his head. “I can’t. But I can’t refuse, either. Anyone who goes against Legato’s will dies, and dies horribly. Zazie was a Gung-Ho Gun. That’s why I shot him. I knew it was his mission to kill Vash. Unless…” He drew in a breath. “Unless you and Vash and Meryl talked him out of it. Maybe he wasn’t evil. Maybe he was caught in a vise, just like me.” He looked heavenward. “Oh, God, what have I done?”

“He may have shot Mr. Vash quicker than any of us could have reacted,” I offered.

“No, Milly. I should’ve waited a second longer.”

“But then like you said, he may have been killed anyway.”

“That’s a moot point.”

“Well…” I thought hard. “You know, just because Mr. Vash says something doesn’t mean you have to believe it. And follow it. He’s not Jesus, you know.”

Nicholas smiled. “Not unless Jesus got stoned drunk at the wedding at Cana.”

“Or played peeping Tom with Mary Magdalene.”

Nicholas snorted. “Yeah, Vash is just a flawed being like the rest of us.” He sighed. “But he’s still more like Christ than I’ll ever be.”

"You’re a good man, Mist—” I caught myself. “—Nicholas.” Again, I was amazed that he had turned out as good as he had, with bad men trying to tempt him from youth. Essentially, it was because he was a free spirit. The Gung-Ho Guns tried to turn him into a cold-blooded murderer; the priests tried to turn him into a polished saint. In the end, he learned from both of their styles, combining things in his own way.

He smiled sadly. “You’re very sweet, Milly.” He shook his head. “But I’m dirt. I’m not worthy to shine Vash’s shoes.” He looked at the cross on one of his cuffs, running a finger down its length. He stood up suddenly, tearing the jacket off and throwing it on the floor. “Ah, why do I even bother wearing this thing? I _am_ a hypocrite!”

He sat down and sighed. “You know the stupidest thing about all this? Taking Zazie’s life isn’t even what hurts me most. It’s that I’ve lost Vash. All I wanted was to save that bastard’s life. Instead, I just killed our friendship.”

“You love Mr. Vash, don’t you?”

“What are you, nuts?”

“I mean friend to friend you love him.”

He rested a hand on his fist. Finally, he muttered, “Yeah, but don’t tell him I said so.”

“Well, okay, but maybe if you told him what you told me…”

He shook his head sadly. “He’d never understand.” With the half-unbuttoned, loose white shirt, dark pants, and his shaggy black hair, he now looked like a swashbuckling prince from one of the old planet’s fairy tales. Except I didn’t recall any of them ever being as angst-ridden as he was then.

“Mr. Vash may have chewed you out the other day, but generally speaking, he’s really not that judgmental,” I remarked. “He’s more concerned with his own behavior and if he breaks one of his rules, rather than if other people break one of his rules.”

“Well, he sure gave me a sermon yesterday.”

“You may think he did that because he hates you now, but I think it shows he loves you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He wants you to be his brother. To share his ideals.”

“He doesn’t want me to end up like the brother he already has,” Nicholas said, realization dawning in his voice.

“What bro—?”

“Aah, if he wants to, he’ll tell you. But I still don’t get that guy,” Nicholas mumbled. “I care about him, but I don’t get him. A lot of people in this day and age only understand the point of a gun, not sitting down and talking about things. It’d be nice if they did talk, but they don’t. So..so I’ve become a killer.” 

“You’re not—”

“I’m a bloodthirsty killer!” he shouted. “I deserve to be a Gung-Ho Gun. I’m no better than any of them. I’m a bad and evil man.”

“No, you’re not!” I insisted. “An evil or bad man wouldn’t start an orphanage. Or defend people and communities. The other day, you protected me and that boy from those sand creatures, at the risk of your own life. An evil man wouldn’t do that.”

“You see the world through rose-colored glasses, Milly.”

It was my turn to shout. “Now listen here—I know everyone thinks of me as ditzy, but I’m just as capable of making up my mind as anyone else!”

“Yes, you are. My apologies.” He stood. “But you haven’t changed my mind. I can’t live with myself like this,” he said sullenly, pacing. “If you want to leave now, I understand.”

“But Mist— _Nicholas_ , you’ve forgotten about all the good you do.”

“What good?”

“I just told you.”

“ _What_ _good_ , Milly?”

I listed as many more specific examples as I could think of—how he had fought with Vash to prevent disaster and tragedy, and I reminded him of his kindness to people and children that he had met. He listened, still pacing, but said nothing. When I finished, he shook his head. “I dunno, Milly. I don’t know that that’s enough to cancel out the bad.”

"Silly, don’t you remember your Bible training? It’s God’s forgiveness that matters, not if our good deeds outweigh our bad deeds.”

“Ah, you’re right,” he admitted, but he sounded reluctant, as though being miserable forever was what he actually wanted. I guess one could say Nicholas had been acting pathetically this whole conversation, but I was not repulsed. And though my heart went out to him, I appreciated seeing this more naked side to him. He wasn’t all toughness. He was able to cry, and thankfully so, for he had a lot of pain built up inside.

“Nicholas, you’re a hero,” I said.

With a sour expression, he waved the notion aside. “I’m a bad guy,” he mumbled.

I stood up and faced him, stopping him in his tracks. I had to tell him, and not keep it from him any longer. I put my hands on his shoulders. “Nicholas,” I began, my voice quavering. “You’re _my_ hero. Nothing you do and nothing anyone says is ever going to change that. I love you. I always have loved you. And I always will.”

He was silent for a moment, but kept his gaze locked with mine. Then he softly—almost mumbling--replied, “I love you, too, honey. It hurts me.”

I inched my lips closer to his. “This won’t hurt,” I assured him. He grunted; it sounded like a mild protest, but he fully returned my kiss.

We gazed at each other. Nicholas’ eyes were wide, and his mouth slightly open. He looked so stunned, and so vulnerable and helpless. I was amazed by the fact that I had caused these feelings in him. All I could think of to do to make things right was kiss him again.

His arms wrapped around me, and pulled me in right against him. I could feel so much of him. Our lips joined a third time, a fourth time. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. There was a desperation or urgency to his kisses. It frightened me, but I liked it. Involuntarily, I moaned.

He pulled away. Again, his eyes met mine. They had gone from having a sad look to glowing with a primal lust. A heat such as I had never felt before washed over me. I wanted him. All this once good and chaste girl could think about was sex. “Lie with me,” he asked, pressing his lips against my ear, whispering as though he hoped God wouldn’t hear.

I felt my heart beat in my throat. “Okay,” I squeaked, slipping my suspenders off my shoulders.

He tore off his shirt. I fell to the mattress, and he collapsed on top of me. As he kissed my neck, my hands caressed his back; it felt as heated as I felt inside. He had just begun to unbutton my shirt, when he stopped, gasping.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He glanced over at his cross, leaning against the wall. “I can’t. The Cross!”

“Well, put it outside!”

“Milly, I know I smoke and drink and all that, but I do take my religion at least a _little_ seriously!”

I stood up, buttoning my shirt back up to the top, and leaving my suspenders hanging. “You’re right.” The moment was gone. So I thought.

“I’m sorry, Milly. I got too friendly.”

“Don’t be sorry. I didn’t try to stop you, so it’s equally my fault.” I never doubted that we both loved each other, but I knew something else was playing a part here—our own inner pain. All the rage and despair he had been feeling needed an outlet. And he could work out a lot of his frustrations if we made love. And so could I. In simpler times, we would have shared one kiss and started a chaste and proper courtship. But now we wanted declaration and consummation all in the same hour. I knew he realized this, that part of his desire came from angst, and that is why he apologized.

I myself did not have a lot of problems singling me out, but I was carrying around a lot of angst, too, for I felt his pain. And it wasn’t just him I felt badly for—I felt for Vash, who was going through hell with no end in sight, and for Meryl, who did not know how to help Vash. So even though I tried to put on a cheery face, how could I not feel troubled, with all my friends’ problems surrounding me?

“Milly, there a lot of sins I’ve committed, especially lately,” Nicholas said, looking at the cross. “I don’t want to add fornication to the list.”

“Fornu-what?”

“What we started doing,” he explained.

“That’s like adultery, right?”

“Yeah. A lot like.”

“I know what it is, and that it’s wrong,” I clarified. “I just never heard of it by that name before.” I sighed. “You’re right—my parents didn’t raise me to be such a girl.”

“I don’t want to ruin your reputation,” Nicholas said, gazing at his feet. “It’s just that I need you so much right now. If only—” He turned to me. “Milly, I know this is sudden, but we have been through a lot together…”

“Yes?”

“Will you marry me?”

“Of course I will!” I exclaimed with an ecstatic shriek, hugging him.

“Don’t you need to think about it?” he asked cautiously.

“No!” I insisted, hopping on foot and then the other. “I’m sure I’m sure!”

“You better get back to Meryl. As soon as we can get out of this town, we’ll find someone to marry us.”

I stepped into my shoes and opened the door. “Yeah, I suppose I better get back to Meryl. Are you going to be all right?” I asked, standing in the doorway. 

He smiled and caressed my cheek. “I will now.” But I knew he needed to be loved—in every way possible.

I started walking away. I glanced back to see him standing in the doorway, watching me protectively. I smiled and waved. The wind blew and made me shiver, yet I felt hot inside. Cold and warmth, all at once—it made me feel woozy, as if I had chills and a fever. But the wind reminded me that I had forgotten my duster. Oh, and my tie! I turned back.

Already anticipating what I needed, Nicholas dashed to the other room and retrieved my duster and tie. As he handed them to me, I gazed at his half-undressed body, hoping he wasn’t too cold. But, wow, how sexy he was!

Then an idea sparked in my head, perhaps the most outlandish idea I’ve ever had. “Nicholas?”

He paused his attempt to close the door. “Yeah, honey?”

"You’re a priest, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, why don’t you marry us yourself?”

He raised an eyebrow, looking at me as though I were insane. “Milly, I never heard of a priest marrying himself.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not allowed! Why, I’ve read all the Bible before, even the Begats, and I don’t recall it being a sin. And I’ve heard of similar cases before,” I argued fervently. “Couples in isolated towns with no resident priest make vows to each other, and when the preacher comes to town, they have him confirm it.”

“That’s still got to be the craziest thing I’ve ever heard come in.” He took me by the arm and led me over the threshold. “It’s cold outside.”

A shaft of moonlight was shining through the window, framing the cross. Nicholas knelt down in front of it, not facing it directly, but positioned sideways. He gestured for me to do the same. After stepping back out of my shoes, I did, slowly, facing him. His left hand clutched my right, and his right hand my left hand. I felt so excited that I wanted to cry out.

When he spoke, it was not to me. “God, I never thought I’d find someone like Milly. I wasn’t even looking for love, but things like these happen when you least expect it. I fought it a little, but soon I didn’t even want to fight anymore. I’m willing to commit to taking her as my wife, and staying true to her always.”

I smiled. My eyes were brimming with unshed tears. He looked at me. I realized he wanted me to state my commitment. I guess I had been expecting him to lead us in the standard vows, but, heck, those are so boring and routine anyway. “I, um…” I began, then turned my head shyly.

“Go ahead,” he gently prodded. “It’s okay. Just speak what’s on your mind.”

“Dear God,” I prayed aloud, with my eyes open. “I love Nicholas—he is a good and wonderful man, no matter what he says about himself.” Here Nicholas looked humbly at the floor. “And…and…I promise to love, obey, and be true to him until, until…” Here it wasn’t shyness causing me to stall.

“Until death do us part,” Nicholas completed.

"Yeah,” I said. I hadn’t wanted to bring up death with the possibility being so real and so soon.

He stood up, and I followed his lead. “I know pronounce us man and wife.”

“Um, you may now kiss the bride,” I announced.

He drew me into his arms, and passionately pressed his lips on my mouth.

We stood in the moonlight, holding each other. “Nicholas, I’m scared,” I confessed.

“Yeah, me, too.” He temporarily eased out of my arms, and went to the window. “Better close the curtains—don’t want Vash peeping in.”

I giggled. “Or Meryl.” He came back to me, standing in front of me expectantly. I ran a hand over his chest, exploring it. Some guys look funny with their shirts off, but he really did have a fine body. He shivered at my touch. We kissed twice, quickly but tenderly.

Once again, his hand went to my shirt buttons, his fingers lingering a little longer than it took to unfasten each one. “I’m not holding myself back this time,” he promised.

“My dearest sister told me to never hold back in matters of the heart,” I said quietly.

“Let me know if I hurt you.”

“She also told me it always hurts a little the first time.” I let my shirt fall.

“You sure have a lot of layers of clothing.”

“It’s a woman’s prerogative, here in this lawless land,” I said, more loudly, taking off my camisole. “Keeps the bad guys from getting to her as fast. But that doesn’t apply to you. You’re a good guy.” I reached behind me to unfasten my bra, and tossed it on the floor. “Oh, yeah, that feels good!” I exclaimed, stretching my arms up over my head. “You have no idea how restrictive a woman’s clothes can be!” He gazed at me, smiling. “What are you looking at? Oh,” I said, realizing I was half naked.

“‘You are tall like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its bunches of fruit,’” he recited.

“What??” I demanded.

“Song of Solomon,” he explained with a sheepish grin. 

“Oh, in the Bible, yeah.” I slipped out of the bottom half of my clothing.

“‘I will climb up the palm tree and take hold of its fruit,’” he continued.

“Um, sure, you’ll get plenty of opportunity for that!” I wondered why they never preached that text as part of the Sunday sermon!

“In plainer language, I _knew_ you were hiding something neat under those clothes!”

I took hold of the top of his pants. “And I bet you’re hiding something neat under here!”

**Meryl:** **All this time, I was doing nothing much, staying in the abandoned home we had temporarily adopted as our own. Wondering where Milly was. True, she said she might be late. Should I worry? There wasn’t anyone else in town but the four of us..that I knew of. It wasn’t like there were robbers and rapists prowling about. But it was such a creepy place.**

**I fell upon a bed, not lying vertically, but horizontally across its width, my feet dangling over the side. I sighed, staring up at the ceiling, and unintentionally fell asleep, fully dressed. Little did I know then that Milly was also in bed, but she was naked, and not alone.**


	6. The Stolen Night of Passion

Milly: He was a work of art naked. His shoulders were broad and his arms muscular. His thighs were powerful, and his stomach tight. I haven’t seen much in the way of nude males to be able to accurately judge, but he sure didn’t seem to be lacking in any way. It made me a bit nervous, actually. Put all together, he was magnificent. And he was all mine.

He smiled shyly but warmly, and gestured for me to come over. I wobbled over and literally fell into his arms. “Easy, honey, it’s okay,” he assured me softly. “C’mon.” 

His hand fumbled with the light, but I stopped him before he could set it. “I don’t want it on or off, just dim,” I suggested. “I want to be able to see you.”

“Good idea,” he said, smiling, then led me over to the bed. I gratefully sank upon it. “I want to see you, too.” He lay me back on the mattress—backwards, too! Our heads were at the foot of the bed. It didn’t matter. I breathed rapidly as I looked up at him—there would be no turning back now.

So many new sensations. I felt the warmth of his chest pressed up against my breasts. I could feel his heart beat—even imagined I could feel the blood coursing through his veins. I felt his warm breath on my neck. My eyes saw his beautiful face and body, and they saw him look at me with tenderness and desire. My ears heard him moan—moan as if he were in pain, yet enjoying it.

And then I felt him deep inside me. The blood coursing through his veins was now running through mine. Every part of my body, from my fingertips to my toes, was flushed with fire. 

One phase of my life was behind me.

Tears flowed freely from my eyes. Some were bittersweet tears at losing my innocence, but other tears were from joy at having become one with the man I loved.

We lay in each other’s arms, catching our breath. Then, softly pressing his lips against my wet cheeks, Nicholas kissed the tears away. “It didn’t hurt, did it?”

"A little—but in a good way,” I assured him.

As after our first kiss, he looked vulnerable—and surprised that all this had happened. I leaned on one of my arms, while my other hand played with one of his locks of hair. “What’s it like for you?” I asked, in almost a whisper.

“It’s like…like dying, yet feeling more alive than ever. And feeling weak and strong all at the same time. And captive, but free.”

“Yeah, I think I know what--” I sat up. “Hey!”

“What?”

“The cross is still in the room.”

“Yeah, I didn’t move it. Don’t you remember?”

“I was distracted. It didn’t bother you anymore?”

He lay back with his arms folded behind his head. “Heck, no. We pledged ourselves to each other in marriage—it’s not a sinful thing anymore.”

“Yeah, that’s right!”

“Sex _is_ in the Bible, you know, and not just commands against it—well, certain forms of it. I was reciting from Song of Solomon--don’t you remember reading it?”

“It’s been awhile.”

“That’s very erotic—if you know what to look for--but the two lovers are married. But some nights, when I can’t sleep, I’ll read that.”

I punched him playfully. “Hee hee! You’re silly! Reading the Bible to get turned on!”

“Well, how about those ‘Begats’ you were talking about? Nobody could begat if they didn’t have sex.”

Feeling a bit silly, I started reciting the Begats. “‘And Attai begat Nathan, and Nathan begat Zabad…’”

“You memorized those?” Nicholas asked incredulously.

“Uh-huh. ‘And Zabad begat Ephlal…’”

“Of all the passages in the Bible, you chose that. What about John 3:16?”

“Oh, anyone can memorize John 3:16. I wanted to do something different.”

“But that’s the most important verse in the Bible. The Begats are just genealogy.”

“‘And Ephlal begat Obed, and Obed begat Jehu…’”

“Shut up.”

“‘And Jehu begat Azariah, and Azariah begat Heloz…’”

“No, I mean it.”

“What are you going to do?” I demanded, in mock toughness.

“I’m gonna shove my tongue down your throat.”

“Oh, I see!” Wickedly, I continued, “‘And Heloz begat Eleasah, and Eleasah bega—’Mmmph!”

When he released my mouth and I caught my breath, I asked, “I’d like it if we’d do some begatting of our own.”

“Yeah, I like kids. I never thought about having any of my own, though, you know, having so many kids at the orphanage…”

While he was talking, my hands kept caressing him. All over—to memorize with my fingers every inch of him. Deep down, I knew I had to file all these things in my memory. My tender and sometimes bold touches were getting to him. “Milly, you make me so crazy!”

“You mean irritate you, or drive you wild?”

“A little of both,” he gasped. “But..but mostly the last one.” He cried out as I touched him again. “Why, you little devil!”

“Oh, I’m a devil now? I thought I was your angel of mercy.”

“Just shut up.” He drew me in closer, and we kissed.

We didn’t do a lot of talking after that. They say with sex you can communicate without words. I understood that Nicholas was saying to me that I was beautiful, and that I was well-loved. I tried to communicate to him that he, too, was beautiful. And that he was very worthy of my love.

Nicholas closed his eyes and settled down in the crook of my arm. His shaggy black locks brushed against my face. He seemed to me so innocent then, and I wanted to protect him.

I know what they say about guys—that all they want is sex, whenever and however. But it was obvious to me, that although I had given him much pleasure, that Nicholas had sacrificed something of himself for me that night. Something…he said he hadn’t taken a vow to celibacy, right? So I hadn’t made him break a promise—that I knew of. Yet he had been living free from the chains of romance and sex. I had made him feel free and strong and alive, but I had also made him feel bound and weak and as though he were dying. Yeah, he had to give up something to love me. And I was grateful.

“You know, once when I was traveling from town to town…” he mentioned. “It was when I was looking for Vash, I think. There was nothing but canyonland as far as the eye could see. And I was thinking of you, as I often did, and I was just overcome for some reason. I sank to my knees and shouted your name, shouted ‘I love you’, and listened to the canyon echo it back.”

I smiled. “Really—you could tell the canyon but you couldn’t tell me!” I pretended to chide.

"I can tell you now.”

“Well, tell me.”

“I love you, Milly Thompson.”

“I love you, darling,” I cooed.

“Good night, honey,” he said through a yawn, then mumbled, “May the Lord bless thee and keep thee. May the Lord make His face shine upon thee and give thee…” I think he fell asleep mid-benediction.

“—Rest?” I completed.

We slept cuddled together—it was a small bed anyway. (And yes, we did sleep on the bed upside-down.) Because we had taken marriage vows, no matter how unofficial or likely to be recognized, I felt no guilt..well, except once during the night when I woke suddenly, sitting bolt upright, and wondered _What am I doing here?_ I glanced over at Nicholas. He was lying on his side. His body was uncovered, and the moons’ light was shining on his skin. I nestled up beside him, pulling the blankets back up over the both of us. He yawned and draped an arm around me, and I felt more warmth and security than any blanket could give me. I sighed with resigned pleasure and drifted back to sleep.

I awoke once more during the night, to see him standing by the window. He had opened the curtains and was smoking a cigarette. His pants were on, but they were unfastened at the top.

“What’s wrong?”

“If I…” Nicholas began, calculating in his mind. “If I shot the gun out of Zazie’s hand…”

“But he had two guns,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, but maybe if I—”

“Stop worrying yourself!”

“Ah, Vash doesn’t need me. He’d have survived that situation himself somehow.” I could see it now—underneath that tough façade was a little boy who wanted his best friend back. “What am I going to do about Vash? They expect me to kill him.”

“You won’t kill him,” I stated. “I know you won’t.”

“I don’t think I can,” he agreed, then added sourly, “But then I’ll be the one who gets killed.” Before I could say anything, he continued, “And where does that leave you? What if I got you pregnant? People aren’t gonna believe we were married. They’ll treat you like dirt.”

I had some arguments in mind, but they disappeared when I tried to speak.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he apologized. “I shouldn’t have got you into this.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s what I wanted. It’s what I _want_ —not being treated like dirt, of course! But being married to you, and having a baby. If it comes to that, that I’m a single mother, I won’t let them bring me down. I know who I am, they don’t.”

He walked to the ashtray and crushed out his cigarette. “I just don’t know that we did the right thing.”

I sat up. “Look, Nicholas, all I know is tonight you gave me pure and true love. You weren’t just using me.”

He shook his head. “No, I would never abuse you like that. You’re my honey.”

“We did what we could to make it official—after all, we’re in a ghost town iles from civilization. It’s not like we’re in New Vegas with those all-night wedding chapels.”

He chuckled. 

“Now come back to bed!” I insisted. “It’s getting cold.” Before he could get back on the mattress, I added, “Oh, and we were sleeping _nude_ , remember?”

“I thought you said it was getting cold.” After undressing, he slid back under the covers, and leaned against my breasts. “Already I’m hooked on this—having you near.”

I stroked his hair. “Yeah, me, too. Now I don’t want you worrying about anything else tonight, you hear? We’re in our own little world.”

He drifted off quickly to sleep, but I heard him mumble, “I’m sorry, Vash.” I sighed. I guess I had wished my love could erase all his troubles and pain.

I awoke, lying on my side. The first hint of dawn was dimly lighting the room. Nicholas was awake; he was smiling and caressed my cheek tenderly. I grabbed his hand as he reached for me again, squeezing it. His dark eyes were shining with love, so much so that I would have swooned had we not already been lying in bed.

We needed no words. I kissed his ear, his cheek, and then his lips. He laughed in happiness.

So we made love one more time. One last time. I was his, but he was also mine. “Oh, Milly, Milly, I don’t know how you do this to me.”

As the sun reached its fullest level of brightness, he poured into me all his love and passion. We didn’t want it to end—afterwards, we just clung to each other fiercely, making each minute pass as slowly as possible through our own sheer willpower. Appreciating each moment of tenderness as though it was our last—as we were both well aware it could be. But we couldn’t stay this way forever—eventually, Nicholas eased out of my arms, and sat naked on the end of the bed. “I’ve got to go out there,” he mumbled. “This isn’t the kind of thing you can put off.”

I sighed and searched for my borrowed pajamas.


	7. The Long Goodbye

Milly: I was still in my nightclothes, but Nicholas was getting ready to face the day. He put his shirt and jacket on. “Um, Nick, your pants—they’re not…” I began to advise.

“Oh, yeah.” He zipped them up all the way.

“You’ve got some hair sticking straight up.”

He patted it down, then grabbed me by my upper arms.. “Ah, you’re gonna make a good wife, aren’t you, my honey?”

“Yes, if you come back. You will come back, won’t you?”

“I’ll try. And when I do, we’ll settle down. I guess go back to the orphanage and start a home there.”

“Oh, I kinda like trailing along with Vash and Meryl,” I remarked.

He shrugged. “Or we could do that. Whatever makes you happy, honey—that’s all I care about now.” I didn’t believe that I was all he cared about, but it was touching for him to say that, and I think he believed it at the moment. “Then there’s kids—you want kids?”

I nodded.

“Then we’ll have kids—as many as you want.” He was silent for a moment, leaning his hand against the doorframe. Then he laughed.

“What?” I asked curiously.

He shook his head. “I just never thought I’d be talking about having kids of my own.” He sighed, and the air turned somber. “I wish I could stay here with you all day.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“This is serious business. People’s lives are at stake here, not just mine.”

“You’re not planning on getting yourself killed, are you, Mister—er, Nicholas?” I don’t believe I kept doing that. “You were suicidal yesterday. This isn’t suicide, is it?”

“No, Milly, no,” he assured me, grabbing my shoulders again. “I want to come back to you. Even if I never patch things up with Vash, you’ve given me something to live for. I hope we’ll be together tonight—or even fifty years from now.”

“I hope so, too, Nicholas.”

“I can’t guarantee anything, though, honey. It’s in God’s hands now. Just remember Romans 8:28.”

I drew a blank. “That’s not in the Begats, is it?”

He laughed in appreciation of my more dizzy qualities, then said, “No, it’s ‘All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.’”

“Oh.”

“Milly, even if I don’t come back, somehow it will work out for the greater good.”

My eyes were about to overflow. “I don’t see how.”

“Sometimes we can’t see, but--.”

“I guess we find out in Paradise if we don’t find out here,” I ventured. Some of the water escaped my eyes, and trickled down my cheeks.

As he had last night, Nicholas caught my tears with his lips. “Don’t cry, honey. Be brave. I know you are.”

“I love you, Nicholas. I don’t want you to leave me.”

He held me. “I know. I love you, too. Since we first met.”

I squeezed him tighter, at a loss for words.

“Believe me, Milly, if there was any other way…” He broke off, and I pulled back to see tears on his face. As he had done for me, I kissed them away.

He smiled. I smiled. We leaned our foreheads together for a moment.

He grabbed his cross, carrying it over to the door and resting it in the frame. Then he clutched my arms. “C’mon, give me a kiss for luck.”

I kissed him briefly. 

“And one to help get me through the day,” he requested. So I kissed him again. This time it was longer, more full of feeling.

Then I squeezed him tightly, making the next kiss last as long as kisses possibly could.

“What was that one for?” he asked, panting to catch his breath.

“Mmm, just because,” I lied. In truth, it was for something to remember him by in case I never saw him again.

He leaned in towards me again, this time giving me a kiss so soft and tender that it filled me with joy and sorrow and longing and contentment simultaneously. “That’s because I want you to always remember that I love you,” he explained.

“Uh-huh,” I said, nodding stupidly.

He put his shades on, took his cross to his shoulder, then walked across the threshold. Then he must have realized how dark everything seemed, for in an attempt to lighten the mood, he looked back at me, lowering his sunglasses so I could see his eyes. “Hey, Milly, wait here until I get back,” he said casually, then winked.

“Okay,” I blurted, without really thinking about it.

“Promise?” he asked, and I knew it wasn’t a casual request at all.

I nodded solemnly. “I promise.”

“I don’t want you getting caught in the crossfire,” he insisted. He tousled my hair, then tried to console me with these words: “Hey, one night together is better than never.”

I watched him walk away.

“Oh, please come back, Mr. Wolfwood,” I said to myself. “Nicholas.”

I sat on the bed, my arms wrapped around my knees. I wanted to be able to bask in the afterglow of last night and that morning, but I was too worried that Nicholas would never return, and we would never make love again. With each burst of gunfire, I was aware that Nicholas could have just been shot—torn apart, even—and was now dying, if not already dead. So with each shot, I flinched. I wish I hadn’t vowed to obey him—maybe I could be out there doing something to protect him. But he in turn would feel responsible for my safety. I wondered—would it be his fault if I went out there and got killed? Or if I stayed here and did nothing, and he got killed, would it be my fault? But all I felt I could do was obey his request for me to stay put until he returned.

**Meryl: Looking around town, I located the building where Milly was at—Wolfwood’s motorcycle nearby gave it away. I found Milly, looking troubled as she sat in defensive posture on the mattress, mumbling something about “he” telling her to stay here. “Have you been here all night?” I wondered. Why was she still in her pajamas?**

**“Uh-huh.”**

**“With Mr. Wolfwood?”**

**“Uh-huh.”**

**“Milly,” I said earnestly. “Did you…” Here I faltered, trying to think of a euphemistic way to phrase things. “You know…”**

**“Uh-huh,” she answered.**

**“Go all the way?”**

**“Yes, ma’am.”**

**“WHAT?!” I shouted.**

**“Please don’t yell.”**

**I lowered my voice, but talked very rapidly. “Milly, I thought you were the most innocent person I’ve ever met. But then you go and sleep with a priest, of all people.” First, he used a cross-shaped weapon to murder a child. Then he struck the man that I love—I could still see the blood dripping from Vash’s mouth. And now that stupid priest had gone and deflowered my best friend! “How dare he call himself a man of God! If Vash won’t belt him one, I will!”**

**“Shut up!” Milly shrieked at the top of her lungs. I was stunned. She had never spoken to me in such a manner. “You wouldn’t understand—you wouldn’t even try to understand!” I didn’t know her anymore. She would never be the same—I had heard horror stories of perfectly sweet maidens developing nasty temperaments upon losing their virginity. “He needs me.”**

**“They all say that. Were you rewarding him for what he did in Keybos?”**

**“He’s a good man, Meryl!” She brought up a few incidents that proved Wolfwood’s heart of gold.**

**I was reluctant to forgive him. “But he seduced you.”**

**She looked up at me. “No! It was what both of us wanted! We love each other.”**

**“Milly, I’m just worried your reputation could be ruined because of this.”**

**“He’s my husband,” she revealed.**

**I nearly went into shock. “How did you get married in the middle of nowhere? There’s no preacher—” I stopped myself. “I see..he told you that since he was a priest, he could marry him and you himself.”**

**“No, I told him. If there’s anyone to blame for letting things go as far as they did, it’s me.”**

**“Oh, Milly, how could you be so foolish! I’m sure that’s not legal! And no one’s going to believe you’re married anyway!”**

**She burst into tears. And I recognized the Milly I had always known—Wolfwood hadn’t taken her from me. Milly would always be Milly, even if she wasn’t a maiden anymore.**

**I rushed to her, hugging her shoulders. “Oh, Milly, don’t cry! I’m sorry. You’re a sweetheart. You’re right. I forgot about all the brave and nice things Mr. Wolfwood has done. I know you love him. I’m sorry.”**

**“But if our wedding’s invalid, then all we did last night…” She sniffed. “…Was spend the night in sin! But we love each other—we pledged our love and commitment to each other.”**

**“Well, if both of you really meant those vows…” I began hesitantly, then shrugged.**

**“He’s gonna die today,” she whimpered, as I sat down beside her.**

**“What?”**

**“Didn’t you hear the gunfire?”**

**“Yes, but, Milly—both Vash and Mr. Wolfwood have been in gunfights before. They’ve always come through okay.”**

Milly: Meryl and I had said everything we could say at the moment, and she was merely keeping me silent company. She wanted to go out and check on Vash and Nicholas, although she didn’t say so. She didn’t want to leave me, although she was worried about her man. As I was about mine.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do but pray.

I noticed I hadn’t heard any gunfire in awhile. 

Then we heard Vash out in the street, shouting Meryl’s name frantically.

Meryl opened the door. “Vash! I’m right here!”

“Could you..could you come help me with something?” His voice was high-strung. He came to the door, glancing in. His face was red, as though he’d been crying. He looked at me briefly, and I was embarrassed that I was still not dressed at this time of day. But more strongly I felt dread, because I had a feeling that I knew what Vash was so upset about.

Meryl agreed to go with him, and I was alone again.

**Meryl:** **Once outside and several feet away from the house where Milly remained, Vash turned to me and grasped my upper arm with one hand. His other hand was holding some canvas and black rope—the cover to Wolfwood’s cross, I realized. Vash looked at me with an expression of sadness and sincerity. “Meryl, Nicholas is..” I noted the oddity of him calling the priest by his first name instead of his last. “He’s dead.”**

**I gasped.**

**He started walking, and I followed. “I need to retrieve his cross. Later, he’ll have to be moved so we can bury him.”**

**I followed, and we soon came to a trail of pools of blood. I realized it was Wolfwood’s life blood spilled upon the ground. I choked back the urge to vomit.**

**Vash held out his flesh arm, and I wrapped myself around it for support. “Close your eyes; I’ll lead the way,” he suggested.**

**“Did he kill himself?” I wondered.**

**“Not exactly,” Vash replied enigmatically. “He died a hero, as far as I’m concerned.”**

**After a minute or two, I felt our path darken, and the surface under my feet had changed. We had entered a building. I opened my eyes and saw we were in a church. Down the aisle were more pools of blood. Wolfwood was crumpled on the floor, and his cross had fallen over. His face looked bruised and battered. Vash recounted the story of the last time he saw his friend alive. “…When I came to the church, I heard Wolfwood praying. Talking to God. I didn’t want to interrupt him, so I stayed right outside the door. Then he stopped talking. I came in, and found him in a kneeling position. He died like that—kneeling.”**

**“I think you should know something,” I said, facing in the direction of the door. “Milly and Mr. Wolfwood became lovers last night. She seems to think they’re married.”**

**“Then the cross belongs to her,” Vash stated, as though not surprised by my news. “Can you help me carry it?”**

**“I’m afraid I’ll step in a puddle of blood.”**

**“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to put you through this, but there’s no one else in town.”**

**I nodded grimly. “I know. I’ll do my best.” Suddenly, I could hold it back no more. I vomited on the church’s lovely carpet.**

**“Are you all right?” Vash asked.**

**“I threw up in a church,” I fretted. “I’m sorry, God.”**

**“I’m sure, given the circumstances, that He’ll forgive you.”**

**“There’s been so much death and craziness lately. I’m not used to it,” I rambled through tears. “ I lived a pretty sheltered life growing up. My biggest problem was not always getting along with my Mom. Now the whole world seems to be falling apart. And if it’s like that for me, I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.”**

**“It’s not easy,” he confessed. “But somehow I manage. I hate to tell Milly.”**

**“She knows—she told me he was going to die today. Oh, you’re right; it still will be hard to tell her.”**

**We hugged consolingly. “Hey, about your handling things,” Vash began softly. “I think you’re being really strong.”**

Milly: I don’t know how long it was—less than an hour, I think—Meryl and Vash came back, sharing the load of Nicholas’ cross, which they brought in and leaned against the wall. I stood up, knowing what this meant, but I had to hear it for myself.

Vash, his sunglasses covering his eyes, laid a hand on my shoulder and said, without much expression, “I’m sorry, Milly. More than you know.” Then he marched outside.

Frantically, I glanced at Meryl, whose face was pale. “Meryl…?” I squealed.

She nodded grimly, closing her eyes. “Yes, he’s dead, Milly. I’m sorry.”

Last night and this morning, we had talked about him possibly dying, but it hadn’t prepared me in the slightest for his actual death. I burst into tears. Meryl tried to offer me a consoling touch, but I turned my back on her and sank to the floor, resting my head on the mattress where Nicholas and I had made love. I cried harder than I’ve ever cried before or cried since. I sobbed and sobbed, and wailed and shrieked, until my supply of tears was exhausted…for the time being.

After awhile, my tears chased even Meryl from the room, and she went outside. When my wailing had subsided, I heard the door open and heard the clunking of Vash’s boots. He sat down beside me on the floor, and was silent.

After a few minutes, he put his arms around me and drew me in. I rested my head against his chest. “Mister Wolf-, um, Nicholas…” I began, but cried again. Vash stroked my hair, then lightly kissed the top of my head. “We took vows…”

“Yes, I know. Meryl told me.”

“I think—I think you should know what he told me yesterday.” He didn’t reply, so I continued on. “The Gung-Ho Guns were trying to force his hand. For a long time now. Only he tried to fight back whenever he could. But they were threatening the orphanage.” I sniffed back some mucus.

"That does explain some things,” he said simply.

“They wanted him to kill you,” I continued. I looked into my friend’s eyes. “He never wanted to kill you, Mr. Vash.”

He patted my arm. “I know.”

“Where did you find him?” I asked. “Was he already dead? Was he dying?”

In a steady, unemotional tone, Vash explained about trailing Nicholas to the church. He finished with an odd note. “It’s my fault, Milly,” he confessed in a broken voice.

“How is it your fault?” I wondered disbelievingly.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have waited for him to finish praying. I might have been able to help him.”

I looked down at the ground. “Maybe he knew it was too late for him anyway. That’s why he went to the church instead of asking for help. You know it’s not your fault.”

“There’s one other thing, Milly,” he continued, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger. “What I heard him say—I think he renounced his lifestyle and took up mine in the end. What I mean is, I think he died because he didn’t finish off his opponent when he had the chance.”

“It’s a good way of life,” I said weakly.

“One I taught him at the wrong time. I wished he had let Zazie kill me instead of killing Zazie. Now I almost wish he had killed his opponent while he had the chance, instead of getting k--” He slapped his forehead. “Oh, that’s not right! I wish there were a way everyone could have survived.” He sighed. “I wonder why you’re not mad at me. If I hadn’t come down so hard on him in Keybos…”

“I can see why I should be mad at you, Mr. Vash,” I said carefully. “But somehow, I’m just sad for you and I. Anyway, you didn’t force Nicholas to take that stand. It was his choice.”

He looked at me, an earnest expression in his eyes. “When you talked last night, did he mention anything about following my example?”

“He was sorry he shot Zazie too soon, without seeing what he was going to do. He did wonder if maybe you were right. And he was upset he lost your friendship.”

Vash shook his head. “He never lost that. He knew that today, too. We parted on good terms.”

“I’m glad. You really meant a lot to him, Mr. Vash. He loved you.” I blushed. “He, um, told me not to tell you that.”

I meant it in consolation, but tears ran once again out of Vash’s eyes. “Don’t you see—he ended up getting killed because he was trying to please me!” he shouted. “Why do I kill everyone I love?”

He was silent, stewing for a few moments. Finally, I spoke, “You mentioned he confessed his sins before God.”

“Yeah. He was really quite honest and open with God. Like he was talking to a human that was right there.”

“That means Jesus has covered his sins. He’s not really gone forever. He’s in Paradise now. And someday we’ll be able to see him again.”

Vash laughed a little. “I wonder how soon that’ll be for me. The way things are going—maybe real soon. Then again, I could come through that alright and live for years and years—far longer than you can imagine.”

I was puzzled. I did not know yet of his alien life span. “What do you mean by that?”

His lips curled slightly, and he changed the subject, placing his hands on my shoulders. “You know, Milly, no matter what anyone’s gonna say, I now think of you as Mrs. Wolfwood.”

I smiled, feeling hopeful.

“That means what he has goes to you,” Vash continued. “The cross is now yours.”

“It means a lot to me. It really does.”

“You’ve told me things I should know about Wolfwood. Now let me tell you something. Awhile back, shortly after we left Karsted City, Wolfwood and I were sharing a hotel room. I woke up first, and went over to shake him awake. He looks up at me, looking disappointed. ‘Oh, it’s you,’ he said.

“‘Well, who would you rather have me be?’ I demanded.

“He just smiled sheepishly and said, ‘Milly. Someday I think I’d like to wake up and find her beside me.’ Then he put his head back down on the pillow.

“I acted shocked, like you’re supposed to be a priest and you’re lusting after a girl and it’s my duty to defend the virtue of the Insurance Girls who have been my companions in so many adventures.

“He hit me off the side of the head. ‘I didn’t mean a cheap tryst, you knucklehead! I mean that I love her!’ At which point, he froze because he knew he said too much. Man, he had to make all sorts of threats to get me to keep quiet!”

Vash and I both laughed about that, then grew silent once more. A large tear leaked from one of his eyes. After a minute or two, he struggled to his feet. “Sorry, Milly. I gotta go start digging a grave.”

I cried again. Vash patted my hair. “I’ll—I’ll go get Meryl,” he reassured me, sounding like he needed some more reassurance himself.

**Meryl: I wandered out of Milly’s room now and then, just to get a breath of fresh air. I saw Vash standing outside with a partially eaten, browning piece of fruit. “Where’d you get the apple?” I asked curiously.**

**“I found it at the site where Wolfwood was shot,” he said with a shrug. “I traced his blood trail to an alley back there.” Suddenly, he tossed the apple into the air, drawing his gun and shooting it apart.**

**Meryl:** **It was getting dark when I left Milly again to check on Vash at the church. As I drew nearer, the lights of the churchyard came on. Vash somberly walked out, carrying Wolfwood in his arms. He carefully placed his dead friend down at the edge of the church’s graveyard, near a newly dug, relatively shallow grave. A wooden cross between four and five feet tall was lying on the ground nearby. I saw that on it Vash had carved Wolfwood’s name.**

**“Where’d you get that cross?” I asked.**

**“It was in the supply room in the church,” he reminded me. “The congregation won’t be needing it anymore.”**

**“Yeah, I guess not.”**

**Vash sighed. “Well..it’s time. Go get Milly.”**


	8. Funeral by Night

Milly: Meryl walked in. “Milly, um, you’ve got to start getting ready for the funeral.”

I nodded glumly. I didn’t really want to go, but I had to—I was his widow. But I didn’t want to see his dead body. I just wanted to run away.

“Do you want me to bring you a fresh change of clothes?”

“Guess,” I muttered, meaning, “I guess so.”

She nodded and left.

I sat sulking a moment longer, the suddenly had an idea. I walked into the back room and pulled out the green dress that I had tried on yesterday. I smiled wistfully as I remembered the spark in Nicholas’ eyes when he had seen me in it. “Yes, I shall wear this.”

After I dressed, I raided the house for a couple of other things I wanted to bring with me to the funeral. One was Nicholas’ Bible. Like any Bible reader, he had highlighted some verses. Oddly, he kept marking a verse repeated in Judges: “In those days Israel did not have a king, so everyone did what seemed right.” I guess the history of the book of Judges seemed rather like our planet, with everyone forced to take the law into their own hands and make up their own justice.

I remembered some verses I memorized as a child, and thumbed past the book of Judges to find them.

Meryl peered in. “Milly, we’re ready. Do you want to see him before--?” She put my now unneeded everyday clothes down on the bed.

I looked up from the floor and nodded, putting the Bible’s ribbon on one page, and folding some other pages in to mark the place of a couple of other verses. I took the book with me.

“That’s a pretty dress, Milly,” Meryl remarked. “Where did you get it?”

I jerked a thumb towards the house and the unknown girl’s bedroom. “Back.”

Meryl walked with me to the church yard. The night sky was ink black, and the wind blew in cold, howling gusts. My hair was tossed in every direction, and my many layers of clothing could not keep me from shivering. Had it been this cold last night? We hadn’t felt it. I suppose you could call the weather bad or dreadful or nasty, but I appreciated it. It was as if God Himself were mourning. Or as if the spirit world were not far away.

I could sense rather than see Vash look up at me, surprised at my outfit. Beside the grave he had dug lay Nicholas’ body. Holding my hands to my mouth, as though in shock, I collapsed into a kneeling position beside it. His complexion was gray; his face was scratched and bruised and raw in some places, but he did not look too different from what he had looked like in life. Those scars on his face would never get a chance to heal. I wanted to shout out, “Who did this?” Was it that Chapel person Nicholas had talked about, or did he have help? At the moment, I felt like I could successfully take them on, fueled by my grief and anger.

Placing the Bible aside on the ground, I reached out a shaking hand to touch Nicholas’ face. There was no warmth from his skin. I put my hand over his heart; I could no longer feel it beat. No blood coursed through his veins. No breath escaped his lips. His eyes were closed—I could not gaze into them one more time. I refrained from kissing him—I knew his lips would be cold and unresponsive. I would rather have our last kiss be that tender one, when he told me, “That’s because I want you to always remember that I love you.” 

“Nicholas,” I whispered. “My honey.” I pulled back his bloody jacket and shirt, despite Meryl’s warning of, “Milly, don’t!”, and gazed upon the gaping hole a bullet had left in his side. My hand last night had caressed that very spot. I shuddered. Fresh tears ran down my cheeks, but I kept myself from sobbing.

I retrieved a pair of scissors and an envelope. “Milly—” Meryl began again, but Vash hushed her. I cut off a lock from my husband’s bangs, then placed it in the envelope. 

“A keepsake,” I explained to Meryl. She nodded.

I also snipped a button off of his jacket. Meryl didn’t ask about that—she remembered the high school custom of a girl asking a guy she was sweet on for a button off of his clothes. The lock of hair…and the button…I just wanted something to hold on to. Something to remind me that Nicholas had indeed once walked this planet and I hadn’t merely dreamed him up.

Vash put the body in the grave. We then looked at him expectantly, as though he himself were a priest and must preside over the burial. “I, uh, well,” he began. “Nicholas D. Wolfwood was a man who, ever since I’ve known him—and before—fought to protect the helpless. I didn’t tell him this, but he was my best friend. And, well..now…?” He barely said the last word, then stopped. His fists clenched and his face reddened, and then his rage exploded. “Why, God?” he shouted to the sky. “Why’d you have to take him, too? Are the girls next? Must I be alone forever? Why does this keep happening to me? I don’t deserve this!” I must admit, I was afraid of him at that moment, and looked aside—only to find my gaze upon my Nicholas, lying in the grave. I shut my eyes, but Vash had stopped screaming. I saw Meryl holding him from behind while he sobbed quietly. I realized in awe that the love of friendship Vash felt for Nicholas—and his love for Vash—rivaled our own romantic love.

After regaining his composure, Vash looked at me. “I’m sorry, Milly.”

“Okay,” I squeaked meekly.

“I shouldn’t blame God, I guess. There’s someone else to blame. You, um, had some verses you wanted me to read?” 

I handed him the Bible, pointing to one page. “Here, read these two verses. Matthew 10: 38 and 39.”

“‘Whoever is not willing to carry the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who try to hold on to their lives will give up true life. Those who give up their lives for me will hold on to true life.’”

“He was willing to carry the cross, you know,” I pointed out. “And read these verses. John 11: 25-26.”

“‘I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me will have life even if they die. And everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.’”

“Believers will be redeemed in the end,” Vash remarked, closing the Bible and handed it back to me, saying, “I like those verses, Milly. I hope with all my heart they’re true.”

It had been an ad-libbed funeral. Appropriate enough, considering it followed an ad-libbed wedding.

“Throw some dirt in the grave, Milly,” Meryl encouraged. “You’re his widow.” I perked up—it was the first time she acknowledged that Nicholas’ and my vows were legitimate. I picked up a handful of dirt from the ground surrounding my beloved’s grave. I didn’t like the finality of it all, not when we all believed in the afterlife. Most of the sand sifted through my fingers, back to the ground around me instead of into the grave. I just knelt there contemplating death and whether it is forever. And thinking of Nicholas, my poor Nicholas. His body, which should have been good for so much more love, would rot. Finally, bursting into tears yet again, I threw a few grains of sand into the hole, like an angry person throwing a vase. No, death wasn’t forever, but I realized it may be several years—several decades, even—before I would again see him smiling at me. And would it be the same?

**Meryl:** **Weeping, Milly ran away—well, at first, she crawled, until she managed to get to her feet. Then she ran, back towards the place she and Wolfwood had shared for one night. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her to throw the dirt,” I fretted. I glanced at Vash. One hand covered his eyes, the other held another fistful of dirt. He poured it into the grave, then looked at me pointedly.**

**I realized he wanted me to place a handful in the grave as well. But Milly was Wolfwood’s lover, and Vash was his best friend—what connection did I have to him? But Vash seemed to think that I should. I scooped up some dirt, and scattered it over the fallen man’s chest.**

**I felt a sharp pang of grief. Wolfwood. What a strange man. When I first met him, I thought he was absurd and full of contradictions—and also the perfect playmate for Vash. I’ll say this for him—he had indeed often risked his life on others’ behalf. Milly was right to remind me of that—it had gotten so all I could see was him taking Bete down. I had forgotten he was my friend.**

**Wolfwood. Gallant yet, well, comical. And full of life. I didn’t foresee such a tragic ending so soon. I didn’t expect to see him lying cold and still while an angst-ridden Vash shoveled dirt on to him. I didn’t realize I would cry.**

**In the windy night, Vash tearfully spoke to the deceased priest. “I’m sorry I’m so sorry. I love you, buddy.”**

**“Vash, are you okay?” I asked.**

**“I saw the closest thing I had to a home crash. A young man who hadn’t had a chance to live took bullets for me. Now I’ve lost my best friend to a bloody death, but other than that..” He paused from his digging, smiling without mirth, “Yeah, I’m fine.”**

**“Do you need help?”**

**“No—I’m a natural born gravedigger! In fact, this is my second one today! Maybe when this is all over and I can finally settle down, I’ll take this up as my profession.”**

**“Second one today? Oh, you mean Cain.” He had told me about the long-range gunner earlier that day.**

**“I understand now why Cain shot himself. You go against their will, and they’ll punish you.”**

**“Who?”**

**He continued on, oblivious to my question. “Zazie may have been forced to shoot us after all.”**

**“You think so?” I wondered if he were just rationalizing the actions of his friend, more beloved now that he was dead.**

**“I guess we’ll never know.” He paused digging and speaking for a moment, then continued. “Wolfwood wasn’t as easy for them to manipulate as they thought. He fought back one too many times, and now he’s dead.”**

**“Are you always going to be so vague? I’m a grown woman, I—”**

**“Do you know what you can do to help me?” he broke in. “Look in the kitchens around here and see if you can find some beer or whisky or something with a punch.”**

**With reluctance, I nodded. I knew just where to find some wine—I had seen a bottle in the home in which Milly and I were staying. I didn’t like Vash drinking, but I didn’t think it the appropriate time to nag him about it.**

**I fetched the bottle and a corkscrew for him. Ceremoniously, he popped open the bottle, pouring a little** **into the grave. “Here’s to you, Nicholas D. Wolfwood,” he said, then took a swig himself. “May there never be any pain for you again.”**

**“There’s another shovel back in the place I’m staying at,” I mentioned. “I’ll go get that and help you.”**

**“Yeah, whatever,” he said, already sounding drunk.**

**I came back with the extra shovel and helped fill in the grave. We worked quietly for awhile—the body itself was covered up by the time Vash broke the silence, though the hole was not filled in. “How did I meet Wolfwood?”**

**“On a bus,” I reminded him.**

**“Oh, yeah! I couldn’t remember. All I remember is him going out with me to face those machines. I was so impressed he was willing to lay his life on the line—”**

**“I think he was impressed with you, too.”**

**“Maybe. I guess that’s why we took to each other. We fought together against things like injustice. But now…” He paused from shoveling. “I guess I’m just meant to walk alone.”**

**“Vash, you are not meant to walk alone!” I insisted. “I’ll walk with you.” This confession just tumbled out.**

**Fortunately or unfortunately, the big lunkhead didn’t recognize it as a statement of love. “You know you and Milly are just insurance workers and I’m just your case,” he mumbled.**

**I stepped closer to him and poked his shoulder with my finger. “Vash, if you think after all this time that’s all you are to us, you are wrong! We like you, and we care about what happens to you!”**

**He smiled in a bittersweet manner. “Thanks, Meryl. I care about what happens to you, too.”**

**“Good,” I said, but there was no way I would allow myself to think of that as a declaration of love on his behalf.**

**We turned back to the task of filling in our friend’s grave.**


	9. Aching Arms

Milly: Already it was back to sharing a room with Meryl, as though I still were just a girl who’d never been kissed. Sharing a room, but sleeping in a cold bed.

Meryl sensed my anguish—of course, she knew about it. She reached down beside her bed and picked up a large, plush, black cat. “I found this in the closet.” She tossed it to me. “You want it?”

I held it for a moment, then nodded. “For tonight.” I lay down, clutching the stuffed animal tightly, dampening its fake fur with quiet tears.

**Meryl:** **I couldn’t get to sleep. Milly kept on whimpering or sobbing softly. At times, my heart went out to her, at other times, I was just plain annoyed. Finally, sitting up in bed, I asked, “Do you want to talk?”**

**“I don’t know!” she wailed. She clammed up for a moment or two, then continued, with speech still broken by sobs, “I must’ve had the shortest marriage ever!”**

**I thought a moment, then said, “There’s many people out there with many different stories. I’m sure someone out there has had shorter.” I snapped my fingers. “Oh, yeah! I remember now! This groom had a past with an outlaw gang, and when he and his bride stepped out of the church, they shot him down.”**

**She looked at me with incredulous rage. “ _That’s_ supposed to make me feel better?”**

**“Uh…oops, no! Sorry!” I apologized timidly.**

**“You didn’t even like him,” she complained.**

**“I liked Mr. Wolfwood,” I insisted. “Really I did! I was just mad at him for a little while.”**

**She sat up, clutching the stuffed cat fiercely.**

**“I cried, too,” I pointed out. “I cried when you first cried, only you didn’t see. And I cried when we buried him. And I cried in the church when Vash brought me there to retrieve the cross.”**

**Her face softened. She looked confused, her mouth hanging open a little. I got up and sat down beside her. “Remember when he left that time at Demislad?” I asked. “I knew you were upset, and I told you all of life’s journeys come with meetings, partings, and reunions.”**

**“Reunions,” she breathed.**

**“You thought you’d never see him again that time, but you did,” I reminded her. “And today you pointed out those verses to Vash about the afterlife. Surely you believe this is only a temporary parting.”**

**She smiled wistfully. “And at the next reunion, we won’t ever part again!”**

**I put an arm around her, encouraging her by squeezing her.**

**“But how long, Meryl? How long do I have to wait?”**

**“I don’t know.”**

**“That time in the caravan, I kept hearing his voice. I kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye. But he wasn’t there. He had left. I felt so empty. I know I’m gonna feel like that this time, too.”**

**“You loved him that early on, huh?”**

**“Meryl, before I met him, I didn’t feel like I was missing anything. I was happy. How come now that he’s come and gone, I can’t be like that again?”**

**I was silent for a few seconds, then said carefully, “When some people come into your life, they add something special to it. You feel that loss regardless of how happy you were before that person came.”**

**“Yeah,” she said softly. “I suppose I should be glad to have the time I did.”**

**I sighed, as if to punctuate her remark.**

**Down in the street below our window, I could hear Vash singing drunkenly. I couldn’t understand the words except something about being alone.**

**I got up and opened the window, leaning out. “Vash, you don’t have to be alone tonight. Come up here with us. You can sleep on the floor.”**

**He hiccuped, then asked, “Can I sleep in your bed?” Before I could agree to sleep on the floor myself, he clarified, “With you?”**

**“Harumph!” I glanced around quickly for something to throw at him, but didn’t see anything. Inside, however, my heart was beating faster. He had actually come on to me! I wasn’t supposed to like it, but I did.**

**He took another swig from the bottle of wine. “Vash, don’t drink that whole thing.” He lifted the bottle to his lips again, determined to ignore me. “It’s suicide,” I warned.**

**He hurriedly lowered the bottle. He was very much against suicide. I saw the liquid swish around in the bottle, and I realized he wasn’t as drunk as he seemed to think he was.**

**“Let me have some.” It was Milly, leaning up in bed. “I’ll never get to sleep unless I have some,” she argued.**

**I sighed. “Milly, I do not want to see you start drinking yourself to sleep every night.”**

**“Just tonight. Please, Meryl.”**

**I looked back out the window. “Vash, come up here—and bring the wine with you,” I ordered.**

**“Yes, ma’am.”**

**So Milly got to sleep. Vash slept on the floor, between our beds. And I was the one left blinking into the darkness, thinking about some wayward priest I used to know.**

Milly: The next morning, I returned to the room Nicholas and I had shared, sitting on a chair that I had positioned to face towards the bed. I felt a bit like I had had a one night stand, although it was more truly being widowed. Yet my biggest regret was that I couldn’t have been with him when he died. He died cold and alone. I could have held him in my arms, and sang or whispered to him. Eased his journey to the other side. Such a short, sad life he had. I hoped our time together was some consolation to him.

Heloise believed everyone suffers more or less equally in life. I didn’t like to think contrary to my beloved sister, but I didn’t know about that. How come I was blessed with a large, loving family, and he grew up without anyone to go to for a hug or to tell him he was special and that he was loved? It made me sad to think of it. I could have given him a happy life and made up for the bad times, but he didn’t get a chance to live.

Maybe.. _maybe_ , I thought, it was because he did suffer so much in life that God had mercy on him and took him to Paradise early.


	10. Time to Go Already

**Meryl:** **Vash left the car for us. He was pretty determined to go on alone, for now, and I let myself submit to his wishes. The car was pretty beat up from some incident yesterday he hadn’t filled me completely in on—probably it had to do with Cain. Filling me in on his past was enough revelation for one day, I guess. I was in the driver’s seat, ready to go, when Milly came out, dragging Wolfwood’s heavy cross all by herself. “Help me put it in the back seat,” she requested.**

**“You’re not—”**

**“Mr. Vash said it was mine now so it’s mine now and I’m not leaving it behind.”**

**I helped her load it in the car, then she got into the passenger seat. We had only drove a few feet when we passed by the church yard. “Wait! Stop!” Milly cried out.**

**I tried not to sigh as I stopped the car. Milly clambered out and ran to her Nicholas’ grave. She hugged the wooden cross marking it. “Nicholas, we have to leave now,” I heard her say. “We have to leave your body behind…” Here she—unconsciously, I think—ran her hands up over her two breasts as though remembering some intimate moment she and Nicholas had shared. She sighed. “But, Nicholas, I know your soul lives on, and if you want to come with us in spirit, you’re always welcome.” She kissed the wooden cross, at the spot in the middle where Vash had carved Wolfwood’s name. “I’ll see you again someday. I know I will.”**

**Then she trotted back to the car, but before she fully got in, I cried out, “Wait!” She looked at me curiously. “I need a turn, too,” I explained, scrambling out of the car and running to the grave.**

**“Mr. Wolfwood,” I began, somehow shy. “Nicholas. I understand now. You were trying to protect Vash and I the only way you knew how. I’ve forgiven you. I’m really sorry it ended this way, without us even being able to speak once more. Well, um, maybe I’ll see you in the afterlife someday?” As Milly had done, I kissed the cross where his name was etched. “Goodbye, Nicholas D. Wolfwood,” I said, running a finger under the letters of his name.**

**I trotted back to the car. Milly was smiling—I assume she was happy that I, too, was paying my respects to the man she had loved. “Okay, let’s go find Mr. Vash!” she exclaimed. “We won’t let the same fate happen to him!”**

**“So, it’s not our jobs you’re so worried about,” I realized. “It’s him.”**

**“Meryl, I don’t want you to lose your man, too!”**

**“ _My_ man? I’m not in love—”**

**She glared at me, her arms folded.**

**“Okay,” I consented. “I love him more than I love my own life. You’re right.”**

**She smiled.**

**So we drove on, two gal pals on a road trip.**

Milly: Darn right I wasn’t going to let Meryl lose Vash! But, you know, I didn’t want to lose Vash, either. He was a dear friend and we had something special going between us that many males and females can’t have—it’s always romance and sex or nothing with them. With Vash and I, we could keep it platonic, and yet, there was a deep bond between us.

Meryl wondered why I was so intent on seeing her enter a romantic relationship with Vash. “I thought it’d be too hard for you to bear,” she confessed as she drove.

“I know, I only had Nicholas for a moment. But I don’t regret it. I don’t want you to miss your chance with Vash, and to see you happy would make me feel better.”

“You’re being so brave,” Meryl remarked. “I don’t think I could be that brave.”

I smiled wistfully. “Put on a brave face and the rest of you will follow!”

“Your sister said that?”

“No, I thought of it this morning.”

I wished there had been time to lay about and mourn Nicholas, but there wasn’t. Life could be so hectic in those days. Nowadays, they’re nice enough to give you a few days off to recuperate from your loss.

The car broke down, but thankfully near a town. The town we had just left. Tonim Town.

There were other cars here and there, but we had no idea how to hot-wire a car. “We’re going to have to hoof it,” Meryl decided. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave the cross behind.”

“Well, if he could carry it through the desert, so can I!”

“Milly!”

She was right. I had to be sensible, just as I was demanding she be. Vash’s life may have been depending on us. I prayed there would be a solution. 

“What’s that?” Meryl asked.

“What’s what?”

“That noise. It sounds like thomases braying.”

That was odd, because we had not noted any sign of life in town, except wild birds. But no people, and no domesticated animals.

We followed the noise to a deserted stable, and let ourselves in. In a row of stalls were four thomases. “When everyone else was lured out of town, they must have been stuck,” Meryl guessed. 

“We can take two of them, and let the rest go free! At least then they might have a chance for survival.”

“Exactly my thinking. Let’s find some gear and saddle up.”

 _Thank you, Lord_ , I prayed.

_Melinda: What happened when the Insurance Girls found Vash was not a happy reunion. He had to choose between saving their lives and sparing the life of the cruel Legato Bluesummers. And thus it was that Vash made his first kill. He was so traumatized that he fell into a prolonged, yet restless, sleep. Besides that, he had been wounded from a fight with another Gung-Ho Gun, Midvalley the Hornfreak, and the girls were forced to tend to him in the next small town they could find._


	11. Hope Springs Eternal

Milly: In our small borrowed bit of housing, it was my turn to watch the sleeping Vash. I read somewhere that it helps to talk to unconscious people. And what was on my mind to talk about but Nicholas? “Oh, Mr. Vash, I don’t know if I’m handling things right. He told me to be brave and not to cry. He was never one to just mope—he moved on pretty quickly from the flying ship wreck. Well, I’ve tried to get back in action as quickly as I could.” I hung my head. “As though he never existed. But you know, he also said something else. He gave me our last kiss and said, ‘That’s because I want you to always remember that I love you.’ So he wants me to remember him. _I_ want to remember him. We had so little time together in this life, the least I can do is give him more time in my memory.

“But, Mr. Vash, I know we had to take action to save you. I couldn’t just sit and mope while you went and got yourself killed. I wouldn’t let that happen to you because you’re my friend, and I wouldn’t let that happen to Meryl because she loves you like I love Nicholas.” In a lower voice, I added, “I’m only telling you this because you’re asleep. When you’re awake, she’ll have to tell you.

“Everybody says—well, Meryl says, anyway—that I’m being really good about this whole thing. But that’s all an effort on my part. Do you know how I really feel, Mr. Vash? What I’d really like to do is crawl under some rock in some canyon and stay there until I turned to dust. Or go back to Tonim Town and jump in Nicholas’ grave. I remember reading on Earth in ancient times, women used to throw themselves on their husbands’ funeral pyres. But that’s short-sighted, don’t you think? I know there will be good times again. Maybe even someone new, though I don’t like to think about that right now.”

I took a deep breath. “I know I can be brave. I can be strong. But getting on with life doesn’t mean forgetting!

“Is there someone in your life, Mr. Vash—someone you’ve never forgotten?”

**Meryl: Vash awoke after ten days—I was hoping he had slept all his anxiety off, but he seemed more angst-ridden than ever. We didn’t watch over him all the time—both Milly and I had had to take supplementary jobs, I as a waitress and Milly as a digger for the town’s new well.**

**Vash had completely hit rock bottom. He’d just sit around—on the porch, in his room, on a rocky ledge—his expression wild-eyed and desperate, yet at the same time utterly exhausted. Ten days of sleep had not replenished him at all. I guess when you’re over a hundred years old you get world weary, even if you still have the constitution of a twenty-year old. Look at me, I’m nearly ninety now, and still not as old as he was then.**

**Looking at him in this helpless state, I loved him more than ever.**

Milly: I hadn’t gotten any morning sickness, though I waited anxiously for it to come. My dearest sister, Heloise, who worked as a midwife, told me not all women get it. I hoped that was the case here.

It was nearing half a month since my night of passion with Nicholas, and I was really concerned. I had been nursing—so to speak—a hope that I was pregnant. That our love had produced something to last besides memories and emotions. 

Heloise also said some women just know. They don’t need an outer sign to realize a child is growing inside them. I did feel, well, different—but that just might be from loving and losing Nicholas in itself, not a major change in my body like pregnancy.

Meryl mentioned it being that time of the month for her, and I realized I was late in getting mine—with all our shared adventures, we two gals had gotten pretty much in sync. But I warned myself not to get my hopes up.

When she and my mother were explaining the facts of life to me, Heloise told me when two people who are truly in love consummate that bond, they produce something eternal, even if they never have a child. She said that, I think, because she and her late husband hadn’t had the chance to have kids. But I believed what she said about love and eternity. So I told myself it did not matter if I carried Nicholas’ child. That did not lessen the love we had shared.

Yet…well, this may sound silly, but to me, Nicholas had always seemed so virile. Even before we officially became lovers, I would stare at him while he was talking to somebody else, and get giddy with infatuation. He didn’t have to work at being sexy. I found him so full of masculine charm, I figured he must be quite capable of fathering a child.

There was an unlicensed doctor in town, Dr. Lovell, who had helped Meryl with Vash when we first came into town. He checked in with us once in awhile, but Meryl, who had been trained in some basic first aid and medical procedures, was doing fine tending Vash otherwise. I decided to see if Dr. Lovell could help with my problem, and went to his house, nervously knocking on the door. It opened with a creak. I remembered some lines from one of the steamy romance novels my little big sister used to read. “He knocked, and she opened the door, and let him in.” Everything was making me so sexually uncomfortable today! No, it wasn’t Dr. Lovell himself making me feel vulnerable—he was of grandfatherly age, and a man I wouldn’t think of in a passionate way. “Dr. Lovell—”

“Oh, Milly! Is Eriks doing okay?” Eriks is the alias we had given Vash, having been told it was the alias he used in Karsted City. 

“Meryl is taking good care of Mister Va--Eriks. He’s her baby, you know. What I’ve come to ask you about, um, well, I think _I_ might be having a baby. Is there a way you can find out?”

“Yeah, there’s a test I can run. Come in.” As I walked by him, he asked, “Eriks isn’t the—”

“The man who might be a father is dead,” I explained. I wrung my hands. “But I want his child, I really do.”

**Meryl: It was noon and the well workers were taking something called a siesta—an extended break because of the heat. They would resume work later in the afternoon. I brought Milly a picnic lunch, and we sat in the town square.**

**“It really does keep my mind off my problems, you know,” she said to me. I thought it odd that she kept saying the plural of problem, when she had just one main problem that I knew of—the loss of her man. “Working. I play mind games. I don’t think too hard..about him. It’s funny how you can get on with life.”**

**I chuckled nervously. “I suppose.”**

**“Some people like work even more than they like play,” she continued. “I know of some pregnant women who worked hard labor right until the day of labor. The _other_ labor,” she clarified. “My Mom always worked the fields like that. She was right back at it the day after I was born.” She took a long sip of lemonade, then switched the subject back to Wolfwood. “I _am_ going to miss him, though. I don’t know what it was about him, but I always loved him. I guess I’m being foolish.”**

**I sensed there was more that she wanted to say. “Milly…”**

**She stood up. “I have to check on something before getting back to work, ‘K?” Briskly, she walked away.**

**_What is it?_ I wondered. _What’s wrong? What else is wrong?_**

****

Milly:The news Dr. Lovell gave me was positive—I was pregnant! I was so happy I squealed and kissed him on the cheek. I took my time on the way back to the work site, strolling along instead of briskly walking. When had it happened, I wondered. Was it the first time we made love, because—well, because the first time _is_ the first time, if that makes any sense. Or the second time, when I looked at him with all the love I felt inside, hoping he realized the extent of my devotion, and I saw a gleam in his eyes—the proverbial “when you were just a gleam in your father’s eyes”? Or maybe the third time, when the darkness had turned into dawn. The darkness could be his death, and the dawn the new life within me. 

“Gotta tell Meryl, gotta tell Meryl,” I whispered to myself. Wait! No, I was going to tell her—and Vash—together. I would know the right time.

_Melinda: Something bad happened—the townspeople figured out Eriks’ secret identity. And, dragging him to the outskirts of town, they kicked him when he was down._

**Meryl: He was so pathetic he wouldn’t even lift a finger to help himself when them mob attacked him. He let them beat him and shoot at him, thinking somehow that he deserved it. Maybe he just wanted it to be over with—he didn’t believe in suicide, but it would be okay if he let the angry townsfolk kill him.**

_Melinda: But you saved him, didn’t you?_

****

**Meryl: I guess. I just talked the townsmen out of violence. Their spokesman let me lower his gun. I tried to further explain why Vash was a hero, not a villain. I can’t say that I made Vash the Stampede fanatics out of all of them, but at least they let us be from then on.**

**Vash hugged me, but instead of enjoying the moment, I freaked when he held on too long and squeezed too hard. I whacked him on the head and stormed away.**

**We didn’t apologize to each other; we just simply forgot the incident. The next morning, he had shaved and put his hair back up into its “needles”, and donned his red coat. I knew the time had come for him to face Knives.**

**I almost told him then and there that I loved him, but Milly, bless her heart, interrupted. But it was a worthwhile interruption—she gave him Wolfwood’s cross to bring with him to battle. He would need it.**

**Later, at lunch in the town square, I was fretting. “What if he doesn’t come back?”**

**“Don’t think like that!” Milly advised. “He’ll come back.”**

**“But—” I cut myself short. I shouldn’t remind her.**

**“I know. Nicholas didn’t come back. But I knew in my heart that that was his fate. But I’ve got a good feeling about Mr. Vash. I really think he’s coming back.”**

**“I hate to even say it, Milly, but I’m worried he won’t. I’m worried he’ll spend his last few minutes alone and never knowing how I’ve loved him.”**

**“I didn’t get to be with Nicholas when he died,” she said, looking wistful. “But he knew how I felt, and we got to say a long goodbye.” She brushed a finger along her lips.**

**“So this is what it’s like to be women in love,” I mused. “Sometimes I wish we never got this assignment. And that we never met them.”**

**Milly disagreed. “I know my time with him was short, but I’m glad we had that night—and morning—alone.” She put a hand on her belly, but I was too foolish to realize the significance of it, just as I had been too foolish to realize the significance of her having talked about women in labor earlier. “And I’m glad for the times before that, when we were friends. He really was an amazing man, Meryl, and so isn’t Mr. Vash.”**

**“Yeah, I know.”**

**“I think you’re glad you know him.”**

**I couldn’t answer. I stood there, staring off to the outskirts of town. _Oh, Vash,_ I thought. _Why did I let myself fall in love with you? How could this have happened?_**

****

Milly:When we struck water ahead of schedule, the whole town rejoiced. Water sprayed everywhere, and kids frolicked in it. Actually, adults did, too. And I saw some poor cat floating in it. I myself rejoiced, for seeing a dry and dusty town spring forth with new life gave me hope that the joy of living wasn’t over for me yet.

We were the only two in town to notice a man approaching from the wilderness. At first, we were both excited, but then unsure.

“That’s..that’s Vash,” Meryl said hesitantly. “Isn’t it?”

“I dunno. What’s that he’s carrying? It’s not Nicholas’ cross.”

“I think it’s another person. He’s dressed differently or something—I think he dropped the coat.”

“I guess he couldn’t carry the cross and the coat and the person all at once,” I reasoned.

"That is Vash, isn’t it?” Meryl wondered again.

The person neared town by several more feet. “It is him!” Meryl cried happily. I recognized him, too.

We waved excitedly. Vash looked up, and smiled a greeting. It was a wonderful, carefree smile.

Meryl ran to him, and I followed a few steps behind. Vash put his one free arm around her shoulders and squeezed, pulling her towards him. “Vash!” was all she could say.

I waited for her to say more, but she just smiled. “Milly,” Vash greeted, breaking the moment’s silence.

“Hi, Mr. Vash, I’m glad you’re okay!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, and from now on, everything’s gonna be alright,” he declared, then explained how his brother would need constant watch and care.

Meryl didn’t confess her feelings to him that day. I was disappointed in her, but she said it had not been the appropriate time, with Vash so busy with his brother.

Nor did she speak her mind to him the next day.

Milly: It seemed every armed man in town was enlisted at some time or another to keep watch over the unconscious Knives. Not for medical reasons, mind you, but because if he woke up, he might cause trouble. During one of those times that Vash and I were freed up from the duty, I demanded we take a borrowed jeep and drive back to the scene of the battle. I just had to retrieve Nicholas’ cross. Thankfully, we found it, and drove quickly back to our little house in the little town.

On the porch, Vash handed me the cross, and I hugged the cloth-covered metal before leaning it against the wall. Meryl stood in the doorway, peeking back at the room with Knives, although Dr. Lovell was watching Vash’s brother.

"I’m sorry, Milly,” Vash apologized. “I didn’t mean to leave his cross behind without your permission, but I really couldn’t carry both it and Knives.”

“It’s back now, Mr. Vash. That’s all that matters,” I said, fingering the rope that bound the cloth to the cross.

“Please, Milly, drop the _mister._ Formalities really sound silly when we’ve known each other this long and been through this much together.”

“Okay, Mis—Um, I mean, Vash.”

“You know, Milly,” he began uncertainly.

“Yes?”

“You were right. Those verses you found were right. Wolfwood is still around. I felt his presence during the fight.”

“Really?” I felt an exhilarating thrill of hope.

“I even heard him speak to me. I know it wasn’t just my imagination, because in all the destruction, I lost sight of the cross and…” Vash paused, then laughed. “I heard him say, ‘It’s right next to you, use it, dammit!’ And sure enough, that’s where I found it.”

I smiled contentedly. “Nicholas is watching over you.”

“I’m sure he’s watching over you, too.” He shuffled his feet. “It was good to hear him one more time. There are some people in my life I’ll never forget, and he’s one of them.”

It was the perfect opportunity for me to make my announcement. “Oh, none of us will ever forget Nicholas. And do you know why?”

“Why, Milly?”

“Because I’m carrying his child!”

“Urrk!” I glanced back to see Meryl wide-eyed and panicked, and about ready to fall over.

But Vash grinned, and held out his arms to embrace me. “Hey, congratulations!”

“Thank you!”

“This is good news?” Meryl asked.

“Yeah!” both Vash and I exclaimed.

Meryl looked confused for a moment, then walked over and joined the hug. “Okay, if you’re happy, I’m happy, too.”

Happy. I realized then my life would still be a happy one. Someday, in Paradise, Nicholas and I would be reunited, but in the meantime, I had my other loved ones around me.


	12. Speak Now

**Meryl:** **Settling down for bed, Milly rubbed her tummy and sighed contentedly. I still had misgivings about her having that priest’s baby, but I was glad to see her the happiest she had been since his death.**

**“Little one,” she cooed. “You are a present from Nicholas to me—a going away present, I guess. He gave you to me to keep me company, and to remind me of him. I love you already, and I don’t even know if you’re a boy or a girl!” She chuckled softly, then continued blabbering on in nonsense syllables. I fell asleep to this strange, ad-libbed language, wondering if I would be like this if I became a parent.**

Milly: The third day after Vash returned, we were all free for awhile—someone else was taking their watch with Knives. The three of us were now in the town square—Vash was sitting on a bench, and Meryl and I were by a store front and were looking at him.

I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass Meryl by. “Meryl,” I said in a soft sing-song voice. “Isn’t there something you were going to tell Vash?”

“Shush! It isn’t that easy!”

“I know—but if I can do it, you certainly can.”

She looked at me. “You were the one who spoke first?”

“Uh-huh,” I replied, nodding my head enthusiastically. “We are independent, working women, and we don’t need to be tied to some dumb ol’ rule that we have to wait for men to speak first.”

“You’re right.” Then she sighed and shook her head.

**Meryl: “Now, Meryl,” Milly insisted, looking as stern as she could.**

**“But—”**

**She grabbed me by the shoulders. “No more excuses, or one day it’s gonna be too late.”**

**I nodded. Milly squeezed my shoulder, and I marched towards Vash, trembling and with my heart pounding in my ears. On that long walk over a short distance, I felt like an infant taking her first wobbly steps. _How is it ever done_ , I wondered, _that people are able to get from friendship to romance?_**

**Rising to his feet, Vash looked at me curiously. “What’s wrong, Meryl?”**

**“I—” My voice got caught in my throat.**

**“What?” he wondered, leaning down towards my face to hear me better.**

**Pressing my lips against his cheek, I stole a quick kiss. “I love you, Vash,” I squeaked. Then, so he wouldn’t confuse my statement with just sisterly love, I added, “I’ve fallen in love with you.”**

**There was a long moment of silence—at least, it seemed long--as I looked searchingly at him, waiting anxiously to see how he responded. “Really?” he asked simply. I prepared myself for heartbreak. Suddenly, he shouted, “THAT IS SO COOL!” Grabbing my hands, he spun me around and around as I shrieked in alarm. Didn’t he remember last time he tried something like this, I socked him in the head?**

**Laughing like a maniac, he came to a stop. And I..well, I laughed, too, even as I nearly crumpled. Vash scooped me up in his arms, holding me like I was a baby. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he said. “I love you, too, Meryl. Can we get married now?”**

**“What?”**

**He looked at me with puppy dog eyes. “Please?”**

**Milly walked up. “Vash, I think she needs time to think.”**

**“I need to tell my family,” I said. “They should be invited.”**

**“They don’t live on the other side of the planet, do they?” Vash fretted.**

**“No, in December City.”**

**Vash gently placed me on the ground. “Good, as soon as they get here, we’ll have the ceremony.”**

**“Gee, that was fast,” Milly remarked, looking confused.**

**“Don’t you talk,” I chided. “You didn’t even invite me to your wedding.”**

**She blushed. “Nicholas and I were kinda in a hurry.”**

**“Well, so am I!” Vash shouted, then added in a more level voice, “I mean, so are we.”**

**“Don’t worry, Vash,” I said knowingly in a childish tone, pinching his cheek. “You won’t have to go without much longer.”**

**He laughed nervously.**

**Then he leaned down to kiss me, but I shyly turned my head.**

**“Go on, Meryl, kiss him!” Milly encouraged.**

**“But I did kiss him.”**

**“On the lips this time!”**

**“Yeah!” Vash agreed.**

**"But I’ve never kissed anybody full on the lips before!”**

**“There’s a first time for everything,” Vash uttered.**

**“As my big sister would say,” Milly broke in. “There’s some things that just come naturally, so don’t worry!”**

**I smiled in agreement, and let Vash’s lips meet mine. At first, I felt a sharp tingle, starting from my lips and rushing down to my toes. Swiftly after that came the heat, at what seemed like a temperature far above the fever point. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop kissing him and those soft, warm lips. I felt the pounding in my heart—that was nothing new—in the course of our adventures, there had been many situations that quickened my pulse. What was new was the pulsing in my nether regions.**

**My knees buckled, but Vash caught me, pulling me to my feet and letting me rest a moment against his chest. I was ready to scold him for letting it get past one kiss. But when I looked at him, I saw his eyes were wet. And I realized how much this had meant to him. It hadn’t been about getting fresh; it had been about exchanging and expressing love. “I’ll walk you home,” he offered, holding out his arm.**

**I looked around. Milly had wandered off; the suns were setting. “How long were we--?”**

**Vash shrugged. “Hey, time flies when you’re with the one you love.”**

**“Oh, Vash, you’re so sweet.”**

**On the porch of the house Milly and I were staying at, we noticed the lights were off. “Guess Milly didn’t come right home,” I observed.**

**“Meryl, do you think now that we’re engaged, that it’s okay—”**

**Despite the feelings he had aroused in me, I still wanted to be a good girl. “Go home, Vash.”**

**He held up his fingers in a peace symbol. “Gotcha! We’ll wait!” He beat his retreat.**

**That had been my sexual awakening. Now I know a lot of today’s young people might find that hard to believe, that is, it not happening to me until well into my twenties. But society was different back then. More prudish, unlike today’s sex saturated pop culture that bombards kids until they’re ready to do it just after reaching puberty. Back then, it was easier for a girl to keep a clean mind and clean body well into adulthood. Oh, I knew all the basics of the facts of life, I had just never felt that kind of overpowering physical desire before.**


	13. Repercussions

Milly:I was glad and heartened when a new pastor arrived in town. Maybe he could confirm Nicholas’ and my marriage before the baby was born!

The new pastor was Duncan Shepherd, a gentle-looking young man with curly red hair and blue-green eyes. His wife, Laurie, was blond, petite, and oh-so-sweet. I was sure I wouldn’t have any problems talking to them.

Sometimes I doubted my marriage myself, although I had been there when those heartfelt vows were taken. I still went by the last name Thompson—what else could I do? Meryl still called me Milly Thompson. Only Vash, sweetheart that he was, would ever call me Mrs. Wolfwood. It just pleased him to no end that part of his dead friend was living on in me. He still called me just Milly, too—he liked to alternate.

I met with the Shepherds in their small cabin. It had one main room, with a bed to one side, and a kitchen table to the other. Duncan and I spoke, seated around the table, while Laurie shyly kept quiet, just smiling a lot.

“I was ready to keep my promise to him of ‘’til death do us part’, no matter how long it took!” I insisted. “Unfortunately, it didn’t take very long. He was gunned down the very next day by the Gung-Ho Guns.”

Duncan grimaced. “That’s a sad way to go. Reverend Wolfwood sure had a way of getting into trouble.” I was so happy and hopeful—Duncan had actually met Nicholas a handful of times!

“You can think of it that way,” I declared. “But I think of him as a Christian soldier fighting on the front lines. And the front line is always the most dangerous.”

“Yeah, that’s true. He didn’t always live as Christlike as possible, but he was willing to take a stand and endanger his life.”

“Well, can you help me?”

“I’ll try, Milly. But you must realize the way my church usually does marriage confirmation is to get a signature from both parties, and unfortunately—”

I hung my head. “Oh.”

“I’m sure we can think of something!” he consoled me. “You’re welcome to stay for dinner,” he offered, almost as an after thought.

“It should be ready to come out of the oven any second,” Laurie informed me. Which was funny, because I hadn’t smelled anything cooking.

Laurie took the bird out of the oven. “How come this is still cold?” She thought for several moments, then slapping her forehead, practically screamed, “I forgot to turn the oven on!” She put the bird back in and turned a switch. “Sorry, Milly, it may still be another hour.”

“You’re still welcome to stay,” Duncan said.

“Could I get you anything to drink in the meantime?” Laurie asked, her cheeks red.

“Well, I could use a glass of water,” I said.

“Consider it done!” She filled a glass from the tap. As she was handing it to me, she tipped it, spilling about a third on my lap. “Oh, I’m sorry, Milly! I am being such a goof today.” She looked for a hand towel, and not finding one quickly, excused herself to go get a bath towel.

“Actually, she’s like this every day,” Duncan said in a hushed voice. “But that’s what I love about her—my scatterbrained sweetheart.” 

I smiled at his affection—and because next to Laurie, maybe I didn’t look like such a ditz!

**Meryl: “I wonder where Milly is,” I fretted aloud, pacing in the house we shared. “Hope she isn’t gonna be up all night talking to some preacher man again.”**

Milly: I met again with Duncan and Laurie back at their cabin. They stood outside the door as I approached, and I could tell by the expressions on their faces that they had bad news. “Milly, the council refuses to make your marriage official,” Duncan reported.

I hung my head.

“However,” he continued. “I did successfully argue against them charging you with fornication.”

“So I’m not married, and yet, I’m not, not a…” I swallowed hard, holding back tears.

“It doesn’t make sense, I know,” Laurie said consolingly.

“I’m not some harlot!” I insisted. “It wasn’t like that at all.”

“They just don’t know ‘cause they weren’t there,” Laurie told me.

“Actually…” I sniffed. “I’m glad they weren’t there.”

She blushed. “Oh, well, that’s true. I didn’t think of that.”

I sighed. “I’m going to be an unwed mother.” Nicholas’ words of concern rang in my head: _And where does that leave you? What if I got you pregnant? People aren’t gonna believe we were married, and they’ll treat you like dirt._

Then Laurie, bless her heart, said something similar to what I had replied to Nicholas. “Don’t worry, Milly. They may put you down, but you know your true character.”

Milly: On top of that bad news, sometimes I, stun gun at the ready, had to take my turn at guarding Knives. While I watched, I thought I myself should kill Knives while he was unconscious. After all, he had been at least indirectly, if not directly, responsible for my Nicholas’ death. The way I felt, it might as well have been Knives who pulled the trigger and mortally wounded my man.

Vash was asking a lot to want me to help take care of his brother. But someone had to watch him or he might find the strength to get up and hurt more people. As I sat there, I would think of my own siblings—if one of them turned to crime and murder, wouldn’t I still want to help them?

Milly: Whether I was guilty of sin or not in regards to my unofficial marriage to and night of passion with Nicholas, I suffered the consequences. Nicholas had been right to worry about my reputation.

When he first died, I couldn’t bear to mention it in my letters to family and friends. But when I found out I was pregnant—well, word about that would get around sooner or later, so I might as well have been straight about it. I wrote something like this:

“I mentioned before our sometimes companion, the priest Nicholas D. Wolfwood. I don’t think I made it quite clear in previous letters, but I was in love with him. Was? Actually, I still love him and always will. Did you notice I was talking in the past tense? My dear Nicholas has already met his end, unfortunately. He was shot down.

“I am mourning like a widow. You see, Nicholas and I took vows to each other the night before. We became husband and wife. We were stranded in a ghost town, so we couldn’t take official vows in a church. But since he was a priest, I told him it was in his authority to marry us.

“I have just found out I am pregnant. I am happy about this, for I will always have a reminder of our love. I hope you will be happy for me, too.”

Darn my honesty about our unofficial vows. Opinion was divided amongst my loved ones back home. They called it the “Milly Issue”. Half of them nearly disowned me for committing fornication with, of all people, a man of God. Some say, like a shameless hussy, I seduced him. I had thought they knew me better than that. Some say it was he who seduced me—I don’t know where they got that idea, either. It’s not seduction or fornication if we take vows of marriage to each other, is it?

We were a tight knit family, so the rejection and scorn in these letters shocked me. But then, we had also always been conservative, frowning on things like sexual sin. Their letters were so heartbreaking. Here a few excerpts:

From Middle Big Brother: “Girl, you need to get back to the Bible. Fall upon your knees before the Lord, and confess your sins. In His mercy, He will forgive you, but only if you repent. I don’t care if your lover was a priest, he was a false prophet or he would not have had relations with you. Aren’t priests supposed to be celibate anyway?”

From Little Big Sister: “Listen, Milly, I know of this drug that when you take it, it induces a miscarriage. Please, you must not give birth to this baby!!!”

From the best friend of my childhood: “You have behaved so foolishly! I’m ashamed of you! Consider our friendship over!”

The letter from Little Big Brother was similar: “I will be cordial to you at family reunions, but only for our parents’ sake.”

Middle Big Sister wrote, “You were always the baby of the family, sweet and innocent. How could you do something like this?”

And from Mom herself: “I know this will be hard, but you must give the baby up for adoption. Please, it will be best for it and you. Then come home. Obviously, you are not ready for the big world.”

Not ready for the big world? I had experienced and lived through so much. I had had dangerous adventures the likes of which none of my family could imagine. And I had handled it. No, I would not give up my child and return home. I had been an adult for several years now.

With all these nasty or in the least misguided letters, I was so afraid to open the one from Heloise, my favorite sister whose advice I often quoted to others. But she said, “Dearest sister, How are you? When are you expecting and where will you be staying at that time? I will try to visit you before the child comes. I can’t believe my baby sister is having a baby! I am so excited for you! 

“P.S.: Don’t let what anyone else says get you down—their words have power only if you let them.”

**Meryl: While Milly was having trouble writing to her family, so was I, trying to explain my engagement. I must have typed a hundred drafts before I created a letter that I thought suitable to send to my parents:**

**“Dear Mom and Dad,**

**“I am engaged and want you to come to my wedding…**

**“…Now here I must warn you to brace yourselves, because the man I am marrying is none other than Vash the Stampede. Now, before you have a fit, let me remind you of what I said before. Vash is not the man the rumors and myths portray him as. They say he is a cold killer. Well, he’s not cold—he’s the sweetest man I know. And he’s not a killer—he only killed once, and that was just to save Milly and I. Even then, he felt terribly guilty and sad afterwards…”**

**I almost added that I was a grown woman, and I was going to marry him whether they approved of it or not.**

**I brought the envelope out to the mailbox. Milly was there with a stack of her “Milly Monthly” letters to home. “My family thinks I’m a harlot, but I’m writing them nice, friendly letters anyway!” she announced cheerily.**

**“Well, Milly, that’s, um, your prerogative,” I said lamely.**

**“My big big brother said it’s good my ‘preacher boyfriend’ is dead, or he would’ve killed him himself.” She giggled lightly.**

**“What’s so funny about that?” I wondered, concerned she was losing her sanity.**

**“Nicholas was an ace gunman,” Milly reminded me. “My big big brother wouldn’t have had a chance against him!”**

**“I suppose not,” I replied solemnly. Poor Milly, being alienated from her beloved family! I felt a twinge of guilt for having ignored my family for so long.**

**“Don’t worry about me, Meryl. You may not know this because you’re an only child, but brothers and sisters can be like that. I don’t know about blood being thicker than water. I think sometimes you get along better with friends. But my family will forgive me. Someday. I don’t think it’ll be too far down the road.”**


	14. Cold Feet

**Meryl: One day, Vash and I were sitting on the porch, thinking about our wedding plans. “What are you worried about?” I asked him.**

**“It’s just—I’m not sure of my race’s history. How long it takes for us to age. When you’re an old woman, I could still look like this. And when you die, I could live five hundred years longer.”**

**I was silent for a moment, looking at my shoes. Finally, I spoke. “When I was young, I had a kitten. It was my baby, but while I was still a kid, it grew up into a cat. And while I was a teenager, it died of old age. Pets have such short life times compared to their owners, but that doesn’t stop people from taking them into their lives, and loving them.”**

**“What about if we have children? Hell, I don’t even know if I can have children. But if we did, he or she might not be human.”**

**“Time will tell. And as for my aging—when I’m young, I can be your lover. When I’m older, I can be like a mother. I can still be your companion, just in a different way. We’ll take things as they come along.”**

**“Are you sure that’s wise?”**

**“Look, all I know is, I don’t want to lose you. If I gave you up now, I could never live with myself, knowing I let you get away.”**

**Meryl: Those were big words on my part. Not long after, I was second guessing my decision to marry Vash. It started the night when I woke up in a cold sweat. What was that dream I had been having? Mrs. Vash the Stampede. Not Meryl anymore. Just an extension of my husband. No career—just being a wife.**

**I talked to Milly about it. “Were you hurt before in your past?” she asked me, sitting down beside me on the porch.**

**“No. I had a couple of crushes, but I never told them.”**

**She smiled slyly. “That sounds typical. But you’re not gonna let this one get away, are you?”**

**I sighed. “I don’t want to, but—I’m so used to my independence. I don’t want to suddenly give up my job and become a housewife.”**

**“I don’t think Vash would do that to you.”**

**“He might.”**

**“Well, you’ve always been able to handle him. You’ll talk him out of it.” She held up a finger, a new idea suddenly occurring to her. “Besides, Vash doesn’t have a job to speak of, so somebody’s got to be the breadwinner!”**

**I grinned. “You’ve got a point there.” But my fears and dread were not allayed. “But besides that, sometimes I think the only reason Vash wants to marry me is so he has someone to screw!”**

**“Oh, Meryl, that’s just silly talk!”**

**Meryl: I walked up to Vash, who was on his favorite bench in the town square. His eyes lit up when he saw me, and he smiled. My heart ached, and I sighed.**

**“Sit down,” he said, patting the space next to him.**

**“No, I can’t stay,” I said. “I have to leave you.”**

**“Where are you going? Did Bernadelli transfer you?”**

**“No, it’s not that kind of leaving. I-I can’t marry you, Vash!” Tears punctuated my last words.**

**He stood up and grasped my shoulders. “Why, Meryl?” My mind flashbacked to when he had confronted Wolfwood over the killing of Zazie. “Why, Wolfwood?” is what he demanded. He had felt so betrayed. As he did now. And I was the one who had done it.**

**I pulled away. “Don’t ask why!” I shrieked. “I just can’t! I can’t be your little wife!” I fled across the street to avoid further conflict.**

**His powers of deduction were very keen. “Meryl, this has nothing to do with me, does it?” Vash yelled after me. “This is about something some other guys did to their wives! Well, don’t blame me!”**

**I bumped into Milly at the general store front. She had her arms folded and was regarding me sternly. “Hmmpph!” was all she said, and she strode away.**

**I wondered if I had been fair to Vash—no, I hadn’t. And with all the pain he’d already experienced in life, how could I do this to him? But could I really sacrifice my freedom?**

**Later that day, I returned to the town square, I saw Vash, his back to my direction—he was still sitting on the bench, moping.**

**A blond and buxom woman in a tight, leather skirt sauntered by. She leaned over Vash, her breasts nearly toppling out, and whispered something in his ear.**

**“No, thanks,” he said. “I already have a woman, Meryl.”**

**“But she’s such a plain Jane!” the lady protested. “She could never do you as good as me!”**

**“Just let it rest,” Vash said, as gently as possible. “I’m taken.”**

**“All right,” the woman said with a sigh, and walked on.**

**Maybe he did indeed love me for me, I realized, and wasn’t marrying me just to get sex. How could I have been so vain to think I was the only woman who could offer him that?**

**Rather disinterestedly, Vash watched the hussy go, and he must have seen me out of the corner of his eye. He stood up, and marched towards me. I wanted to flee, but was paralyzed.**

**As he stepped onto the porch, I backed away until the wall of the store prevented me from going further. He rested a hand above me, leaning his weight against the wall, and trapping me. I expected an angry confrontation. Instead, he hung his head so that I could not even look into his eyes. “Don’t go,” he simply asked. Then he looked up, his pleading eyes—those infinite, beautiful blue pools--penetrating into my soul. “I’ll do anything.”**

**No one had eyes as breathtaking as his. Was I a fool for ever having turned away from them? “Oh, Vash,” I whimpered. “Oh, Vash, I’m so sorry. I’m so scared.”**

**“What are you scared about?”**

**“I’m afraid of..of losing me.”**

**He looked puzzled.**

**“Of not being an individual anymore. Not being Meryl Stryfe anymore. Just Mrs. Vash the Stampede.”**

**He still looked confused.**

**I glanced in the store. It was empty, except for Josie, the clerk, who was sweeping and was more interested in the music on her headphones. I led Vash inside, so we could have a little privacy. “In the church I grew up in, they had a directory of members they would hand out. The women weren’t listed as Mary or Lisa or whatever their names were. They were listed as Mrs. John Smith or Mrs. Howard Brown, as though all they were were extensions of their husbands.”**

**Vash smiled. “I think I understand. Don’t worry—you can keep your name. I don’t have a last name to give you, and Meryl the Stampede sounds stupid.”**

**“I know what the Bible says about the man being the head of the household,” I rambled frantically. “Fine. I don’t need to be the one in charge. But most men take advantage of that rule so they can lord it over the woman. I don’t want to be a half-human, existing only in my husband’s shadow.”**

**Vash was looking out the window, and motioned for me to come over. Outside, I could see women milling about on the street, going about their business. “Look out there,” Vash said. “Do you see any half-humans?”**

**“No,” I replied with hesitation. “But of course, you wouldn’t see them as half-humans, you being..who you are.” With the last words, I came to a realization. I turned to Vash. “You..you wouldn’t.”**

**He smiled. “No, I wouldn’t. And besides, Meryl, you’re an incredible woman, and I couldn’t diminish that even if I wanted to.”**

**“What about my career? Can I have a say in things?”**

**“Well, of course you can! See, all you needed to do was ask, not run away!”**

**"I’m sorry, Vash. I panicked.”**

**“So is the wedding still on?”**

**I smiled. “Well, I would hate to have my parents come all this way for nothing.”**

**He enclosed me in his arms. We stood in an embrace for a long time, he gently rocking me. After all that worrying, I realized this was where I was meant to be after all.**

**“Meryl,” he said finally.**

**“What?”**

**“Can we celebrate by going to my room and—”**

**“No!”**

**“Aww!” He pulled away.**

**“Hey, I didn’t say you had to stop holding me.”**

**He drew me back into his arms. “Hey, you know the only thing that comes between us right now?”**

**“What?”  
**

**“Clothes.”**

**This time I pulled away. “Vash, be patient! It’s not all that far away. But—”**

**“But what?”**

**I smiled. “Thanks for turning down that hussy a few minutes ago.”**

**“Not a problem. I once turned away two free hookers by pretending to pass out.”**

**“You’re not as bad as your reputation, are you?”**

**He shrugged.**

**Meryl: That was always something I wondered about—his sexual and romantic past. I didn’t know if he had had any lovers before me—I mean, he must have, having lived so long, and with his libido. I know his patchwork body of scars made him shy about revealing his flesh to potential lovers, but he couldn’t have always had those scars.**

**But being over a hundred years old, he could have already had a wife, who grew old and died. The only significant woman from his past that he had ever mentioned was Rem, and she was more like mother/mentor/teacher to him. He was just a child when she died, so they had never had sexual relations.**

**His being a humanoid and so long-lived might mean something else, though—maybe it took him decades before he even awakened to sexual thoughts. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.**

**If I asked him, his memory might prove faulty. He gained a lot of his memory back in the days leading up to his confrontation with Knives, but he claimed his memory was still sketchy. Well, a hundred plus years—that is too much to keep track of. I can’t remember things I did last week.**

**Not even Vash’s biographer would be able to get him to divulge much about past girlfriends. He mentioned some recent girls—that is to say, recent meaning since I knew him—but those girls he never touched even though he wanted to. I don’t know that they count.**

**I suppose I was cowardly for not asking him all the details of his past romances, but I didn’t really want to know. Most of the time, my ignorance was blissful, and I didn’t mind not knowing. The most he ever said to me was he hadn’t been married before, and as for other sexual or romantic experiences, “it’s not as bad as you think.” But once in awhile, I would think of it, and wonder who had had him before, and feel disturbed.**


	15. The Ceremony Nears

**Meryl: Mr. and Mrs. Stryfe, my parents, had come for the ceremony. I left them in the kitchen, then went to find Vash. Unsuccessful, I returned to the kitchen to find Vash there, entertaining them. “Hey, I can balance a salt shaker on my tongue!” he exclaimed, picking one up off the table and doing just that.**

**“Bravo!” my Dad cried.**

**“Oh, sheesh!” I put my hand to my forehead. “What the heck does he think he’s doing?”**

**“Oh, there you are, Meryl!” my Mom chirped.**

**“Mm—” Vash lost control of his tongue and the salt shaker fell to the floor. It didn’t break, but salt did scatter all over the place.**

**“Mom, Dad, this is—” I began.**

**“We know,” Mom interrupted. “It’s Vash.”**

**I was expecting some friction between them and him, not this jolly camaraderie. “You know? You’re not, um, afraid of him or anything?”**

**“You told us in your letters that he was a good man, and that’s good enough for us.”**

**“Meryl, we were the ones who taught you to never trust rumors until you get to know the real person,” Dad reminded me.**

**“And now that we’ve met him,” Mom continued. “We know the only thing he’s a danger to is salt shakers.”**

**“And we found out he’s talented with his tongue,” Dad added.**

**Mom looked at me pointedly. “That could come in handy in bed.”**

**“Mom!” I knew my face must be really red because I could feel the heat radiating from it.**

**“Meryl embarrasses easily,” my Mom explained to Vash.**

**Vash put an arm around my shoulders. “Yeah, I know!” he replied, laughing. “She takes things much too seriously.”**

**I growled.**

**“Aw, come on, honey,” Vash encouraged. “I like them and they like me—that’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”**

**I relaxed my taut shoulders. “Yeah, I guess. I just didn’t expect this to turn into a game of ‘Let’s Make Meryl Blush’.”**

**As soon as I said that, I knew it had been a mistake. My parents and Vash looked at each other and laughed evilly. From then on, whenever they got together, they never failed to play jokes on me or make jokes at my expense.**

**Meryl: One day, Vash took me out to meet the express bus, which was making a stop in town. “I hope you don’t mind, but I also invited my family here for the wedding.”**

**“But I thought your only relative was your brother.”**

**Out of the crowd of disembarking passengers, a tomboy broke free and ran to Vash, shouting the name, “Eriks!”**

**Vash caught her as she took a flying leap into his arms. “Lina! Where’s your Grandma?”**

**“Oh, she’s coming. Just a bit more slowly.” Lina turned around and waved. “Grandma! Over here!”**

**In a minute, an elderly woman joined us. “Lina, Grandma Sheryl, this is Meryl, my fiancée. Meryl, this is Lina and Sheryl. They took care of me after the Augusta tragedy.”**

**“Oh,” I said. “Then I must thank you for saving my husband-to-be.”**

**“It was no problem,” Sheryl told me. “We enjoyed having him live with us.”**

**“I’m just glad we’re together again!” Lina exclaimed. “I really thought we’d never see you again, Eriks. I mean, Vash.”**

**“Oh, you can still call me Eriks if you want to. I’m thinking of dropping the name Vash so I can settle down to a peaceful life.”**

**“Really?” I wondered.**

**“I didn’t tell you?”**

**I shook my head.**

**“If you don’t like the name, let me know,” he told me, in a way that let me know he would consider my opinion seriously.**

**“All right.”**

**He turned back to Sheryl and Lina. “Well, let’s get you settled in town.”**

**We walked back to the town square. “What happened to that interesting priest fellow you left town with?” Grandma Sheryl wondered.**

**Vash sighed, and pointed skyward. “Gone to a heavenly flock.”**

**“Oh, that’s too bad.”  
**

**“Really? He’s dead?” Lina asked. “Oh, that’s sad! He helped rescue me and he also helped comfort me when the bandits humiliated Eriks.”**

**“Vash was real broken up about his passing,” I explained.**

**“I just feel more sorry for his widow,” Vash remarked.**

**“I didn’t realize he was married,” Sheryl said.**

**“To my best friend, Milly,” I informed her, looking ahead to the center of town. “Oh, there she is now!”**

**Milly was leaning down towards the ground. “Look, everyone, puppies!” she exclaimed with a smile. Lina and Vash ran ahead to see the little dogs.**

**“Well, she seems to be doing alright,” Sheryl observed.**

**“Yeah, things are getting better for all of us,” I agreed.**

**Meryl: However taken aback I might have been about Lina, I was quickly won over. One night, she was helping me wash and dry dishes, and she said, “He mentioned you once.”**

**“When he was pretending to be Eriks?”**

**“Yeah—he didn’t talk a lot about his past, of course, but I asked him about any girlfriends he might have had. He said, ‘There was this woman, Meryl. I was never sure how I felt about her, but sometimes I thought we had something going.’”**

**“Really? That’s intriguing. I didn’t realize he had feelings for me back then.”**

****  
  



	16. The Wrath of Knives

**Meryl: Vash and I were sitting at the kitchen table, nursing cups of coffee. “Vash, tell me about your people,” I demanded. “The Plants. Call this crazy, but Knives’ grudge almost makes sense if humans are abusing Plants like he told me.”**

**“Don’t listen to him—he’s paranoid,” he replied.**

**“I wouldn’t listen, but Milly and I have to take our turns watching him!”**

**“Since Knives and I were raised like humans, we can’t imagine existing the way most Plants do,” Vash explained. “But the ones I’ve talked to—they really don’t mind. Being one with energy puts them in touch with the universe. It’s a different form of existence, but it’s not an unhappy one.”**

**“Could you control people’s minds the way you said Knives can?” I asked.**

**“I dunno,” he stated, somewhere between somber and flippant. “I never tried.”**

**“Why not?” I pressed, as he stood up and walked to the window.**

**“Because that kind of power is addictive,” he said, gazing outside. “I could use it once, for a good cause—then I’d start using it for less worthy reasons. To get money, sex, power…”**

**“I don’t think you would—”**

**“It’s a weapon, Meryl. Some weapons are better left unused.” He turned from the window. “I don’t know how I’m going to do it,” he said with a sigh, collapsing back into his chair. “I just don’t see how I can rehabilitate Knives.”**

**“Vash, surely you know by now you can only _encourage_ people to change—you can’t make them.”**

**“But if I don’t convince him, the world could be in danger again.” He rested his chin in the palm of his hand. “And I can’t kill him.”**

**_No, you can’t,_ I found myself thinking. _But maybe..maybe someone else can._ I imagined myself holding a derringer to Knives’ skull. No, I couldn’t do that. Not after that speech I gave the townspeople on why they had no right to kill Vash. I shuddered at my wicked thoughts.**

**“What’s wrong?” Vash asked curiously.**

**“Nothing,” I lied. “Chilly, I guess.”**

**“Seems plenty warm to me.”**

**I hurried to change the subject—to anything else! “Did you see the puppies this morning? They’re getting so big, so fast!”**

**“Er, yeah…”**

**"Vash,” I began seriously, leaning forward over the table. “I heard somewhere that you and Knives are immortal. That can’t be true, can it? But you’ve acquired scars from wounds that should’ve killed you.”**

**He sighed. “I don’t know what our life span is. And I guess we are plenty more resilient than humans. But I’m sure I’ll die someday. I mean, if I were in an explosion, I’d be blown to bits, wouldn’t I? How could I recover from that?”**

**“I see. But, Vash, I still think we ought to increase how many people are with Knives at one time.”**

**Meryl: Knives, to be frank, gave me the creeps. Most strongly, I felt his virility—I suspected he would have raped me if he could have gotten away with it. He looked like Vash, I suppose, but somehow he seemed so ugly. Same kind of face as Vash, yet…I guess your personality _can_ help or harm your looks.**

**I could sense Knives was waiting to make his move, as the days to the wedding drew nearer. Despite his acting good-natured and half-converted, it was obvious Knives wasn’t thrilled about the planned union of Vash and I.**

**He struck four days before the wedding date.**

Milly: Meryl and I were taking our turn watching him. He appeared to be sleeping, but we both had our weapons at the ready—that’s how much we trusted that loser!

**Meryl: Outside the room, I could hear a commotion. “Grandma!” Vash cried. “Why are you pointing that gun at me?” My confused husband-to-be walked into the room, backwards. Grandma Sheryl was pointing a gun at his chin. Lina followed. She had a handgun that Sheryl had given her upon her last birthday.**

**“What could possibly be the matter?” Milly wondered aloud to herself.**

**“Grandma, he touched me here, and here,” Lina repeated, gesturing to her pelvis and her newly forming breasts.**

**“You know I would never hurt Lina in any way,” Vash insisted, trying to remain calm.**

**Suddenly, I remembered—one night, Vash had sneaked into my room, and felt all around my body. I drew one of my derringers. “You bastard! As if molesting me wasn’t bad enough, you have to get it from a child!”**

**“When did I molest you?” Vash wondered.**

Milly: I had been watching all this, stunned. Vash wouldn’t do such things, would he? No, of course he wouldn’t. I glanced over at Knives. He had one eye open, as though winking at me, and a slight, sneering smile, as though his victory was ensured.

I knew this man was dangerous, but I had to distract, well, if not him, then his victims, so maybe they could return to their senses. “It’s not Vash!” I cried out. “It was him!” I continued, pointing. “He’s making you think Vash did things he didn’t. Remember he can do that?” I cast my angry eyes upon Knives. “Oh, I hate you! Because of you, the father of my child is dead!”

“Oh, you mean that pathetic priest, Nicholas D. Wolfwood,” Knives said with a sneer, stopping his sleeping act. “Don’t worry, you’re better off without him—he was nothing but a child killer.”

The rage within me boiled.

“Besides,” Knives continued gleefully. “Your unholy alliance with him has probably spawned some demon in your womb.”

My rage spilled over. I lunged at him, only to have Meryl and Vash hold me back. Good, Meryl was herself again.

**Meryl: Sheryl still had her pistol aimed at Vash, but her hand was shaking with uncertainty. I retrained my derringer on Knives, who just smiled coolly. “Oh, you won’t kill me. Vash won’t let you. See, it’s more dangerous to be under his influence than mine. Just shoot me—I’ll recover, then this will start all over again. I’ve spent most of my life recovering from one—”**

**Suddenly, someone fired. Blood splattered on the wall behind Knives, who, with a shocked expression on his face, slumped. “Lina, no!” Vash yelled, but Lina fired again and again, emptying out her bullets, to make sure the evil beast was dead this time.**

**“I’m sorry, Vash, I’m sorry! But it had to be done. He was just going to kill more people.”**

**Meryl: So, like a shepherd boy had taken down Goliath with just a slingshot and some stones, the supposedly all-powerful Knives had been rubbed out by a child. It turned out that Lina hadn’t been under Knives’ full control all along. When the strong-willed girl recognized his intrusion in her head, she pretended to go along, trying not to think too much so that he wouldn’t read her true thoughts. When the opportunity presented itself, she attacked. She knew Vash wouldn’t approve, but she realized that Knives would never reform. She carried a grudge against him not only for what he had done to Vash, but also to Wolfwood. She was fond of Wolfwood for having helped her out.**

Milly: When she grew up, she became a Ranger, red coat and everything!

**Meryl: And grandmother Sheryl lived with us the rest of her years. But getting back to that time when Knives was killed…**

**Later, I found Vash in his room, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking like he was moping. I sat down beside him, putting an arm around him. “You doing okay?” I asked softly, more hesitantly adding, “Do you want to talk?”**

**He exhaled a breath through his nose, then said, “I was foolish to think I could change him. He’s harbored hatred in him for over a hundred years—he wasn’t going to change overnight. Probably not at all. Why did I think just because I defeated him in a fight that I defeated the way he chose to live as well?”**

**“But you’re still upset he’s dead because he’s your brother,” I guessed.**

**“Actually, Meryl, I feel guilty about how _relieved_ I feel. Like maybe now I really can get on to a peaceful life and put the past behind me.”**

**“I guess we all feel that way, honestly,” I mumbled. My only sorrow was for Vash, not for his brother.**

**“Yeah, I know. Maybe I was selfish for wanting him to live—it would only be at the expense of other people’s lives.”**

**I thought of Milly’s grief over losing her man because of Knives’ schemes, and I couldn’t bring myself to contradict Vash. So I kept silent.**

**Vash sighed. “No one will mourn him except for me, and then even I will do that half-heartedly.”**

**“Will you still be friends with Lina?”**

**He nodded. “I forgive her, just like I forgave Wolfwood. She did what she thought she had to do. I began to realize shortly after my fight with Knives that maybe Rem’s way wasn’t the right way a hundred percent of the time.” He must have felt my astonishment, for he turned to me and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna become a killing machine. I still value life too much.”**

**I nodded. “Is our wedding still on?” I asked, as he stood up and paced.**

**“What do you mean? Of course it’s still on!”**

**“I mean, do you want to postpone it?”**

**“No,” he replied simply. “I need it, Meryl. I need you. But I don’t know how I feel tonight, or what I’m supposed to.” He turned around, his eyes widening. “Meryl, what are you doing?”**

**I had undone the buttons of my shirt. “I think..maybe you need me tonight. Maybe you need this.” I drew a hand towards my breasts.**

**“Meryl, no! You wanted to wait until we were married.”**

**“I do, but I thought you—”**

**“It’s only a couple of days away. I can wait. I think you’ll feel better if you did, too.”**

**I blushed and buttoned up my shirt.**

**Suddenly getting goofy, he added, “But, hey, thanks for compromising your principles for me! And nice bra!”**

**I pretended to be angry. “Hmmph!”**

**“I didn’t figure you for the kind to wear black.”**

**“Shut up.” Actually, it was only recently I had begun to add more color to my lingerie, since soon I would have a husband to please. Before, I had been pretty frumpy in cut and colors, sticking with white and occasionally beige.**

**“You know what would really help me?” Vash held his elbow out to me. “Why don’t we go sit under the stars?”**

**I took his arm, and let him lead the way.**


	17. Right Now

**Meryl: I was in my waiting room, with my Mom, Milly, and Peg, the lady who was doing my hair and makeup. I sat on a salon chair, and in a moment of giddiness, spun around. “I’m wearing white! And I really _can_ wear white!”**

**“Have you told Vash about your thomas riding accident?” Mom pestered.**

**The one where I broke my hymen. I sighed. “Yes, Mother.” It had been an awkward thing to bring up to him.**

**“Oh, you mean--?” Milly began.**

**“It’ll make it easier for you tonight, dear,” Mom continued. “Not only comfort wise, but if he knows, he won’t get suspicious.”**

**“Mom, can we talk about something else?”  
**

**“What—are you afraid to talk about sex with your own mother? I’m the one who got that book off the shelf when you were thirteen and taught you everything.”**

**“So, you like talking about sex with your relatives?” I wondered irritably.**

**“Well, not all the time—”**

**I smiled in triumph.**

**“But this is a most appropriate time!” she finished, beaming in victory.**

**Meryl: We held the wedding outside on the grounds of the town’s largest landholder, who lived outside the town proper. It was actually a fairly normal wedding. I wore a pretty country bridal gown, which I tripped over, and Vash was decked out in a tuxedo. I must say, he looked good in black! Milly was my maid-of-honor, but there was no best man or bridesmaids. If Wolfwood were still around, Vash said he would have picked him as best man, but, well, you know…The vows were standard. It was all perfectly tame, of which we were glad.**

**Afterwards, while waiting for reception time, Vash and I took a break in the estate, wandering from room to room, remarking idly about the décor in each one. I had changed into a simple blue gown with a zippered back and Vash was wearing just a white collared shirt and black slacks. We were bored. I opened the next door in the hallway. This room was a cozy little bedroom. It was sparse of furnishings—a chair, maybe a chest of drawers. What caught my interest was a cute little, pink canopied bed. It was just begging for someone to dream upon it. “I always loved canopied beds,” I remarked, stepping in closer, and barely hearing Vash shut and lock the door. “It reminds me of fairy tale princesses from the old world.” I collapsed upon the velvet chair. “Well, this perks me up a little. To tell you the truth, I was getting bored.” I sighed. “Three hours until the reception. We should’ve planned this better.”**

**“I know what we can do that won’t be so boring,” Vash said slyly, and I saw that he was leaning against the closed door, a slight but mischievous smile on his face.**

**“What?” I asked tiredly.**

**He smiled slyly.**

**“Oh..OH!” I exclaimed, getting the message. Nervously, I ran to the door, but he wouldn’t budge. “Can’t you wait?”**

**“Not one moment longer.” He clutched my shoulders. I looked into his eyes and got weak in my knees. I surrendered to his kiss, letting it awaken my senses anew.**

**Then I turned my back to him, smiling so he couldn’t see. “Aw, Meryl!” he whined.**

**I looked over my shoulder, still smiling impishly. “Could you undo the zipper on the back of my dress?”**

**“All right!” He leaped to the task.**

**“Don’t get your fingers stuck in the teeth,” I warned.**

**“Yowchh!” he yelped, and it sounded like he was sucking his fingers. “Man, I’m bleeding!”**

**I turned around. He held out his hands. There was no blood. “Fooled ya!”**

**“Oh, you’re silly!” I let my dress fall to my ankles, standing there in my slip. “Now hurry up and take off your clothes! We haven’t got all day!”**

**“Yes, ma’am!” He slipped out of his clothes, and I the rest of mine.**

**I tried not to feel self-conscious about being nude, instead concentrating on looking at him. In spite of all his scars—well, actually, because of them—I found his body fascinating. Still, even focusing on him, I felt his eyes upon me, moving from my head to my toes and back up again. A delightful chill ran down my spine.**

**It was time to take action. With a feral growl, I shoved him against the wall.**

**“I thought you were going to be shy!” Vash confessed breathlessly. “I didn’t think you’d be so aggressive!”**

**“Don’t you dare think that I don’t want it, too! I was just waiting for the right time.”**

**Vash sunk to the floor, his eyes rolled up in ecstasy.**

**As we rolled on the blue carpet, snapshot memories flew through my mind. This man…I had once reviled him, then grown to care about, even love him. And now I was freely giving my all to him. I had no regrets in letting my affection win out over my pride. I cleaved to him and finally felt the full requiting of my love as our flesh became one. His own tears dripped down to intermingle with mine.**

**We finished things off with three more kisses—or maybe it was just one, long kiss.**

**“That was so beautiful,” Vash said, still flat on the floor. “You didn’t hold anything back.”**

**"I’m not going to hold anything good back from you!” I insisted.**

**He smiled, then suddenly sat up. “ _I’m so happy_!” he shouted, loud enough for the whole planet. **

**He fell back to the floor. “Now, where were we?”**

**"Someday I’m going to kiss each and every one of your scars and make them all better.”**

**“You know, Meryl, I do believe you could.” His speech was delightfully sleepy.**

**“I love your voice, Vash. It’s so tender and sweet—like a soft touch.”**

**“Really?”**

**“Yeah. You could almost make love to me with just that.” I cast an admiring glance downward. “You know, with your being humanoid, I was afraid your, um, parts would be out of order.”**

**He snickered. “No, silly! My parts are the same as any other guy.”**

**“But you’re not like any other guy.”**

**“I want to be like any other guy.”**

**“No you don’t,” I gently scolded. “Don’t talk like that.”**

**“You are so right, my little mayfly of love.”**

**“Mayfly?” I asked curiously. “Why are you calling me an insect?”**

**"It’s not an insult, honest! Would it be an insult if I called you a butterfly?”**

**“No, it’s just…I dunno, odd, that’s all.” I smiled. “But if you mean it in a complimentary way, I’ll accept it.”**

**“There’s a story behind it,” he said through a yawn. “I’ll tell you sometime, but right now, I’m too tired.” He closed his eyes.**

**"We can’t go to sleep now!” I reminded him. “The reception’s coming up.”**

**“Not go to sleep—just lay here for awhile,” he insisted. “C’mon, put your head on my chest.”**

**I hesitated for a moment, then rested my head on his body. Again, he had seduced me. The rise and fall of his breathing lulled me into a blissful state between consciousness and dreaming. I kept seeing blue, not just in the carpet, but everywhere, like I was underwater. It’s the dream of everyone on this dry planet to be completely immersed in a body of water. I was so content, so happy, so in love—I never wanted this moment to end. “Love and peace,” I said aloud. “One thing I like about you—you give what you sell.”**

**I may have drifted off all together; I’m not sure. Knocking brought me back to my senses. We heard Milly’s voice. “Um, you guys? Everyone at the reception is wondering where you are.”**

**“Should we tell her to go away?” Vash mumbled.**

**I grunted, then sat bolt upright. “The reception! Vash, we’re late for our own reception!”**

**“But—”**

**“Hurry up and get dressed!” I called out, “Give us a few minutes, Milly!”**

**“Hey,” Vash began.**

**“What?”**

**He pointed his arm towards the canopied bed.**

**“Oh,” I remarked knowingly, smirking. We had never even touched it.**

**To this day, blue carpets still turn me on.**

Milly:I never told Meryl this, but I came in the annex to find her and Vash, and I could hear them, um, carrying on.

**Meryl: You what?**

Milly: Oh, it’s okay. I certainly didn’t hang around! I hightailed it out of there, and just told everyone they were “busy” or “couldn’t come right now”.

They finally made it to their reception but boy, did they get a lot of ribbing about not being able to “hold it” until tonight! Meryl was the epitome of the blushing bride—in fact, her face was bright red. Then Vash got drunk, and went around loudly exclaiming over and over, “Is this a fine woman or what?” This seemed to embarrass Meryl further instead of flattering her, especially when he playfully punctuated his question by smacking her on the butt.

I felt badly for her in retrospect, but at the time, having had a drink myself, I found the whole situation hysterical.

**Meryl:** **Well, the reception wasn’t that bad, actually. Although I was annoyed at having to chat it up with Karen. “So, Meryl, how’d you get your hair all sweaty like that?” she asked. “I’m really into beauty secrets.”**

**Friendly one second, catty the next. That was Karen. I never was sure if she was a friend or a rival, but I had invited her to the wedding anyway. Back at the office, she used to tease Milly and I, saying we were so weird we would never achieve “womanly happiness.”**

**I smiled smugly at her. “It just so happens, Karen, that I have just experienced that womanly happiness you said I never would, and _that’s_ why my hair is sweaty.”**

**“Oh,” she said, sounding cranky. Then she leaned in closer, whispering, “Was it good?”**

**“Mmm-mm,” I said positively. “You know, Milly’s had some, too.”**

**Karen glanced at Milly, sitting elsewhere in the room, chatting with Reverend Sheppard and Laurie. “Yeah, and look where it got her—she’s gonna be an unwed mother.”**

**“She is not unwed!” I snapped. “She’s widowed!” I was surprised to find myself defending her hasty marriage that way.**

**“I heard she did it with some renegade priest who used to drag around this cross filled with guns that he used to shoot people with.”**

**“Yes, that’s right,” I confirmed. “And I just married Vash the Stampede.”**

**Karen shook her head. “You two girls have been out in the desert too long. Tell me you’re quitting your job now that you’re married.”**

**“I can’t—Bernadelli still want someone to keep an eye on Vash, and what better way to keep an eye on him than wake up with him each morning?”**

**“You get too close to your work.”**

**“I suppose.” I sighed in realization. “You know what? I love my job.”**

**Do you believe my Mom, after all that teasing me about I was going to have sex, actually chided me for not waiting until after the reception? But I don’t think Vash could have waited any longer. I don’t know what he’d been up to all those years before I met him, but since I met him, I don’t think he’d seen any action—of the sexual kind, that is.**

**Oh, well, at least I got to feel that my sexual relations were rebelling against Mom, instead of conforming to her wishes.**

**That night, Vash was like a whimpering puppy, trying to apologize. He thought I must be really mad at him, and that our marriage was already in jeopardy.**

**“No, I’m not gonna be mad at you forever,” I reassured Vash. “I just don’t like it when you get drunk. You act weird.”**

**“So I can never drink ever?” he wondered, not in an angry tone—more of a confused one.**

**“If you would just try to..” I sought the proper words. “.. _Restrain_ yourself and be careful.” I wrapped my arms around him to let him know I wasn’t angry.**

**“I shall endeavor to do my best!” he shouted pompously. “Can we go to bed now?”**

**“Sure,” I agreed, and plopped myself down on the bed, facing the edge. I closed my eyes and pretended to snore.**

**“No, I mean—”**

**I smirked.**

**We didn’t go out of town for a honeymoon—someone suggested Jeneora Rock, with its scenic giant stone windmill, but Vash promptly turned the idea down—too many bad memories for him.**

**I don’t know—sometimes one town gets to seem the same as any other town. Vash’s idea of a getaway was a nice, comfortable suite with room service, where the two of us could just hide away, and do what lovers do.**

**Those days are a bit of a blur of sensuality. I remember finding out Vash could speak French—and kiss French, too. I remember more thoroughly examining his scars at my leisure. I think I liked the stitches on his buttocks and the straps over his left breast the best. You could say I had a scar fetish, but I didn’t think it developed until I met him. Scars are like the male genitalia—a bit grotesque, but still alluring. Vash joked that he had gone to an awful lot of trouble to collect all those scars for me.**

**And he said the words I wanted to hear. No, not “I love you,”—well, he said that, too. But he told me, “I think making love to you has compensated me for a century’s worth of angst.”**

**That’s all I ever wanted—it’s all Milly ever wanted, too—to make life better for our poor, angst-ridden men.**

**Speaking of Milly, in spite of all the wedded bliss, one night I found myself crying bitterly. At first, I could not answer my husband when he asked, “What’s wrong?”**

**Then, after a moment or two, I was able to explain. “It’s Milly.”**

**“What about--?”**

**“I feel so badly for her. She only got one night like this, then it was all just torn away from her. But we have..we have…” I calculated in my head. “Maybe all the time in the world.”**

**Vash lay back on the pillow, his folded arms propping up his head. “I don’t think she resents us for it.”**

**“No, no she doesn’t, but…” I began, worrying that he might not get it.**

**“I miss him,” he confessed. “And I was only his friend. So I can imagine how much more she misses him.”**

**Vash awoke to find me putting on my clothes.**

**“I suppose it’s time we go back to the real world,” I said, buttoning my dress.**

**Vash smiled mysteriously, then aimed his finger at me, his hand mimicking a pistol. “Bang!”**

**“Aacck!” I clutched my heart and fell to the floor.**

**Vash, still unclothed, got up, picked me off the floor, and lay me down on the bed, chuckling evilly.**

**I sighed in resignation, and undid my buttons. “Vash, we can’t stay here forever,” I chided gently. “Just eating, sleeping, and making love.”**

**“Why not? It sounds like the perfect existence to me.”**

**I removed my outer layer of clothing. “But it’s irresponsible.”**

**“Hmm..maybe.” He helped me unfasten my bra. “But tell me…”**

**“What?”**

**“Why do you always do that?”**

**“Do what?”**

**“Play dead when I pretend to shoot you.”**

**“Oh, I..Well, if you remember, the first time it happened was shortly after we first met.” I nestled in close to him. “You said when you aim at a girl’s heart, you never miss. You were aiming at Marianne, but you hit me instead.”**

**“Ah, destiny,” Vash sighed. “But you didn’t even like me then.”**

**“It’s not that I didn’t like you, it’s that I didn’t _want_ to like you. But I guess my subconscious knew something I didn’t.” He was nuzzling my neck. “Vash, I’m so glad I know now.”**

**I don’t know why, but that was the best time since the first time we made love. After a little rest, we were inspired to finally brave the real world again. It was Vash, actually, who made the first effort. He glanced out the window. “Oh, look, it’s almost noon! The diner should be serving lunch soon. Let’s go!”**

**“You just want that plate of little cinnamon donuts they serve for dessert!” I exclaimed knowingly.**

**We dressed, paid our bill, gathered our belongings, and walked out into the streaming daylight. Vash put an arm around my waist, and with his other hand, gestured up at the sky. “It’s a new world, Meryl. From now on, everything’s going to go our way.”**

**I didn’t have it in my heart to contradict him. “Really?”**

**He smiled. “Well, most of the time, anyway.”**


	18. Baby Boom

**Meryl: Now that Knives was out of the way, we were no longer tied to No Name Town, so we decided to move on. But what city or town would accept us? At first, we drew blanks trying to think of where to go. But then the answer struck us all at once—a place that didn’t curse Vash, but adored him. Inepril.**

**When we got there, the townspeople for the most part were still friendly, instinctively knowing Vash wasn't really to blame for Augusta and the Fifth Moon. We secured a house there. There was a bedroom for Vash and I, one for Milly, one for Lina, and one for Sheryl.**

**As Milly’s pregnancy grew more and more obvious, I felt myself growing protective of her. Strange, I hadn’t known how I would feel about it—resentful that she achieved this stage before me, perhaps? I don’t know. Or maybe I’d still be upset she was no longer an innocent maiden, and still sore at Wolfwood for deflowering her? But what I felt instead was a nurturing kind of sisterhood. I had to protect her; I had to care for her.**

**It wasn’t long before I had another reason to feel empathetic. I’d been having problems—feeling queasy and the like. When I mentioned it to Milly at a lunch date, she piped up with, “Gee, that sounds just like morning sickness.”**

**I didn’t finish the rest of my meal.**

**Not long after visits to the doctor, I sought out Vash. He was sitting on the front porch step, just idling time away. I knelt down behind him, putting my arms around him. “Vash? You remember when we were talking about having children?”**

**“I don’t suppose we should, Meryl,” he said, sounding distracted.**

**“The decision is no longer in our hands,” I stated, sitting down one step above him.**

**He looked around, curious. “‘The decision is no longer in our hands.’ Hmm..what do you mean by that?”**

**I rolled my eyes. “You’re the one who’s supposed to have superhuman intelligence. You figure it out!”**

**Puzzled, he thought a moment. Or two. “You’re infertile?”**

**“Oh, Vash, you’re such a moron!”**

**He pointed to himself. “ _I’m_ infertile?”**

**I banged my forehead against his. “Listen Vash we are having a baby,” I stated, my words punctuated by contact with his thick skull.**

**“When?”**

**“A little less than nine months.”**

**“Oh, okay,” he said casually, then stared ahead, as he had been doing when I found him.**

**I looked at him, dumbfounded. This was his reaction? I was about to smack him, when he gasped, leaping to his feet. Suddenly, he started laughing maniacally. I couldn’t tell if he was delirious with ecstasy or if he was insane from angst.**

**“Meryl, Meryl!” I went over to him, and he hugged me fiercely. Tears were streaming down his face, and I realized he was ecstatic. “My sweet, sweet Meryl.”**

**“I thought you didn’t want a child.”**

**“It’s not that I didn’t, I just didn’t know how he or she would turn out.” He stroked my belly. “But now—now that the child is here, I’m going to love every minute.”**

**I sighed in relief, and rested my head against his chest.**

**“Um, one more question,” Vash began.**

**“Yes, sweetie?”**

**“Can we have sex when you’re pregnant, or is that taboo?”**

**“Oh, you’re too much!”**

_Melinda: So, I take it Vash was an affectionate husband?_

**Meryl: To say the least! He never took me for granted. He was a lovesick puppy!**

_Melinda: Ah, that I should be so lucky! To have a legend love me and a man so caring!_

Milly: All rolled into one!

**Meryl: But I still am amazed that he saw anything in me! I’m frumpy—hardly glamorous!**

_Melinda: But back then--_ **  
**

Milly: She wasn’t glamorous _then_ , either!

**Meryl: Oh, and you were?**

Milly: Nope!

_Melinda: Let’s get back to the subject of babies. Tell us about when the son of Nicholas D. Wolfwood was born._

Milly:I woke up one morning, bathed in sunlight, which came pouring through the window. It felt so good; I stretched in it and luxuriated in it. The suns’ brightness in my eyes reminded me of how Nicholas and I had made love in time with the coming of the dawn. The feel of the suns on my skin reminded me of how I had lay snuggled against his warm, bare body. 

I sighed. “Oh, Nicholas, I bet you are here with me today. Right now. In fact, I just know it,” I said, propping my head up by leaning it against my folded arms. “I know! You must be here because today must be the day our child will be born. It’s just about ri—” I screeched as pain attacked. “Right on time,” I gasped.

Milly: Not long after, Meryl was with me as I lay on a bed at the Inepril Clinic. Vash was in the building, too, but Meryl had kicked him out of the delivery room. “Oh, Meryl, I don’t think I can do this!”

“You can. I know you can.”

“You’ve come this far,” a familiar feminine voice added. “Don’t give up now.”

I looked up joyfully to see a tall woman about fifteen years my elder standing in the doorway. “Heloise! Heloise! Oh, Meryl, it’s my big sister Heloise!” I wish I could have gotten out of bed and hugged her.

She came over and grasped my hands. “Hey, I couldn’t leave my littlest sister alone when she’s about to have her first baby! I see I arrived just in time.”

“Oh, I’m not alone—my best friend Meryl’s here—but I’m so thrilled you’re here, too. Most everyone else in the family has disowned me.”

“I don’t know why,” Meryl remarked to my sister. “The last thing in the world she is is a slut.”

“Well, don’t worry,” Heloise said with a wink. “Disown is much too hard a word, you know! With the Thompsons, anyway. They’re just a little sore. But I’m working on them. They can’t be all holier-than-thou forever.”

Milly: I’ve heard of some mothers being so mad at the pain labor causes them that they swear revenge on their men. But it wasn’t like that with me. This was about all I had left of Nicholas. I was in agony, but the pain was bittersweet, and, to be honest, my moaning reminded me of similar noises on that night nine months ago. It was, if you pardon my pun, a real labor of love.

Milly: I was holding my pink and tiny baby, who was wrapped up in a blanket. Meryl and Heloise were cooing over him.

Vash pounded at the door. “Can I see the baby now?”

“Hold your thomases, Vash!” Meryl chided.

“Aw, c’mon!”

“It’s not even your baby, for cryin’ out loud!”

“But it’s my friends’ baby!”

“Meryl, I don’t think there’s any harm in letting him in,” I said meekly.

“But you still look a mess.”

“That’s okay. As Vash said, we’re friends. What’s a little sweat and messy hair among friends?”

“Oh, okay.” Meryl opened the door and Vash nearly tumbled in.

“The baby the baby which one’s the baby?” Vash asked frantically.

“The really tiny one,” Meryl answered.

Vash squatted down to look at the infant. “Hey, it looks just like him. Except less hair. It’s a boy, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I said proudly. “And his name is Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Jr.”

“I have a new buddy!” Vash exclaimed, standing up. “Um, what’s the D. stand for?”

“Dimitri.”

“Really?” Vash slapped his forehead. “That’s weird! That’s like the name of the town Knives was staying at.” 

“Coincidence,” Meryl remarked hurriedly.

“And all the time I was thinking his middle name was Donald!”

“I thought it was Darryl,” Meryl stated.

“Boy, Milly, you really did know everything about him,” Vash said to me. “Can I hold the baby?”

“Sure,” I said.

"Vash, be careful,” Meryl warned.

“Can’t you at least trust your own husband?” Vash demanded. “Besides, I need the practice.” He playfully tagged Meryl’s belly.

So Vash took Nicky in his arms, and sauntered around the room with him. 

Heloise, Meryl, and I all looked at each other. “I think he’s more excited about the baby then you are,” my sister muttered to me.

Meryl put a hand on her belly. “Just wait until he has one of his own! He won’t give the kid any breathing space!”


	19. Single Mother

Milly: After Nicky was born, I really didn’t know what I wanted--whether to dwell on his father, or try to forget him. Losing Nicholas felt a bit like the days after Christmas. Some years after the holiday season, I want to keep hearing carols for as long as possible, and leave the decorations up for just as long. Other years, I don’t want any reminders that Christmas is over—so stop singing those carols! What I’m getting at is I’m blue that Christmas is gone, even though I know it will come again. With Nicholas—Saint Nicholas, you could say—I knew I would see him again someday, but for now, I was blue. Sometimes I wanted reminders of him, like the scent of his cologne, and other times, I just didn’t want to think about him at all.

**Meryl:** **Milly hadn’t been the same since the baby was born. I had thought it would make her happier. Instead, she was upset as she was the day Wolfwood had died—and it kept continuing for several days.**

**We were visiting her at her and her sister’s house. (She had moved in with her sister, much to Vash’s dismay—he didn’t like the time away from Nicky.) Heloise was holding Nicky, while Milly, dressed only in blue pajamas with white polka dots, lay on the floor, her tears flowing down onto the wooden panels. She kept on mouthing something over and over. I’m not an expert at reading lips, but I was positive she just kept saying “Nicholas” over and over again. That suspicion was confirmed when she muttered aloud, “Nicholas D. Wolfwood.” She sat upright, shrieking, “Why isn’t he here? Why did God let him be killed after only one night together? He should be here with me and his son!” She lay back down and groaned. “Instead, he’s in a grave in a ghost town and he’s probably..probably a skeleton by now!”**

**“Milly, what’s the matter with you?” I demanded. “I thought you were doing so well! You’ve been upset for days. You can’t keep up like this.”**

**She sat up again and stared at me, wild-eyed. “At least you have a husband who’s alive!”**

**Heloise put Nicky in his crib and marched over to me. She grabbed my arm, pulled me off the couch, and dragged me to the edge of the room. She was angry. I had never seen her angry before and would seldom see her angry afterwards. “Don’t you understand what’s going on?” she demanded in a loud whisper. “Milly is going through what’s called ‘post-partum depression’. She needs you to be her friend, not scold her.”**

**“But—” I hadn’t meant to scold.**

**Heloise anticipated my argument. “Yes, she has his baby now, but until very recently, that baby was in her womb, and she was carrying a very real piece of Nicholas in her body.” She glanced at my swollen belly. “You hopefully will have your man for a long time to come, but you still just may have to go through the same thing after you give birth.”**

**“I--” I looked down in shame. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”**

**“Well, go tell Milly.”**

**“Er, all right,” I agreed hesitantly, feeling shy—and like a little child who has just been scolded by her mother.**

**I turned around. Vash was sitting on the floor, his arm around Milly’s shoulders. “It’s okay, Milly,” he said gently. “I still think about Wolfwood every day.”**

**“You do?” she asked hopefully.**

**“Yeah, I think about him, and I think about Rem, the woman who raised me.”**

**“He does think of Mr. Wolfwood all the time,” I said, as encouragingly as I could.**

**“It’s okay to hold on to a memory,” Vash continued, as I sat down in front of them on the floor.**

**Milly looked at me searchingly.**

**“Yes, it’s okay to remember,” I told her. “I’m sorry, Milly. I didn’t realize how normal and natural your feelings were.”**

**Milly glanced over at her sister and smiled. Heloise shot her the hand signal for “okay”. I felt a flash of jealousy.**

**Now I know it would be juicy fodder for your book if there was bitterness between Heloise and I over whom Milly loved more, but…well, like I said, there were brief flashes of jealousy on my part. I don’t know what Heloise felt. But I didn’t let these feelings take root. What good would they do anyone? Anyway, like her baby sister, Heloise was a sweet and kind woman, and didn’t deserve having a grudge held against her.**

**To this day, I do not know which one of us Milly has valued more, but maybe it doesn’t matter. Milly has plenty of love to share with everyone.**

Milly: As an unwed mother, I had to put up with stares, or people who quickly looked away from me, and uncomfortable silences, but, fortunately, not too much outright mocking. On the street at dusk once, there was this angry guy. He called me whore and bitch and slut. Then he stepped menacingly toward me. Vash or Meryl weren’t there--and fortunately, Nicky was with them—and I was carrying groceries, so I couldn’t quickly reach my stun gun.

Suddenly, the mean man looked behind me, and his face went white. He mumbled something apologetic and hurried away. I looked around and saw no one. It was one of those elusive times that I sensed Nicholas was still near. Who else could it have been? The man looked like he had seen a ghost.


	20. A Visit to the Past

Milly: It was a road trip, just the four of us—Vash, Meryl, Nicky, and I. And we had arrived at our destination—Nicholas’ old orphanage.

Vash was in a goofy mood. “I’ll say, ‘Hi, I am the infamous Vash the Stampede, here to scare the children straight.’”

“No, don’t say that,” Meryl told him, getting out of the car.

Vash got out, then helped me get Nicky out of his car seat. I carried the baby as we walked towards a church with an open door. In a neighboring field, children were shouting and playing, scarcely noticing us.

We found no one in the church proper, so I suggested the Fellowship Hall. Inside, an elderly couple and a brunette woman were sipping coffee.

“Oh, hello,” the old lady said. “We didn’t hear you arrive.”

“Hello,” I began uncertainly. “My name is Milly, and this is—”

“—Eriks,” Vash broke in. “And this is my wife, Meryl.”

“Well, I’m Mrs. Lawhead, this is Art Lawhead, and our daughter, Rhonda.”

Handshakes and greetings were passed around.

“We’re friends of Nicholas D. Wolfwood,” Vash explained. “We’re here to—”

“Where is Nick anyway?” Rhonda broke in. “We haven’t heard from him in ages.” I thought it odd that she referred to him as Nick—no one ever called him Nick.

Vash glanced at Meryl for help. “That’s what we’ve come to tell you,” she said. “He was killed about a year ago. I’m sorry we didn’t come sooner.”

The couple and their daughter expressed shock and sadness, and asked us for more detail. I felt grief anew and Mr. Lawhead helped me to a seat. I noticed Rhonda looking at me curiously. What exactly had her relationship to “Nick” been?

Vash and Meryl purposefully didn’t divulge the full story, but tried to fill in Nicholas’ old friends as best as possible.

“We have another surprise for you,” Vash continued. “This one happier—to us, anyway..Milly?”

I did not know if I should resent him for putting me on the spot. I stood up, still cradling Nicky. “Um, I am Nicholas’ widow. This is his son, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Jr.”

Rhonda leaped to her feet. “Nick got married?” she asked incredulously. “I don’t believe it!” She came over and examined my child. “Yeah, this is his baby. He has his eyes and nose and hair. I believe it. But I don’t believe it. Hmmm. Weird.” She sat back down.

“I want to see the baby!” Mrs. Lawhead piped.

Milly: Later, Vash was playing with the orphans in the field. Meryl was holding Nicky, on a chair on the church porch. I was sitting on a bench in the church yard when Rhonda sat down beside me. “I have so many things I want to ask you,” she said.

“I wanted to ask you some things, too,” I replied shyly.

“I guess so.”

“Were you…?” I began. “Were you and Nicholas, um, dating?”

She shook her head and laughed. “No. Many people over the years have found this hard to believe, but Nick and I were just friends. But having been friends with him so long, I just find it odd that he would marry, especially since he made a commitment to a celibate lifestyle.”

I am sure my face grew pale. “What? He told me he didn’t take a vow to celibacy—that this church didn’t require one!”

“It doesn’t. But he was so busy with this ministry, he never had time for romance, nor was he encouraged to. I’ve seen girls try to vamp him—he just blew them off.”

“Really? There wasn’t any girl in his life before me?” I asked, incredulous but hopeful.

“He mentioned a girl named Angelina a couple of times. She was a young widow he helped out of a jam when bad guys were threatening to take her land away. To thank him—”

I tensed up.

“—To thank him, she gave him a kiss. On the cheek. He said it was enough. He was really smitten with her, though.”

“I see.”

“You don’t know whether to feel bad about him maybe having someone before you or worried about him _not_ having someone before you,” she chided gently.

I blushed, and looked downward. “I brought down a priest. He was Samson, and I was Delilah!”

“Oh, hush, you didn’t make him get his hair cut now, did you?” she asked, referring to the Biblical story.

“Well, no, I liked his bangs all shaggy.”

She fingered my hair, staring at me in wonder. “You must really be an amazing woman to have won Nick."

“Oh, I don’t know. I never thought of myself as special.”

“How’d you two fall in love?”

I shrugged and shook my head. “We just did.”

“Oh, there’s more to it than that,” she said knowingly.

“We were friends first,” I explained. “But it still seems like such a whirlwind romance.”

“And the dust hasn’t settled.”

I closed my eyes for a moment. “No, it hasn’t.”

“You know, I should be crying more than I did,” Rhonda confessed. “But it seems unreal. He’s always gone away for long stretches of time. It still feels like he might come back someday. Yet..he was gone so long this time I kinda knew. I’ve known for awhile. I guess that’s why I’m not overcome with…” She trailed off. 

“Nick wasn’t really cut out to be a priest,” she remarked finally. “I advised him against it, but he was so stubborn. He thought the celibacy part would be easy—no girl had ever gone to his head before. He hadn’t been all that interested in sex—he was sexually abused as a child, you know that, don’t you?”

I nodded, remembering him telling me about it, but realized suddenly that may have been that sacrifice Nicholas made for me when he made love to me, the sacrifice I had had a hard time putting my finger on.

Rhonda smiled. “I guess he wasn’t prepared for what happened when a girl did get to him.” Changing the subject, she asked, “Did you..did you meet this weird man called Chapel the Evergreen?”

“No, I—”

She shivered. “He gave me the creeps. He was always trying to school Nick and boss him around. He claimed to be a Christian, but I dunno. The love was missing.”

I bit my lip, refraining to mention how Chapel had been partially responsible for Nick’s death.

“He was involved with some shady people, too. I fear he may have gotten Nick involved, I dunno. But with Nick, there was still love there. He really cared about the children, and the downtrodden. But..”

“But what?”

Her tone grew to a whisper, as though what she had to say was very confidential. “One day, while he was away, some men with guns came and held the kids hostage once. They were pretty no-nonsense, but fortunately engaged in no unnecessarily cruelty.”

“What did they want?” I questioned.

“They said they were here as insurance that Nick did his job.”

“What job?”

“I think they wanted an..an assassination. Of one of their own.”

“Well, did Nicholas obey them?”

“I don’t know. I guess so, because the kids were released unharmed. This was right around the time of Augusta.”

I stared ahead silently, feeling disturbed. Then I said, “Well, whatever Nicholas did, I’m sure he did it with the kids’ safety in mind.”

“Yeah. I know. He wouldn’t kill in cold blood.” We watched the children play a few minutes, then Rhonda piped up again. “Oh, Milly, I’ve got to show you something!” She took my hand and pulled me off the bench. “C’mon, it’s at our house! It’s not far away.”

We got to the house, where, in the living room, she opened a chest. Inside were many photographs. Now, some young people today think we didn't have photographs back then—we did, but they were all sepia or black and white.

Rhonda pulled out a couple of large photos. “Oh,” I gasped. One was of Rhonda and her parents—with Nicholas, posing with one arm around Rhonda and an arm around Mrs. Lawhead. The other was a portrait of Nicholas solo. It intrigued me to see that his hair was longer and that he wore it in a ponytail. “He looks good,” I remarked. “Yeah.”

“Thereby dispelling the myth that all ministers are stodgy old men,” Rhonda remarked wryly. We both giggled.

I tried to hand the photos back to her, but she refused to touch them. “Milly, I want you to have them.”

“Really? You mean it?”

“You’re the one who deserves them.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” With my free arm, I gave her a half-hug. “I have so little left to remember him by, especially how handsome he was!” 

She turned back to the chest. “Maybe there’s some more in here that I can bear to part with.”


	21. Little Angel

**Meryl: I’m the one who had Vash, yet I remained jealous of the girls who came before, with fancy three and four-syllable names like Elizabeth, Marianne, and Stefany. Not only were they prettier than I was, they were more glamorous, too. Here I was plain ol’ Meryl. Oh, people told me that I and my name were pretty enough, but I guess a lot of people feel that way—that they don’t like their own looks or names.**

**Then there was one name—one simple, odd, one-syllable name—that always caused a wave of insecurity to wash over me—Rem. I know Vash insisted that she was a substitute mother, but as the time for our child to be born neared, I worried all the more. If it were a girl, he would surely want to name her after Rem. I didn’t think I could stand the constant reminder of his great love for that woman, a love which eclipsed our own.**

**“Rem was my mother,” he insisted to me again one night as we settled in bed. “At least, in spirit. You wouldn’t begrudge a man for still loving his mother, would you?”**

**“No, I’m not trying to sound like that. It’s just that—”**

**“Let’s just say I love Rem like a mother, and you like a wife.”**

**Was it my petty jealously? Did Vash have to prove he loved me more? Should I just accept his love for Rem?**

**“I’m not naming the baby Rem,” he assured me, as though reading my mind. And maybe he was. “There’s only one Rem—we can’t replace her,” he added.**

**“Huh?” Again, my jealously swelled.**

**“You’re not just a replacement for Rem,” he said mysteriously. I did not know yet of the vision he had had of me as Rem. “You’re who you are, and you’re very important to me.”**

**_More important than Rem?_ I wondered. _Oh, Meryl, let it go!_**

**I’d like to say that there was a moment in my life where—snap!—I realized once and for all that he loved me more than his “mother”. But it was just something I had to live with.**

**Meryl: I was very pregnant and not happy about it. Milly and I were hanging up wash to dry when I paused, trying to get the kinks out of my back. “Ugh, how long is this going to go on?” I demanded, glancing fruitlessly at my watch.**

**“What’s the matter, Meryl?” Milly asked. “Don’t you like being pregnant?”**

**“I suppose you enjoyed it?”**

**“I loved every single moment!” she chirped.**

**“Even when you were throwing up half the contents of your body?”**

**“Yep.” She smiled, and it seemed more like a smirk to me. “Because I knew that inside me I was carrying a little life—a life created by the man I love.”**

**“I am going to kill Vash for this,” I muttered.**

**“Why? He didn’t plan on doing it,” she reminded me. “Besides, once the baby is born, you’ll be very grateful you had her. Or him.”**

**“Please, Milly, I cannot take incessant cheerfulness right now!”**

**Meryl:** **I’ll never forget that day—it was Milly’s birthday. When Vash and I arrived at the door, we heard Milly babbling baby talk and Nicky making gleeful noises. Vash looked at me and smiled. “Oh, don’t expect me to be all that mushy,” I warned.**

**I was carrying the cake, and Vash held the small gift box in one hand, so with his gun arm hand, he rapped on the door. “Oh, birthday girl!” he called.**

**“I’m coming!” Milly opened the door, and Vash and I entered.**

**Vash put the gift down on the table, and then immediately went to Nicky’s cradle, scooping him up into his arms. “Hey, little buddy!”**

**I put the cake down, and Milly and I hugged as though we hadn’t seen each other in ages. “Happy birthday, Milly!”**

**“Oh, thank you, Meryl, and I see you brought me a cake and everything!”**

**I glanced around. “Isn’t Heloise coming?”**

**“She said she’d be here, but to go ahead and start without her.”**

**Nicky started to get fidgety, so Milly gave him a pacifier and put him in a high chair. We adults sat down at the table.**

**Milly took hold of the gift box. “Oh, it’s some sort of jewelry.” She flipped it open. “A cross necklace! It’s lovely!” She removed it from its case. It had been custom made to look like Nicholas’ cross had when wrapped. It was white porcelain, with silver thread.**

**“You want me to help you put it on?” Vash asked helpfully.**

**“Yes, in a sec.” She fingered the pendant. “In this way, I will always have Nicholas close to my heart. Is that what you were thinking?”**

**“Yeah,” Vash said with a chuckle. “I was thinking of getting one for myself. But maybe plain silver.” He fastened the chain around Milly’s neck.**

**“Oh, I shall wear it everyday,” she promised. “Now, let’s have some cake.”**

**I was only half way through my piece when a sharp pain caused me not only to lose my appetite, but to double over.**

**“Meryl, what’s wrong?” Vash demanded frantically.**

**“I think she’s going into labor,” Milly offered.**

**“Is it time already?” Vash demanded, torn as to which direction he should go.**

**Milly shoved him down in his seat. “Calm down! Let’s see if she has another one!”**

**“One what?”**

**“Labor pain!”**

**“Oh.”**

**Meryl: In the end, it was indeed labor, and Heloise arrived in time for us all to go to Inepril Clinic. She and Milly stayed in my room, as I had stayed with Milly during her delivery. Vash was also there because we couldn’t keep him out.**

**The baby was a little, fair-haired girl, with blue-green eyes—looking very much like her daddy. “Hi, little…” Vash began, searching for a name. “…One,” he finished lamely. “What do we call her?”**

**“You mean to tell me you haven’t thought of a name yet?” Milly demanded.**

**“Well…” He touched the infant’s cheek. “She is a little angel, isn’t she?”**

**“Then we can call her Angel,” I said.**

**Vash ran a hand don the arm he told me transformed into the deadly Angel Arm. “Noo…”**

**“Nicholas used to always call his bikes Angelina,” Milly suggested.**

**“I really don’t want to name her after a motorcycle,” Vash remarked.**

**“But the original Angelina wasn’t a bike,” Milly pointed out.**

**“Angeline,” I stated.**

**Vash looked up. “Huh?”**

**“Angeline. No A at the end.”**

**Vash glanced at Milly. She nodded, smiling. He turned back to me and the baby, laying a hand on her tiny arm. “Well, welcome to the world, Angeline. We’ve been trying to make it a happier, brighter, safer place for you. I hope you enjoy it.”**

**Angeline grew at a normal human rate, which relieved Vash and I, yet sometimes Vash fretted that she might grow old and die before he did. She inherited her father’s free-spirited nature, and none of my practicality.**


	22. Years Rush By

Milly: One day, I decided I must go home, to my old hometown to pay a visit—no matter how they welcomed me. I did not bring Vash and Meryl, but I brought young Nicky, of course.

As I pulled up to the farm, I could see middle big brother working in the fields. He looked up when I got out of the car. I went over to the passenger side and took Nicky from his car seat.

“Well, if it isn’t the prodigal daughter returned,” Middle Big Brother drawled, walking up. “And what have we here, a—”

“Unka!” Nicky cried from his position in my arms.

“What?” It was surprising that Nicky knew to call Middle Big Brother uncle, but not so surprising when I remembered it was one of the first words that he learned, from hanging around “Uncle” Vash so much.

“Unka!” Nicky repeated, more loudly, stretching out his arms towards Middle Big Brother.

If I ever saw someone melt, I saw it there with Middle Big Brother. He tentatively put a hand on Nicky’s head, then enthusiastically rubbed it. “Well, hi there, little fella. What’s your name?”

“His name is Nicholas,” I reminded him. “But you can call him Nicky.”

“Well, Nicky, why don’t you and your Mom come in for dinner? Our Mom is preparing pot roast.”

“Pot roast?” It was my favorite homemade dish. “Mom must’ve known I was coming.”

So I entered my old home. There was some awkward silence for a few initial seconds, but then Nicky worked his magic on everyone, and all questionable actions of my recent past were forgotten.

**Meryl: Milly wasn’t the only one laying her past to peace. Vash heard about a needy town where nearly everyone was unemployed or underemployed. On top of that, they had been devastated by a typhoon. He let them collect the bounty on his head—no fighting or fleeing on his part. His reasons were that he no longer had the excuse of having to remain free so he could find and stop Knives. The people of Inepril had protected us, still, Vash didn’t want Angeline and I to have to live on the run. So he decided to stand trial.**

**Thankfully, he got the ablest lawyer around at the time, Emil Hector. Hector actually volunteered his services, he was that intrigued by Vash. Witnesses were called: Marianne, Elizabeth, Stefany, Kaite, the whole town of Inepril, certain flying ship survivors, and more. The whole outlandish but true story of Vash’s life was laid bare. He didn’t even have to say much—he just sat there with big, wide eyes, looking as innocent as a puppy dog.**

**The press went crazy covering the trial, which lasted for weeks. But Mr. Hector was one savvy lawyer. Vash was set free, and the courtroom actually cheered. There was only one condition—Milly and I were to keep an eye on Vash for the rest of his or our lives. We were happy to comply with this stipulation.**

**As for Hector, he got the rights to Vash’s biography, and his estate is still making big money today.**

**After that, Vash was able to live more or less peacefully, although there were some individuals who still resented him, and claimed the trial was one big farce.**

Milly: It happened one day shortly after Nicky turned three. We were having a church picnic, because Reverend Sheppard had come to Inepril. I felt badly and wondered if he secretly resented the festivity. About a year or two ago, his dear wife Laurie passed away during labor. The baby didn’t make it, either. Poor Duncan—he was too kind of a person to deserve that kind of tragedy.

While Nicky ran off to play with Angeline—under the ever-watchful eyes of Vash—Duncan came up to me and sat on the ground. “I’m moving here permanently, you know,” he announced. “Reverend Detwiler is retiring.”

“Well, welcome to town, Reverend Sheppard!”

He wrung his hands. “I have a bit of a proposition for you.”

“You want me to be church secretary?”

“No. I mean, you can if you want—”

“’Cause I can type real good, and I have plenty of office experience. Just ask Meryl!”

He chuckled. “I will. Let’s see..it’s been two years to the date since Laurie died in labor.”

“Oh,” I said sympathetically. “I had no idea that was today.”

“I had thought we would spend our whole lives together, but..Well, I’ve courted a couple of women since then, but none of them worked out—they want me to forget Laurie ever existed. But I won’t. I still love her, and I always will.”

“That’s sweet.”

“I know you understand, because you lost your man. Look, what I’m saying is I won’t ask you to forget Nicholas if you don’t ask me to forget her.”

“What?”

“Let’s marry—you and me.”

I was astonished. “But Duncan, we’ve never even dated.”

“We can make it a long engagement while we get to know each other.”

“Well, you could’ve just asked me on a date.”

He smiled sheepishly. “I got a good feeling about you, and I thought I’d cut right to the chase.”

I smiled warily. “Cut to the chase. Where’d they get that expression?”

“Dunno. Probably something leftover from Old Earth. Now listen, Milly—I’ll treat Nicky as my own, but I’ll still make sure he knows all about his real father. And I’ll understand if you talk about Nicholas now and then. I just need someone who understands how it feels to always love someone, even after they’ve gone.”

“I will always love Nicholas,” I stated.

He smiled and nodded. “I know. I’m counting on it.”

**Meryl:** **“Mommy! Mommy!” Angeline ran up to me, holding up her arms. I scooped her off the ground and joined Vash and Nicky on our blanket.**

**Milly, looking quite excited, ran up. “I’ve got exciting news! I’m engaged to Reverend Sheppard!”**

**“WHAT?” I shouted. “What is it with you and clergymen?”**

**“Well, it’s a long engagement,” she explained, as though that made everything all right.**

**Meryl: Shortly before Milly’s wedding, she and I had a conversation that I found a little odd. “He still visits me sometimes in my dreams,” Milly said wistfully, knowing that I knew she was referring to Wolfwood.**

**“Uh-huh.”**

**“You don’t believe me.”**

**“Oh, I believe you. Go on.” Once in awhile, she would mention these dreams, vague dreams of her and Wolfwood. What they had been doing—walking, talking, loving—she wasn’t certain about, but she was sure his spirit was really there, and not just a figment of her imagination.**

**“I wish I could remember them better, but I am left with this pleasant feeling, this—”**

**“Afterglow?”**

**She blushed a little, then nodded. “Yeah.”**

**"Sounds like he was doing more than just visiting.” That mischievous priest.**

**“Yeah, that’s true, and if I keep having these dreams if I marry Duncan…would it be adultery?”**

**I stared at her until finally she demanded, “What?”**

**“You are about the only person I know who would worry about something like that. You and maybe Vash.” I sighed. “Listen, Mr. Wolfwood went to Paradise, right?”**

**“Right.”**

**“That means he’s perfect now, and he wouldn’t ask you to do something wrong with him.”**

**“Oh, I see. I think…”**

Milly: People say I must have a thing for clergymen. Maybe that’s so—I’ve recognized for a long time now that they, too, are sexual creatures who need love, such as a wife can provide to them.

Nicholas and Duncan had God’s ministry in common, but there the resemblance ended. Duncan rarely drank and never smoked. While Nicholas had been a crack shot, not afraid to use a gun, Duncan carried no weapon and would probably shoot himself in the foot if given one. In fact, he did. That time the Bad Lads Gang besieged our town, and Vash loaned Duncan a gun while they went out to defeat them. Oh, well, Vash saved the day anyway, and Duncan went around on crutches for awhile.

Love was different the second time around. There wasn’t as heated a passion between me and Duncan as between Nicholas and I, yet..it worked. Nicholas had made me feel like I was on fire. Duncan, on the other hand, his love was cool and refreshing, like a shower after a day on the dusty trail. We were comfortable with each other, and with each other’s bodies. He wasn’t a replacement or substitute for Nicholas. He was a new companion altogether. I had a lot of affection for him. I truly did love him.

Milly: Five years—it was five years to the date that I had last seen or held Nicholas. Five years since he had died. I was expecting a child by my new husband now—this baby was our “triumph”, Duncan said, over the tragedies in both of our lives. I rubbed my belly. It wasn’t too big, yet.

I felt guilt over thinking of Nicholas. Duncan had been so good to me. Yet I also felt guilt over trying to forget Nicholas. I had told him I would always love him. And I did, even now, feel that way. Every time I looked at Nicky and saw how he was growing more like his father each day, I felt that bittersweet love still there.

I went into the bedroom, pulling open the middle drawer of my dresser. Inside, underneath a couple of folded blouses, was a wooden box, an antique from Old Earth. Decorating the top was a picture of two wolves by moonlight. Not bothering to turn on the light—it was getting dark from a storm—I opened the box. Inside was the lock of hair I had snipped from his bangs, and the button I had cut from his jacket. Also there was the necklace Vash and Meryl had given me, with the pendant that looked just like Nicholas’ cross. I had stopped wearing it for Duncan’s sake, not wanting to flaunt my love for my first husband in his face every day. I took the necklace out, tracing the pendant’s outline, then held it up to my lips for a kiss. “Oh, Nicholas,” I breathed aloud.

I heard a movement. Gasping, I dropped the necklace. Duncan dove to the floor, catching the pendant before it could shatter into a thousand pieces. 

He stood, facing me. I didn’t know what to say. “It’s all right, Milly,” he told me gently. “It’s all right to remember him. That was part of our agreement—you don’t make me forget her, and I don’t make you forget him.”

“I…” A lump formed in my throat. “It’s..it’s five years..he died..this day,” I tried explaining through tears.

He walked behind me, moving my hair aside as he fastened the necklace on me. “Then wear this today.”

He walked over to his dresser, and opened the bottom drawer. He pulled out a box of his own. It was made of cherry-colored wood, and when he opened it, it played a melody. “It’s Laurie’s favorite song,” he explained. “I could never part with this anymore than you could the necklace.”

“It’s so sad!” I cried. “That tune is so sad!”

He shrugged. “It seems sad now, but it wasn’t always.” He put the box away. “I keep a lock of her hair in it—”

“I have a lock of Nicholas’ hair, too.”

“See? It’s okay, Milly—don’t be afraid to still feel love for him.” He sat down on the bed, and I sat next to him. “You can even talk about him or mention him when I’m around. We can’t forget the deal we made coming into this marriage.”

I nodded. I knew he wasn’t just thinking of me. The agreement was important to him as well, for the sake of Laurie’s memory. “He was in my life such a short time,” I recalled. “He was always coming and going, and I felt empty when he left. Now he’s gone for good. And I’ve filled my life with my son and my friends and you, but always, there’s a part of me that’s missing him.” I barely said the last words aloud.

Duncan lay on his side on the bed, propping himself up on an elbow. “Listen, Milly—he’s not ‘gone for good’. Neither is Laurie. You know that. We’ll meet again in the afterlife. You’ll get to spend all the time you want with Nicholas, and I’ll catch up with Laurie. And other times, just you and me will hang out together. Because there is no marriage in Heaven, but there are loved ones.”

“I would like that,” I said.

Milly: I knew that Laurie was the love of Duncan’s life, and he knew Nicholas was the love of mine. I don’t think our relationship as remarried widow and widower was normal, but it worked for us. And that’s all that mattered.

It did effect the children. Our daughter, Naomi Ruth, was jealous of Nicky because she knew he was the son of my first love. I think she sensed that part of my heart was still hanging on to Nicky’s father. Nicky, in turn, was jealous of Naomi Ruth because she was the daughter of both Duncan and I, the people they had to live with. Oh, they quarreled like siblings do, until after the time the Bad Lads Gang besieged our town. Something happened between them on that adventure, and they’ve gotten along ever since. They’ve never told me what it was, but I guess they learned to work together.

Nicky was always aware of and proud of being Nicholas’ son, but he got along fine with his stepfather. It was just easy for everyone to get along with Duncan; he was so sweet-natured.

Because of this gentle personality, Duncan and I seldom quarreled. If I was mad, I’d simply cross my arms and exclaim, “Hmmph!” and Duncan would smile at me without judgement and my anger would melt.

It made me wonder how Nicholas and I would have gotten along after the initial passion faded. He had shown me such tenderness that one night, but he had been a temperamental person—would our relationship have been stormy? I don’t like to think so. 

I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but me, but if I had never made love to Nicholas, I could have never married Duncan. See, at least Nicholas and I got a chance to consummate our love. If he had died not knowing how much I love him, I would’ve just pined away! That would’ve been the only way left to prove my love. Does that make any sense?

**Meryl: No.**

_Melinda: I think I see. Making love to Nicholas gave you strength to face tomorrow._

Milly: Well, I wasn’t getting at that, but maybe that, too. 

**Meryl: Oh, Milly, I _cannot_ imagine you just pining away!**

Milly: Well, I would have!

**Meryl: But it’s just not you.**

Milly: You never know!

_Melinda: You still wear the necklace you mentioned keeping in the wolf chest. Do you still have the other items?_

Milly: Of course!…You can look, but don’t touch!

_Melinda: Wow, an actual lock of his hair, and a button from his jacket! This is so cool! You know, you could auction these off and make a fortune!_

Milly: Oh, no! No one else could ever possibly treasure these items more than me.


	23. Young Love

**Meryl:** **The years came and went. “Rediscovered”—and just plain new—technology blossomed, thanks in part to the survivors of the last Project Seeds ship, especially the scientists who had been in suspended animation for over a century! We got television, telephones, color photographs…Our beloved Angeline was the first female to pilot a biplane.**

Milly: But the greatest invention was the horse!

**Meryl: Well, that’s not really an invention.**

Milly: Oh, but it was so exciting when they found the horse DNA in the last spaceship!

**Meryl: I’ll agree, horses are a lot better than those ugly old thomases. When I was a young girl, I never mooned over thomases like today’s tween girls dream about horses!**

Milly: I wonder if thomases are jealous of all the attention horses are getting?

**Meryl: Vash was leery about what havoc these inventions and innovations would wreak on our planet, but I found progress delightful..once I got used to each new thing, that is. Like terraforming adding lakes and ponds to our landscapes. And cloud seeding enabling those lakes and ponds and landscapes to thrive. Despite Vash’s misgivings, I know he still found it grand to be at the official dedication ceremony of the River Bravo.**

**Although he called himself Eriks now, Vash didn’t go out of the way to hide his identity. He didn’t get paranoid; he just played it low key. Everyone in town knew who he was, and some newcomers and visitors figured it out as well.**

**Vash got his wish—he was allowed to live a peaceful life. Pretty much. There was an outbreak of violence here, a wild adventure there. But those were isolated incidents. All in all, life was pretty tame, with some lulls into dullness once in awhile. Vash thought it was sweet. I know some of the books and TV series and movies portray him—and us—as always thirsty for adventure, but we’d seen so much blood and darkness on our real adventures that, frankly, all of us were grateful for days where the biggest tragedy was spilling your drink or stubbing your toe.**

**Meryl: We two pairs of adults—Vash and I, and Milly and Duncan--were gathered around in the Sheppard kitchen, drinking tea. Naomi popped her head in now and then; she was busy with her sketchbook and the idea of just sitting around drinking tea bored her.**

**Nick and Angeline burst through the door. They were holding hands and looking nervous. “I’m glad you’re all here,” Nick said. “Because me and Angeline, um…”**

**“We’ve got…” Angeline tried, also sputtering out.**

**“What I mean is…” Nick began again.**

**There was a pregnant pause, so to speak, ending when Vash seized Nick by his shirt. “You knocked her up, didn’t you? Man, you’re just like your father!”**

**“What?” Milly pounded her fists on Vash’s back. “Nicholas was not like that!”**

**“He got you pregnant!”**

**“Well, you got Meryl pregnant, what’s your point?”**

**“Err…” Vash let go of Nick’s shirt. “I dunno.” He must have realized he was throwing Wolfwood and Milly’s marriage, which he had always recognized, into question.**

**“Oh, boy, this is getting interesting!” Naomi piped up.**

**Duncan stood. “The important thing is we figure out what to do about the baby.”**

**“You guys, listen!” Nick snapped. “There is no baby! We’re virgins, okay?”**

**“All right!” Vash and Duncan hi-fived each other.**

**I shook my head and sighed, resting my forehead in my hand.**

**“You need some aspirin, Meryl?” Milly asked.**

**“No.” I looked at the two teens. “Just tell us what you want to say.”**

**“Well, we’re virgins now,” Angeline began. “But we’re not sure how long we can keep it up.”**

**“What we mean is,” Nick took up. “We’re crazy about each other, and the sooner we get married, the better chances we have for saving our chastity.”**

**“You want to get married?” Vash asked, sounding incredulous.**

**“I can arrange that,” Duncan pointed out.**

**“I want to be maid of honor!” Naomi cried.**

**Vash held up a hand, warning Duncan and Naomi to be quiet. He addressed Nick and Angeline. “You two are still babies.”**

**“No, we’re not, Dad, and you know it!”**

**“Look,” Nick reassured. “You know I love your daughter, and I would never hurt her.”**

**“I understand needing to marry in a hurry,” Milly reminded everyone. “And I think you do, too, Vash.”**

**“So your whole family approves?” Vash tried to ascertain. “What about you, Meryl?”**

**I took a sip of tea before answering. “I always knew the two of them were meant for each other. It just happens a little sooner, that’s all.” I remembered when they were toddlers and we brought them to the circus. We told Nicky and Angeline to hold hands to avoid getting lost in the crowd. They had been holding hands ever since. So, really, it wasn’t like they weren’t waiting long enough before plunging into marriage. They had already waited a long, long time.**

**“But—” Vash continued to object.**

**“Daddy, please!” Angeline begged.**

**“They’re practically cousins,” Vash argued.**

**“No, we’re not,” Nick countered. “Not by blood. I just call you Uncle and Meryl Aunt because you two and my Mom are so close friends.”**

**Milly clasped her hands together. “Just think, Vash—if they have a child, that child will be part you, part Meryl, part me, and part Nicholas.”**

**“Wow, that is pretty neat,” Vash admitted.**

**“What’s holding you back, Daddy?”**

**Vash smiled wistfully. “It’s just that you kids have grown up so fast—especially to a century-old humanoid like me. I miss playing with you, and—”**

**“I’m sure you’ll have a grandchild soon enough,” Milly pointed out. “And then you can play again.”**

**“Hey, stop pushing the grandchild issue!” Naomi scolded.**

**“Thank you, li’l sis!” Nick exclaimed.**

**Suddenly, Vash shoved Nick’s and Angeline’s heads together. “Okay, you two! We’ll have the ceremony whenever you want!”**

**“Thank you, Daddy! Thank you so much!”**

**“Thanks, Uncle Vash!”**

**“Oh, don’t call me Uncle anymore!”**

**“I drew a picture of you getting all flustered, Uncle Vash,” Naomi chirped, handing him her sketchbook.**

**“Yeah, that’s a great picture, Naomi,” he said sourly.**


	24. Another Visit to the Past

Milly:Shortly after Nick and Angeline’s engagement, I took them on a pilgrimage to Tonim Town. “It seems like an awfully desolate place to die,” Angeline remarked. “Or be buried.”

I sighted the large, wooden cross in the churchyard. It was tilted a little, but…“Oh, thank goodness, it’s still standing!”

We walked over to it. “Nicholas D. Wolfwood,” Angeline read, running her finger underneath the letters. She turned to her intended. “It’s your name, Nick.”

“Yeah,” Nick said hesitantly, as though not sure what to think. He looked so much like his father at that moment that my mind flashed back to Nicholas, standing in the streets of this very town, and bidding me farewell. “What are you looking at, Mom?” He had his father’s vocal rhythms, too, but his voice was higher and not gravelly—due to him not taking up the habit of smoking, I guess.

I shook my head, and blushing, looked down at the ground. “C’mon, I’ll show you around town.”

“So, everyone just deserted this place?” Angeline asked, following me.

“Yes.”

“Did they ever find out what happened to them?”

“They’re probably all dead, unfortunately. No one ever showed back up, not in all these years.” I gestured at some buildings. “That’s where Meryl and I stayed, and there’s where Vash stayed.” Soon we came to another home, and I opened the door. The rooms were dusty and rundown, but otherwise exactly as I remembered them.

In the bedroom, I paused. “On that bed, Nicky, is where you were conceived.”

“Mom, I did not need to know that!” he protested, embarrassed.

“I think it’s neat,” Angeline remarked. “I’m very glad you were conceived.” She squeezed his hand.

“Can you—” I began hesitantly. “Um, can you two let me be alone here for a few minutes? I’ll meet you at the grave.”

They nodded understandingly, and left.

I lay down on the bed. The springs creaked and sounded brittle. It didn’t feel the same. How could it? Nicholas wasn’t here to share the mattress with me.

After not very long, I got up with a sigh, and made my way back to the grave. Angeline and Nick stood there, staring at the cross. I stood by as well. “Nicholas,” I said solemnly. Then, more brightly, I continued, “Nicholas—I brought your son with me.” I put a hand on Nick’s shoulder. “He’s grown up to be such a strapping young man, don’t you think? I know you would be proud of him. And he’s marrying Vash and Meryl’s daughter! I think that’s so neat!”

As we drove away, Angeline remarked, “They’ve still left everything untouched. I don’t suppose that will last much longer.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, what with the bestseller book on my Dad—Nick’s Dad is part of the legend, too. This town could attract—”

“Tourists?” Nick asked glumly.

“Yeah—I won’t be surprised if it turns into an attraction.”

“Well, maybe it’s good that we came when we did,” I said.

“Mom, you were talking to a grave back there,” Nick brought up. “Now, forgive me, but didn’t you and Vash teach me my father’s spirit is not tied to a grave, but is in Paradise?”

“Yes, well, but his spirit visits us some times.”

“But he could visit us anywhere.”

“You’re so wise, Nick! You’re going to make a good preacher someday!”

**Meryl:** **Speaking of tourist sites, the town on Inepril wanted to erect a monument to Vash, but he was embarrassed by the idea. He compromised and they compromised, and they put up a statue of Rem Saverem instead, inscribed at the base with the words, “Mother of our Planet”. Vash worked with the designer, since he alone remembered what Rem looked like. In statue form, she stood with arms outstretched, one hand holding stone geraniums. The “wind” blew back her hair. I don’t know why there would’ve been wind on a spaceship, but Vash said this was how he always envisioned her in memories.**


	25. A Legend Exits the Building

**Meryl: Now a grandmother (to a beautiful baby boy!), I began to worry more about growing unattractive to my husband. We realized this would come, but I still wanted to act as lover to him, not mother. I dyed my hair at the first hint of gray. I watched what I ate so I would stay slender. And I used a special cream to keep wrinkles away.**

**I needn’t have worried. You think you know where life is going, but it tricks you.**

_Melinda: Ah, I think I know where this is heading. That infamous night. The “shot heard ‘round the world”, they call it._

**Meryl: Yes, I know**.

_Melinda: Are you ready to talk about it?_

**Meryl: If not now, then I never can. But that’s what you came here for, right? People called him “immortal”. The wounds he had would have killed an ordinary man. But I knew he could die—his brother had died, hadn’t he? He told me his body had a way of forcing bullets out on its own. Perhaps he could live forever, if nothing killed him first. There would be no dying of “natural causes” or old age. But he admitted, there are certain things even he couldn’t survive.**

**Vash had lots of friends in Inepril, including those who had been children during his first and legendary visit there. Now grown kids like Sandie and Tonis, and one named Jake, who had a very sunny disposition and was always smiling and joking.**

**One night, we were in the saloon. Milly and I were talking over fruit drinks, and Vash and Nick were playing poker with Kaite and Tonis. Jake walked in, very casually, smiling and waving to friends. He strode up behind Vash and without announcement, shot him point blank in the back of the head.**

_Melinda: That’s it?_

**Meryl: That was it. It was so sudden and shocking I didn’t realize at first what had happened. Some men grabbed Jake as he attempted to walk out as nonchalantly as he had come in.**

**I looked at Vash, slumped forward, and stepped towards him. “Vash..sweetie?” I squeaked. His blood was soaking the table. I saw his right eye—it was open and unblinking**

**There was noise and tumult all around me. Footsteps chasing McCall, who had broken free. People were shouting…My tears drowned it out, as I sank to my knees besides Vash, clutching his lifeless leg. Blood dripped down from the table, some onto my clothes.**

**In all this grief and chaos, I was aware of Milly. She was standing in front of me, as if to guard me from intrusion.**

Milly:Honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I knew Meryl needed comfort—but in those first few moments of tragedy, there could be no real comfort. At least from my personal experience. So, I just stood by, in case she should need me.

Tears fell from my eyes. Vash had been a dear friend to me. And it upset me to see Meryl in such pain. When she needed a hug, I would be glad to give it, for I needed one, too.

**Meryl: When they caught Jake and threw him in a jail cell, lots of us gathered in front of the iron bars and demanded to know why he had killed the town’s most beloved resident. All the bitterness he had concealed so well came out in his answer: “Let me tell you something—I come from Karsted City. Vash stayed there a long time ago, under the alias of Eriks, like he did here. Now my problem is not what trouble he caused—it’s what trouble he didn’t prevent. A bandit gang had taken over town. They were wreaking all sorts of havoc, and my uncle is one of the folks who ended up getting killed in a bus explosion.**

**“Vash coulda done something. Something sooner to get the bandits out of town. But he didn’t lift a finger. Least not until they kidnapped his beloved lil’ Lina.” He said her name with a sneer.**

**My mind raced with doubt—why _hadn’t_ Vash done anything? Then I remembered him explaining to me why he never used certain powers, even in dire circumstances. Perhaps in the case of Karsted City, he, coming out of the Fifth Moon incident, had been afraid to use any of his skills. Try explaining that to a bereaved man.**

**People called Jake a coward—if he had an issue with Vash, he should have “called him out” to a duel. But anyone can see why Jake ditched that idea—how could he have possibly won? So instead, he gained Vash’s trust so he could sneak up on him like he did. It was similar to how, on the old planet during the Wild West days, legends Wild Bill Hickok and Jesse James were killed. That’s the only way you can take people like that down, I guess.**

**He was almost hung the next day. Then Angeline pointed out Vash was against capital punishment; he wouldn’t have wanted it. So they just locked him away. He may still be languishing in prison now. I try not to keep track—the only way I can practice forgiveness is to try to forget him altogether.**

**I never married again, though Milly tried to tell me it was okay if I did. Not to belittle her Nicholas, but could any man follow someone as incredible and legendary as Vash?**


	26. Conclusion

_Melinda: Let’s talk about some of the places and people we’ve mentioned—what’s become of them after_ _all these years. They’ve never rebuilt July, of course—just made it a National Historical Park. After_

_several years of cleanup, they rebuilt Augusta, calling it New Augusta._

**Meryl: Inepril’s the site of Vash the Stampede Stampede, while December City has its counterpart in Wolfwood Days. Tonim Town’s a strange, low key combination of historical site and theme park. Even the little town we stayed at while building Vash’s health back has really become built up by its claims to fame. It has its own Vash Days.**

Milly: And a well named after me—the Milly Thompson Well!

As for people, Nicky took after his father and stepfather and became a minister. And taking after his aunt Heloise, he rediscovered a principle called “the power of positive thinking”, which he shared with any who would listen. He steered his church away from legalism, and more towards a spirit of service—and a good share of love and peace.

Duncan died fourteen years ago. Besides having been a preacher, Duncan had something else in common with Nicholas. They both died in church, not lying on the ground, but positioned upright. Duncan fell asleep during Nicky’s sermon and just never woke up. He had been falling asleep so often lately during church services that I didn’t even notice until after the service when it was time to go. It’s not that he found the sermons so boring that he dozed off—it was because he found them soothing.

Meryl and I moved in together—it was as if no time had passed since now and the days when we used to share rooms on the road while trailing Vash.

I’ve started wearing my cross necklace again. I think about Nicholas everyday—it had been painful to do so the first few years after he died, but after awhile, his memory became sweeter. Not just sweeter, but mystical somehow. My first true love, my first lover…this mysterious stranger. No one knew what he was thinking of, but he told me. He never spoke to anyone else all the secrets he told me. And he gave himself to me, and only me. Then he disappeared into the desert sands, leaving me a son to carry on his name. 

Somehow I still feel him. I wake up from dreams about him, and a warm feeling follows me throughout the day. But he’s frozen in time, and I’m an old lady! I wonder what age I’ll look like in Paradise. 

Time doesn’t stand still. That’s what they say. But that night and that morning I spent as Nicholas’ bride, they continue. And although I’m mostly here in this day and age, enjoying who I have now in my life and what things I come across in the present, part of me will always be there, with him, lying in his arms.

_Melinda: And tell us about Naomi Ruth. She’s quite the famous artist!_

Milly: Yes, her paintings are in many rich people’s homes and galleries. She’s quite in demand with her desert landscapes. So now I finally see God’s plan in all the tragedy of my life.

_Melinda: You do?_

Milly: Sure. I was meant to know Nicholas so that his son would come to the world and be a great preacher. And I was meant to know Duncan, so that Naomi would be born, and she would inspire the world with her art! If I hadn’t lost Nicholas, I would have never married Duncan, and Naomi wouldn’t have been born.

**Meryl: Well…that’s one way of looking at it, I suppose.**

Milly: It’s not that I’m _happy_ Nicholas died--

**Meryl: Oh, okay. You had me worried there for a second.**

Milly: It’s just that our tragedies often have some sort of divine meaning, don’t you think?

**Meryl: I guess. I still think you were better off with Duncan.**

Milly: Don’t start that again! Miss Melinda, she says to me in her meanest moments that it wouldn’t have worked out between Nicholas and I! 

**Meryl: I'm just say--**

Milly: I don’t think that’s true! I think Nicholas and I would have had a more fiery marriage than Duncan and I. But maybe all that passion would have been a good thing! Anyway, even if our marriage didn’t work out, Nicholas would have had to have been the one to leave. I’m not the kind to leave, and I would’ve never let him go.

_Melinda: Tell us about your grandson._

Milly: Oh, Justin Wolfwood. He has both Nicholas’ and Vash’s blood in him.

**Meryl: Yes, but he’s not a legendary gunman.**

Milly: But he fights for love and peace and justice in his own way!

**Meryl: He’s an attorney.**

_Melinda: An attorney?_

Milly: Yes, he fights against big business for the little guy.

**Meryl: Ironically, he’s taken on Bernadelli several times.**

Milly: And won!

**Meryl: He has children, too--we're great-grandparents! There's Vash...**

Milly: Vash Wolfwood. Sounds funny, don’t it? Like a description of one of those fan comics.

**Meryl: Milly! That’s not a nice thing to say about your great-grandson’s name! Vash used to be a rare name—Vash the Stampede seemed to be the only one. Just saying the name Vash could cause a panic way back in the day. But now it’s fairly common.**

Melinda: You know, it seems like your men live on in other ways. All those movies and TV series about Vash and Wolfwood—and they’re still making them today.

**Meryl: First there were the pulp novels, then the movies like _Showdown at Inepril_ , and _Vash Vs. Brilliant Dynamites Neon_ …**

Milly: There was _Trigun_.

**Meryl: Yeah, that was an odd title.**

Milly: I like the first TV series. The black and white one. Vash was still the star, but really it was the adventures of the four of us—us girls, him, and Nicholas, all together.

**Meryl: Have you seen the latest TV series? That girl playing me has bigger boobs than I ever had in my life—even before I shriveled up.**

Milly: And I’m too short. I mean the actress who plays me is way shorter than I am.

**Meryl: I don’t even think her breasts are real.**

Milly: My favorite is the black and white episode where Nicholas is captured by bandits, and while Vash and Meryl distract them, I go in and untie Nicholas. You should’ve seen him—well, you probably saw the episode, too--his shirt is unbuttoned, and his hair is disheveled, and he’s bleeding a little from his ear. I blast the rope with my stun gun, and it breaks. And then he kisses me!

**Meryl: Don’t forget that’s fictional! We didn’t really have 300 plus adventures.**

Milly: I know, Meryl! Don’t be silly! My mind’s not gone yet! But it’s a nice fantasy. Anyway, watching the TV Nicholas and TV me, or movie Nicholas and movie me fall in love, I feel like I’m falling in love all over again!

_Melinda: What’s your favorite episode or movie, Meryl?_

**Meryl: Oh, the one where I single-handedly rescue Vash from two Gung-Ho Guns that never existed. It was far-fetched—**

_Melinda: But you just told me, in real life you once single-handedly saved Vash from an angry mob._

****

**Meryl: Yeah, I guess I did.**

Milly: Those were some strange and wonderful times—not the TV series and movies. I mean our real lives. So we didn’t have 300 plus adventures.

**Meryl: We had enough. Poor Vash wouldn’t have been able to take much more. Those may have been the most memorable times in Milly’s and my lives, but they were hell on Vash, to be honest.**

Milly: I guess it’s just as well the adventures are part of the lore of yesterday now.

_Melinda: I will always treasure my conversations with Milly and Meryl. And I’m so grateful I talked to them when I did. Not a whole year afterwards, Meryl died of complications from a fall after she tripped over Neko Neko. Like Vash being shot from behind, it was an unfitting end to such a courageous person._ _Milly lived on another year, then passed away peacefully while napping in the porch chair. Death often brings sadness, yet when certain people die, I just know they’re okay. And I know this for Milly and Meryl. They’re finally with their Nicholas and Vash again._


End file.
